New found bi-curiosity. Should i tell my boyfriend?

I'm a female and all my adult and teenage years I've only ever dated and fallen for guys. But recently I have found myself sexually attracted to women and even masturbating to them. I'm definitely sexually attracted to men as well, what's more- I have a boyfriend who I love very deeply. We are sexually active and its good, I enjoy sex with him a lot. I've never had a sexual experience with a woman before, just fantasy.

I think I must at least be bi-curious if not bi-sexual- I don't really think it needs a label, but I know that I am attracted to both men and women.

What should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend? I'm scared of losing him. Not that he has anything against bisexuality, but when its his own girlfriend he might take it personally or think I don't want to be with him anymore- but I do! I never ever want to lose him, even if it means never having a sexual experience with a woman ever.

I'm just confused as to why these feelings have come up so suddenly (within the last few months) and whether or not I should tell my boyfriend.

Reply 1

Brian Butterfield

if your boyfriend is sane, he will not only accept your new found bi-curiousity, but encourage it. if he does not, feel free to pm me

Reply 2

Musie Suzie

Original post by Brian Butterfield

if your boyfriend is sane, he will not only accept your new found bi-curiousity, but encourage it. if he does not, feel free to pm me

I don't think that the mark of a "sane" partner is encouraging exploration of sexuality with other people outside the relationship. Perhaps that's not what you meant, though.

OP, I think this needs to be handled fairly delicately. The main risk you run in telling your boyfriend - in my opinion - is that he may become convinced that he isn't able to satisfy you sexually now that you're interested in women. Of course you know him better than us, so do consider whether he's likely or not to fall into this trap of thinking.

If you have no intention of acting on your newfound desires I don't think there's a lot of point telling him about them. There have been similar threads on here recently where the girl has wanted to experiment but also keep her boyfriend - I think this is unrealistic and unfair. Obviously cheating is not the right way to go, and I think it's selfish to say that you're off to be with women for a bit and will return to your boyfriend when you're bored. So if you'd rather have your boyfriend than liaisons with women, I think you should stick with that choice (though by all means continue to masturbate to women and whatnot - that's fine and healthy).

I really would ignore the first response about your boyfriend encouraging your bisexuality if he's "sane" - I would think it decidedly odd if my partner encouraged me to be with other people under any circumstances.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

ok, so I have the exact same thing going on right now!
I am in a really happy relationship with my OH and our sex life has always been amazing! No complaints what so ever, and I love him very much.

I think everyone has sexual fantasies. Thats all it is though, just a fantasy.
Sometimes when we are getting to it, we'll talk about adding another girl into the scenario, and we'll talk about what he would be doing to her, what me and her would be doing & we get extremely turned on by this!!
So at first it was all 'talk' to get us off even more, but then I started actually wanting it to happen, more to do with the fact I believed he really wanted it to actually happen, seeing how turned on he gets when we're talking through the scenario of it whilst we're having sex, made me push the idea forward with him.
We only ever spoke about this during, bedroom time! (fantasy)

So eventually, I pluck up the courage to ask him, in a normal conversation one evening.
He was totally shocked by it, and thrown off. He said it was all talk and he didnt actually want to do it, which I was shocked about! I was basically offering him a 3 some and he said no.
I then realised it wasnt about having a 3some, It was how much we were both getting turned on by this 'fantasy' of it. Seeing each other turned on was what was actually making us so horny!
Because I seen him like this, I assumed he would want another girl and I was willing to do that to make him happy! But he totally, turned it down, even seeing how up for it I was.

I've kinda gone of topic here, but what I was getting to is that it could just be fantasy, myself and my OH have discovered that it is fantasy, making things a reality can often ruin the fantasy!
I think about girls and get off over it, but thats it. Thats all it is. fantasy.
So you can probably talk to him about theses fantasies, see how it goes just talking with him about it :smile:

Good luck

Reply 4

Mollie_Butterfly

Why do you want to tell him? Is it just so that he'll know; you can start bringing the fantasy into your relationship; or that you want permission to actually experiment being with another woman? You should be clear on this before you tell him anything.

