Really lonely and unhappy in London Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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I moved to London because of a job and I'm really unhappy here. I'm using to living with friend and/or family and I find living on my own really depressing. I technically live in a shared flat but we don't talk so it feels like I live on my own. People at work don't socialise and we never do anything in our free time. I've been here for about a year and I only have two friends (I know both of them from back home).

I also find London life very stressful. I hate being pushed by a million of people and I've never come across so many rude people in my life. I sometimes feel like I'm becoming 'one of them' because I'm so unhappy here and hate myself for it. I'm trying to be nice but I'm starting to lose my patience.

I'm trying to get a job back home but it's not gonna be easy so I might have to stay here for a few more month. How do people cope with living in a city like London? I feel lonely and bored every day and I've seriously considered quitting my job so I can move back home.
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Genocidal
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Sorry, but that's London for you. London life is fast, stressful, and generally quite cramped. with such a high population density what were you expecting? It's why I try to avoid that cesspool of a city as much as I can.

Don't quit your job. Wait it out until you can find a different job. And don't just look for jobs back home. London is a unique area of the country. You won't find anything like it elsewhere (thank god).
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und3niable_
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Many people in London live in London already and have friends and family there so don't feel the need to socialise and meet new people. Also, many people move to the city together in groups and stick together also, as well as the people who commute. It's a very strange city in that many see it as a beacon, when it is not.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Genocidal)
Sorry, but that's London for you. London life is fast, stressful, and generally quite cramped. with such a high population density what were you expecting? It's why I try to avoid that cesspool of a city as much as I can.

Don't quit your job. Wait it out until you can find a different job. And don't just look for jobs back home. London is a unique area of the country. You won't find anything like it elsewhere (thank god).
I didn't think I'd love it but I had no idea that it would be that bad. I was unemployed at the time and everyone encouraged me to move. I've been trying to find a different job for a while now but it's difficult because I need a full day off to go to an interview (mostly because the jobs I'm applying for are far away). I've had a really bad year and I wanna be close to my family and friends. I'm scared that if I move to a new city, it will be exactly the same. It might not be but I don't wanna take the risk.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by und3niable_)
Many people in London live in London already and have friends and family there so don't feel the need to socialise and meet new people. Also, many people move to the city together in groups and stick together also, as well as the people who commute. It's a very strange city in that many see it as a beacon, when it is not.
I still don't get it though. I had a part-time job when I was at uni and most people were local but I still made a lot of friends.

But you're right, it's a strange place and I don't think things are gonna change if I stay here.
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Infinity_4652
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I moved to London because of a job and I'm really unhappy here. I'm using to living with friend and/or family and I find living on my own really depressing. I technically live in a shared flat but we don't talk so it feels like I live on my own. People at work don't socialise and we never do anything in our free time. I've been here for about a year and I only have two friends (I know both of them from back home).

I also find London life very stressful. I hate being pushed by a million of people and I've never come across so many rude people in my life. I sometimes feel like I'm becoming 'one of them' because I'm so unhappy here and hate myself for it. I'm trying to be nice but I'm starting to lose my patience.

I'm trying to get a job back home but it's not gonna be easy so I might have to stay here for a few more month. How do people cope with living in a city like London? I feel lonely and bored every day and I've seriously considered quitting my job so I can move back home.
have you tried telling someone about your problems? perhaps your 2 friends from back home or your family?

don't keep it all inside yourself, you'll just explode in doing so
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Fullofsurprises
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I didn't think I'd love it but I had no idea that it would be that bad. I was unemployed at the time and everyone encouraged me to move. I've been trying to find a different job for a while now but it's difficult because I need a full day off to go to an interview (mostly because the jobs I'm applying for are far away). I've had a really bad year and I wanna be close to my family and friends. I'm scared that if I move to a new city, it will be exactly the same. It might not be but I don't wanna take the risk.
It's great that you found a job. I think maybe the next step is to see if you can do some things outside of work that are interesting? Do you work long hours, or do you have some time for activities? A lot of people in London have the same problems of isolation and lack of friends, they try things like going to gym, joining things where they can meet people with similar interests, etc. Any ideas?
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Anonymous #2
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I know the feeling but I'm at uni there, a girl and still haven't really made any friends I can go out with, I get treated abit weirdy. Even though I try and am just myself( me being autistic even harder) I have randomly come across some very rude people and I have also been harassed one time. Its hard but you have got to think positive. Join a sports club or something. I joined some clubs and will get better.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Infinity_4652)
have you tried telling someone about your problems? perhaps your 2 friends from back home or your family?

don't keep it all inside yourself, you'll just explode in doing so
Yeah they know! Unfortunately one of them lives far away and we both work very long hours so we can't spend that much time together.

