I am frigid...Helpppp!

I'm not trying to be funny or anything. But how do you intially form a relationship without doing a bit of flirting, touching in the first place?

Reply 3

toiletwall

Aw I think that is a really considerate attitude. Many girls I'm sure would appreciate that, but however obviously this has appeared to have become a problem for you. Have you joined an Asian or Muslim society within your university, if there is one? This might help you meet like-minded individuals who may not misinterpret your considreation. I hope that you're able to meet someone who sees your integrety.

Reply 4

OP

Markus Angelsdaughter

I'm not trying to be funny or anything. But how do you intially form a relationship without doing a bit of flirting, touching in the first place?

Ahh in my culture, we get arrange marraiges to deal with that. I don't intend to have one. So this is problomatic.

Reply 5

Anonymous

Ahh in my culture, we get arrange marraiges to deal with that. I don't intend to have one. So this is problomatic.

Ah yeah course. I'd like to say to you that doing what other guys do around girl isnt really morally wrong, so you could do it too. But i dont feel inclined to say that, as im not one to tell you to do something contrary to your beliefs.

Reply 6

OP

toiletwall

Aw I think that is a really considerate attitude. Many girls I'm sure would appreciate that, but however obviously this has appeared to have become a problem for you. Have you joined an Asian or Muslim society within your university, if there is one? This might help you meet like-minded individuals who may not misinterpret your considreation. I hope that you're able to meet someone who sees your integrety.

Nope, not joined any societies. I have friends that are muslims, and they at start were a bit like me. But they have improved overtime, I am still stuck. Even if I try and not to be so frigid, it just feels wrong. Like I am disrespecting the girl by treating her like an object (mainly club environments)...but then I see loads of girls up for it :confused:

Its hard.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

As another Muslim you think waaaay to much, do whatever makes you happy not what you feel you have to/shouldnt do....

Reply 8

Dimez

Anonymous

As another Muslim you think waaaay to much, do whatever makes you happy not what you feel you have to/shouldnt do....

Forgive me if I'm wrong but shouldn't Muslims try to adhere to what their religion lays down? AFAIK, Muslims shouldn't be clubbing and flirting with the opposite sex in the first place.

Reply 9

L4YER

good looking people dont have to initiate

Yeah thats one heck of a good point there man.

Shut up.

Reply 10

OP

Dimez

Forgive me if I'm wrong but shouldn't Muslims try to adhere to what their religion lays down? AFAIK, Muslims shouldn't be clubbing and flirting with the opposite sex in the first place.

Yes your right. Though, since coming to uni - I feel as though you have to do that, otherwise you just end up being a recluse cos you are unable to integrate in western culture.

Anyway, I don't drink, and I think the freemixing rule is silly and unnatrual.

Reply 11

L4YER

calm down, i bet you get all the chicks with your pedro moustache

lmao yeah i have them flooding in.

Reply 12

Dimez

Anonymous

Yes your right. Though, since coming to uni - I feel as though you have to do that, otherwise you just end up being a recluse cos you are unable to integrate in western culture.

Anyway, I don't drink, and I think the freemixing rule is silly and unnatrual.

I see you've succumbed to peer-pressure rather easily. I can assure you there are Muslims, nay people, out there who are not clubbing and "integrating in western culture" but are coping quite fine.

Good on you for not drinking, but by choosing what to abide by and not to abide by you're essentially "nit-picking" your religion and formulating your very own.

Reply 13

OP

Dimez

I see you've succumbed to peer-pressure rather easily. I can assure you there are Muslims, nay people, out there who are not clubbing and "integrating in western culture" but are coping quite fine.

Good on you for not drinking, but by choosing what to abide by and not to abide by you're essentially "nit-picking" your religion and formulating your very own.

Yeah your right. I guess going away from university has tended to make me question certain aspects of my belief. Freemixing is one of them, fair enough if you intend in getting an arrange marraige to another muslim, in that case it is fine.

But what if you don't intend to, and want to meet your own person, it can be slightly difficult if you don't freemix?

I don't intend in going out with just people of my ethnicity. But I am open to all sorts of girls. I am just finding by not freemixing and/or integrating I am closing myself from experiencing aspects of other cultures.