Reply 5

Aivicore

Original post by Anonymous

I think unless you have a specific reason to do so (i.e. wanting to actively seek a sexual relationship with a woman/engage in a threesome) it's best just to keep quiet about it.

If he ever asks you outright, tell him, but I just don't really think he needs to know the fact pressingly.

I think the common assumptions (at least ones I encountered when I identified as bisexual) are that you'll either not be satisfied sleeping with only a man, or actively want to involve a woman in your sex life.

Reply 6

PrincePauper

Original post by Brian Butterfield

if your boyfriend is sane, he will not only accept your new found bi-curiousity, but encourage it. if he does not, feel free to pm me

That's only in movies and childish relationships... Would you and your dad agree to your mum bringing her gf over?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

kpofsuburbia

I am the same- I love my boyfriend so much and sex with him is brilliant, but I still fantasise over girls. He knows all about it and encourages me to talk about it and is completely fine if I wanted to experiment. If you need any advice, you can talk to me.

Reply 8

anon_1998

I am in the same situation and am wondering the same thing! I’m completely in love with my boyfriend, and our sex life is better than anything I could ever dream of, but I am still sexually attracted to women. I have been for years before him, but never officially came out as bi to anybody but very close friends. I do not have any interest in exploring with women, or bringing anybody else into our relationship, but I do feel as if I’m lying to him, and I think that honesty is extremely important in any relationship. I want to tell him, and have come close to it many times, but I’m scared that he will think that I want to involve women in our sex life, or that he will become insecure when I am around female friends. I hate that I’m hiding part of who I am from him, but I also feel like maybe I am doing it for good reasons. Any advice?

Reply 9

AnonM12

I’m in a somewhat similar situation. I have a boyfriend, our sex life is the best and I’m so completely in love with him but I still feel curious. After talking to him about it, he’s basically told me if I want to explore that, I have his support. Just don’t know what to do now, whether I even want to or how I would even go about finding another girl wanting to experiment?

Reply 10

user17890

I have a boyfriend and I think I’m bi or bi-curious. I don’t know how to tell him but I often think about my best friend (a girl) in kind of sexual ways (I’m not sure how to say it but not REALLY sexual, just slightly). I don’t know if or how to tell him.

Reply 11

Scaredkitten

I know I’m late but if someone else looks to this for the same reason I did I told my boyfriend tonight over snap chat text not even face to face I’m to much of a coward my family I love them but they are homophobic all of them and my nan is Christian so she doesn’t think it’s right i have never been ok with being bi and always felt ashamed but I told my boyfriend and he was so supportive it’s made me love him even more and I truly didn’t think it was possible he’s been there for me through everything depression self harm issues anxiety he is amazing and I’m so grateful to him I was terrified but I trusted him if u trust ur partner I suggest telling them it’s like a weight is of my shoulders

Reply 12

SallieFae

Same here! But I told my boyfriend and now we're looking for a third party. :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #3

I think lots of women are bi sexual or bi curious. Personally, I have sexual feelings towards both men and women but only romantic feelings for men.

My boyfriend knows this and he doesn’t mind..:just means we check out hot girls together. :wink:

Reply 14

ANON2235754

I am feeling the same way. It's honestly great to see that I'm not the only one who feels this way. It feels really stupid to think about because I don't want to leave him and there's no specific girl I am interested in that has sparked this. I read through some of the comments on this thread and I do agree that unless you/I have a specific reason why you'd want to tell your SO, then there's no reason you need to put that doubt into his head. I also relate to one of the posts on here about "Keeping a part of who I am hidden". However, if I never act on it and we never break up, then does it really matter? I've never told anyone about being attracted to women. Even though it's been a background thought for a long time, it's only just now something I'm acknowledging. I'm terrified of being judged for this since I know that the bi community gets a lot of harassment from both the gay and straight communities.

The point is, does it really matter if:

1. You aren't sure because you've never been with someone of the same sex?
2. You aren't planning to change anything because of this information?
3. You haven't spoken to anyone else about it either?

OP, I know that you posted this 6 years ago. What ended up happening? Did you tell him? Are you still together? Has anything changed?