My family is very supportive and I try to go home as often as I can.
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hothedgehog
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It's hard for any graduate to adjust to not suddenly being able to make friends as easily at university. As a result, you're really going to have to go out of your way to make some. Join in some classes or groups or whatever and see if you can make any there. Also, your friends must have friends, why not see if you can hang out with them?
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barnetlad
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Common activities will enable you to meet people other than in work, and even if they do not become friends, it will enable you to be outside home and in regular contact with others. The other thing to do is visit the many interesting places in London, many of which have no entrance fee (the Van Goghs and other paintings in the National Gallery are one for example).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Fullofsurprises)
It's great that you found a job. I think maybe the next step is to see if you can do some things outside of work that are interesting? Do you work long hours, or do you have some time for activities? A lot of people in London have the same problems of isolation and lack of friends, they try things like going to gym, joining things where they can meet people with similar interests, etc. Any ideas?
Thanks! I work very long hours so I'm always very tired after work. I had a look at the 'meet up' website but I'm very shy and the thought of going to an event on my own scares me. I used to go to the gym and I should try to go again, not sure if it will help to meet people though.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by hothedgehog)
It's hard for any graduate to adjust to not suddenly being able to make friends as easily at university. As a result, you're really going to have to go out of your way to make some. Join in some classes or groups or whatever and see if you can make any there. Also, your friends must have friends, why not see if you can hang out with them?
Thanks, I'll give it a try.

One of them has quite a few friends here and I got to know them a little bit. They'd never invite me to anything if she isn't around though.

My other friend doesn't know many people either. She lives with her boyfriend though and she seems a lot happier here.
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xmarilynx
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I've lived in a few capital cities and have used sites such as meetup.com, couchsurfing etc to meet new people and make friends. It might sound a bit odd at first but it's a quick; easy way to meet young, like-minded people and much better than hanging out friendless at home by yourself. Have you checked to see whether there are any "new to London" facebook groups? I'm sure there are plenty of other people in your situation, it's just a matter of finding them
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Sinem
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It's the same with a lot of people. I totally agree, living in London is very stressful and full of rude people. No one likes to make new friends or be friendly to people they don't know. I think London is generally just mixed with a bunch of different people of all different personalities that it's hard to adapt too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by barnetlad)
Common activities will enable you to meet people other than in work, and even if they do not become friends, it will enable you to be outside home and in regular contact with others. The other thing to do is visit the many interesting places in London, many of which have no entrance fee (the Van Goghs and other paintings in the National Gallery are one for example).
Thanks, I'll try to go out more often, hopefully I'll be able to meet more people. I think it's partly my fault, I don't really go out anymore and I try to avoid crowded places. I don't think I'm a city person so it's gonna take time to get used to it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by xmarilynx)
I've lived in a few capital cities and have used sites such as meetup.com, couchsurfing etc to meet new people and make friends. It might sound a bit odd at first but it's a quick; easy way to meet young, like-minded people and much better than hanging out friendless at home by yourself. Have you checked to see whether there are any "new to London" facebook groups? I'm sure there are plenty of other people in your situation, it's just a matter of finding them
Will most people already know each other? I've been thinking about joining meet up groups but I'm really shy and it sounds a bit scary to me. Thanks, I'll check out the Facebook group as well.
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Kabloomybuzz
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The fact that you shy away from potential social contract is part of the problem. You could join so man social clubs that need your interests from book groups to music clubs and more. Insteav of joining a gym, find an aerobics, dance or martial arts class to join. If you're scared to go out and put yourself into situations where you're meeting with people making friends is going to be a problem for you wherever you are. There are a lot of people in London in the same boat as you so joining clubs and social groups won't be nearly as odd as elsewhere. Its a tough place to socialise, but anywhere else can be if you don't push yourself into it.
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Lamptastic
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London is a metropolis but despite having some many people it is easy to feel completely isolated and alone.

I find you have to get out there to meet people. Why not organise something for a few beers/post work activity with colleagues. Hell, you could almost call it 'team building'. I know a varied group of people through old friends as well as new acquaintances through my evening classes or St John Ambulance.

I've been a Londoner all my life and as crap as it can be at times there is so much you can do here. Hang in there
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sinem)
It's the same with a lot of people. I totally agree, living in London is very stressful and full of rude people. No one likes to make new friends or be friendly to people they don't know. I think London is generally just mixed with a bunch of different people of all different personalities that it's hard to adapt too.
True! As I said, I sometimes feel like I'm becoming one of those people I hate because I feel so miserable and stressed out.
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