ruining our relationship

i can't seem to organsm and it seems to be really putting pressure on my realtionship with my bf. i don't know why he he finds it such a big deal. he thinks i have a problem do u think he's right cos i can't even make myself organsm when i tried to masterbate?

i've booked a docs appointment anyway cos i want to go on the pill do u think i should ask about my organsm problem???? Please help

Reply 1

tbm

13

Maybe you just need to experiment more and find ways of making yourself orgasm, I doubt your GP would be able to help! Try it alone first so that you dont feel pressurised by your boyfriend. If he's putting pressure on you, that is probably making the issue worse, so tell him to back off! Not many women orgasm alone through sexual intercourse so you need to find other ways of doing it!

Reply 2

xChellex

You bf probably feels concerned that he doesn't please you enough, but this is not true; some women find it hard to orgasm and it will just take time and perserverence to find out what really does it for you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. If you are concerned, then why not ask your doctor about it, he/she can probably put your mind at rest about it and offer advice.

Reply 3

username47781

20

I think you just need to relax

Reply 4

Talya

16

Anonymous

i can't seem to organsm

;laugh; what exactly is the doctor meant to do about that?!?

Reply 6

Talya

16

sheryl06

;laugh; what exactly is the doctor meant to do about that?!?

FSD is not funny. Why are you laughing?

Drugs for females (like the male viagra) are being developed. Currently a doctor could direct her to a relationship counsellor or other resources to try and overcome her problem.

Reply 7

ciara

13

Plenty of women find it hard to/can't orgasm. Which is annoying. However, I think maybe you and your boyfriend aren't helping matters by making a big deal of it. You're most likely to orgasm when you're totally relaxed, so thinking "I need to orgasm, this is ruining our relationship" is going to make it pretty difficult. Explain to your boyfriend that you can still have fun without coming (cos it is kind of different for girls in that there isn't actually a physical need for release...) and just see what happens.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

if u mean FSAD. i dont have that cos i still enjoy sex and i still feel a lot of pleasure and i suffer from low blood pressure not high lol

Reply 9

sheryl06

1

Talya

FSD is not funny. Why are you laughing?

Drugs for females (like the male viagra) are being developed. Currently a doctor could direct her to a relationship counsellor or other resources to try and overcome her problem.

Sorry, I did not read the medical notes, I didn't think it was an actual condition and therefore I was not laughing at that. I couldn't for a while either but then it all sorted itself out...I assumed she would be in a similar situation and I would have not even considered going to the doctors

Reply 10

rubytuesday

i had the same problem, he usually said it was ok but i knew he thought it was a big thing, may be one of the reasons why he broke up with me who knows lol
but anyway, like other people said if he really cares about you he won't put the pressure on and he'll try to understand that it might just take a while. just reassure him that it feels good anyway. and don't think you have to have one just to make him happy.
i don't really care now, i think it'll happen when it happens and maybe it was him not me anyway :laugh:

Reply 11

Bubblebee

15

rubytuesday

i had the same problem, he usually said it was ok but i knew he thought it was a big thing, may be one of the reasons why he broke up with me who knows lol
but anyway, like other people said if he really cares about you he won't put the pressure on and he'll try to understand that it might just take a while. just reassure him that it feels good anyway. and don't think you have to have one just to make him happy.
i don't really care now, i think it'll happen when it happens and maybe it was him not me anyway :laugh:

My ex used to be like that, and I told him that I didn't care about orgasming, which was a little white lie, and that I'm obviously having fun anyway. I also left a copy of cosmo open on the coffee table with an article about it...hehe, he got the message in the end! :wink:

Try it out yourself so you know what works then get him to persevere!

P.S. RubyTuesday. Is the quote in your sig from 'The Virgin Suicides'? I have heard it recently and I can't put my finger on it.

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

May be you're just not right for each other sexually.

Many, many women reach their 30's before experiencing an orgasm. Most men are only ever interested in themselves :wink:

Reply 13

Anner

sheryl06

;laugh; what exactly is the doctor meant to do about that?!?

Haven't you watched Deep Throat? :wink:

Seriously now... Anon, I think worrying about not being able to orgasm is only making it harder to achieve. You say you enjoy sex; explain to your boyfriend that you love him very much and feel good about sleeping with him. Tell him most women are not destination-oriented, i.e. they don't have sex just because they want to orgasm, they have sex because it feels nice. Then, experiment masturbating on your own, alone. Make sure you're completely relaxed and won't be disturbed. Obviously I can't be too explicit about how to do it, as the moderators won't be impressed. Just remember there's no right or wrong way to touch yourself. Lubricant always helps. Do what pleases you. You don't have to orgasm at the first attempt. If you get bored or sore fingers (it happens to all of us LOL), simply stop and continue later or the next day. Once you can orgasm alone, you can get your boyfriend in on the act. :smile:

Reply 14

Glory

1

i get the whole they want to make your happy by orgasming. But i dont get why guys make such a big deal about it, my boyfriend always asks if hes doing something wrong if im not orgasming every 5 mins.

I mean theres more to life than orgasms. Yes there nice and make you feel great afterwards, but guys need to try and drop the emphases of how good they are by how many and how quick their girl orgasms.

Reply 15

norelle

5

rubytuesday

i don't really care now, i think it'll happen when it happens and maybe it was him not me anyway

Amen to that, my friend!

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

I really understand how you feel. I'm posting anonymous because I'm sure there are people I know on this board and I don't particularly want them to know the details of the sexual side of my relationship (I don't think they'd really like to find out by accident by clicking on a thread either).

I get annoyed because I don't get out of anything the same that my boyfriend does. I would like to have the same kind of satisfaction that he gets without really having to think about it but I can't engage myself in anything like this anymore. I'm kind of fatalistic; I just know it won't happen (which I know is the wrong attitude, but I can't help it). Then I don't want to do anything, because I hate that he can orgasm and I can't. I hate the inequality but then, so does he. It's just it's worse for me since it affects me more obviously! We are quite open with each other and he knew long before our relationship became sexual that I had never had an orgasm. I often wish I hadn't told him this because it upsets him that we're not equal here.

It isn't that I don't have the desire, though when whatever actually happens it just isn't ... it just doesn't happen. When I'm on my own I get obsessed by other things and am uninterested in sex; though sometimes I am just completely crazy with lust for days, so that would be a lie.

It's so frustrating. I don't know what it feels like so it's sort of confusing; I don't know if I could have been close at some point. I think I might have been but ... aaaaaaagh. I hate how women have to have all this psychological engagement crap when my boyfriend can just orgasm like *clicks fingers* that. It makes my inner extreme feminist angry and want to never have sex with him again (this is the irrational voice I try so hard to silence!!)

Reply 17

rubytuesday

yep it is from the virgin suicides, it's my favourite line from the whole book/film, apart from the last paragraph, that's the best :smile:

..

I've never orgasmed from sex, but I have from foreplay. I think during sex most boys are too selfish and just want to cum as quickly as possible, so try fingering etc before sex and move his fingers if neccessary to where feels good.

It'l happen soon i'm sure just keep practising :wink:

ruining our relationship

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