Reply 14

mypaperheart

16

Anonymous

I have since been clubbing, bars the whole lot since I have been away, yet I am finding it really hard to adapt.

By going clubbing, you're throwing yourself in at the deep end - feeling that you have to meet and mix with girls just because everyone else is doing it. Why don't you make it easier for yourself by doing more basic things such as going out with large groups of friends to the cinema / theatre / museums / walks / picnics etc, where the atmosphere is a little more relaxed.

That way, you'll be calmer and find it easier to talk and mix with more people, including girls. By becoming closer to girls through friendships, you'll find it easier to talk to them, and become more confident. With a little confidence, you'll be able to be yourself more, and you'll find going to clubs a less worrying experience. However, if as a Muslim you're not comfortable meeting girls that way (as the chances are you're not going to meet a lot of Muslim girls that adhere to their religion whilst out clubbing - or girls that have similar beliefs to yours) then maybe you'd be better off in the long run enjoying yourself and having fun in situations that you can be more relaxed in anyway.

Reply 15

Dimez

Anonymous

Yeah your right. I guess going away from university has tended to make me question certain aspects of my belief. Freemixing is one of them, fair enough if you intend in getting an arrange marraige to another muslim, in that case it is fine.

But what if you don't intend to, and want to meet your own person, it can be slightly difficult if you don't freemix?

I don't intend in going out with just people of my ethnicity. But I am open to all sorts of girls. I am just finding by not freemixing and/or integrating I am closing myself from experiencing aspects of other cultures.

I too am a Muslim and don't intend to get an arrange marriage. But I guess in my case it's a bit easier since my parents aren't really into the whole arrange marriage bonanza; they themselves hadn't an arranged marriage!

What am I going to do to find a girl? Definitely not going to club and do things that contravene my faith (God willing, that is) but rather be patient and let the whole process occur spontaneously. Someone in your lecture clas perhaps, university union or whatever but you needn't compromise that which your religion purports.

You're acting as if the only way to experience cultures different to your own is by clubbing! Com'on man, you know that's not the case.

Reply 16

OP

Rosalily

By going clubbing, you're throwing yourself in at the deep end - feeling that you have to meet and mix with girls just because everyone else is doing it. Why don't you make it easier for yourself by doing more basic things such as going out with large groups of friends to the cinema / theatre / museums / walks / picnics etc, where the atmosphere is a little more relaxed.

Yeah, I do that too. Like towards the end off last term , we had a lot of picnics. However I am so so so frigid, that just talking to girls is problomatic. Like I would think twice before I say anything to them, I don't wanna offend them as a sign of respect. My other friends - in particular western ones, care less and just flirt with them openly, tease them, hug them (out of being friendship) the girls enjoy this a lot more then some dude asking kind and considerate questions. MAybe because its too predictable?

Reply 17

abc101

You're not frigid, dude, just shy and wary of contravening your religious beliefs. Don't worry so much! :smile:

As others have said, don't put yourself in a situation where people will expect you to act in a way you're not comfortable with and that doesn't sit with your beliefs - eg. going clubbing, flirting, grinding. You can meet girls in other ways - through clubs, societies, your class, friends' friends.

Plus, in these club situations you aren't likely to meet a girl you'd want to get involved with, as a devout Muslim - while it's not forbidden for a devout Muslim girl to go to a club, very few will! I'd guess a lot of the people at a nightclub aren't averse to a bit of immorality, so it's not really helpful to be going there.

And actually, if most of your friends flirt a lot, girls will probably find it quite refreshing to talk to a well-mannered young man who seems interested in them rather than their looks! If you just relax a little and try to talk to girls as friends, you'll be able to build up a relationship. You'll probably gain more confidence through acting in a non-sexual way with girls (as you're obviously not used to or comfortable with acting in a flirtatious manner, understandably), and find it easier to communicate with them than trying to be something you're not.

Don't try to change yourself or disregard your religion - just be yourself!

Reply 18

speedstacker

3

Anon 1, I'm sure some girls will appreciate your well beings toward girls. Girls like guys that respect them, of course they like guys flirting with them but not many guys can show respect that you do! Don't you worry too much!

Reply 19

mangomaz