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guilt at leaving mum for holiday
hiya
this might be long!
basically, im 15, 16 end of august, and an only child. my parents divorced when i was a baby and my dads remarried. my mum goes without a lot of stuff, and has done since i was born sort of thing. she's not got a social life as such, and doesn't go out much as she prefers to spend her money on me/us/home than drinking and nights out etc (ie she's taken us on great holidays to places like hawaii/dubai/barbados and she feels this is where she wants any money she has to be spent as such) so she doesnt have a great deal of extra cash. she's got a few friends but not many, and she often finds that she doesnt fancy spending time with them. she's not got many hobbies but i know she finds sitting in boring and she gets a bit depressed (not clinically, just really down) and fed up. i've suggested learn direct courses etc but she's not very keen on the idea.
basically, i'm going on holiday tomorrow for the first time on my own. i'm going with 2 friends, a friends older sister, and this friends mum and stepdad will be out there too. we're only away for a week, but i feel so bad leaving my mum. i know she'll be really upset, worry and probably not sleep and get really bored and fed up here on her own. i've been worrying myself sick about her to the point where i dont really want to go anymore. and this is for a week, god knows what we'llk be like when i leave home.
i just needed to get this out! sorry its long, you dont have to reply, but if you do, any words of wisdom?
thanks
A xxx
this might be long!
basically, im 15, 16 end of august, and an only child. my parents divorced when i was a baby and my dads remarried. my mum goes without a lot of stuff, and has done since i was born sort of thing. she's not got a social life as such, and doesn't go out much as she prefers to spend her money on me/us/home than drinking and nights out etc (ie she's taken us on great holidays to places like hawaii/dubai/barbados and she feels this is where she wants any money she has to be spent as such) so she doesnt have a great deal of extra cash. she's got a few friends but not many, and she often finds that she doesnt fancy spending time with them. she's not got many hobbies but i know she finds sitting in boring and she gets a bit depressed (not clinically, just really down) and fed up. i've suggested learn direct courses etc but she's not very keen on the idea.
basically, i'm going on holiday tomorrow for the first time on my own. i'm going with 2 friends, a friends older sister, and this friends mum and stepdad will be out there too. we're only away for a week, but i feel so bad leaving my mum. i know she'll be really upset, worry and probably not sleep and get really bored and fed up here on her own. i've been worrying myself sick about her to the point where i dont really want to go anymore. and this is for a week, god knows what we'llk be like when i leave home.
i just needed to get this out! sorry its long, you dont have to reply, but if you do, any words of wisdom?
thanks
A xxx
indy_punk
I think the best thing is for you to tell how you feel to your mum,Itd be best to write it down and give it to her.Let her know that you feel guilty and why but also what she means to you.And get her a nice pressy from where ever you are going 
Yeah that's a nice idea! Try and call her a couple of times while you're there maybe too? And send a couple of postcards, that might be nice
By the way I've been in a similar situation before (our moms sound quite alike) and me and my brother went on holiday with my dad and she was left alone - I even had to do it over christmas once
But she was okay, she ended up quite enjoying some time to herself!
It might sound a bit cliched, but if your mum really focuses on you like that, I'm sure she's glad you're going away. It's part of growing up to start doing things on your own, and even if your mum will feel a bit lonely next week, it won't be the end of the world. I'm sure she'd hate you to feel bad about going away; not many parents really expect their children to stay at home forever!
I think that you need to have quite a long chat with her as to exactly how you feel.
Explain to her that you are not abandoning her/trying to get rid of her but an opportunity has came up and you have taken it.
Maybe the reason that she doesnt like going out is because she is not used to it as she has had to look after you, but its not for me to say.
Maybe try encouraging her to whilst you are gone first to go out for a walk or something and then do something more adventurous such as a drink or joining a club/evening class etc.
This may be a great opportunity for you both to gain some experience of not being together as as you say you will eventually have to leave home.
But dont feel guilty - you deserve some independence.
Any ideas message me.
Good luck an take care
Explain to her that you are not abandoning her/trying to get rid of her but an opportunity has came up and you have taken it.
Maybe the reason that she doesnt like going out is because she is not used to it as she has had to look after you, but its not for me to say.
Maybe try encouraging her to whilst you are gone first to go out for a walk or something and then do something more adventurous such as a drink or joining a club/evening class etc.
This may be a great opportunity for you both to gain some experience of not being together as as you say you will eventually have to leave home.
But dont feel guilty - you deserve some independence.
Any ideas message me.
Good luck an take care
Your mum has made her choice, and it was a very commendable one. She should be made to understand that you're very very grateful and understand her sacrifices. As you get older, dont forget it, and remember to thank her.
However, despite this... it was HER choice. You cant let her run your life. Going on holiday with friends for the first time is a big thing for you, and of course she'll be upset, because you're growing up.
If you're that worried about her, sit her down and explain what you're grateful for her love and care, but its time you branched out on your own, and you wont forget her along the way.
Also, if youre worried about her getting bored, maybe its time to tell her that you dont need the nice holidays etc any more, and that you'd rather she spent her spare money on herself, making friends and going out a bit more.
THis can be solved with communication
However, despite this... it was HER choice. You cant let her run your life. Going on holiday with friends for the first time is a big thing for you, and of course she'll be upset, because you're growing up.
If you're that worried about her, sit her down and explain what you're grateful for her love and care, but its time you branched out on your own, and you wont forget her along the way.
Also, if youre worried about her getting bored, maybe its time to tell her that you dont need the nice holidays etc any more, and that you'd rather she spent her spare money on herself, making friends and going out a bit more.
THis can be solved with communication
Hi.
Yea i'd say talk to your mum about it. Quick question though: does your mum not work? A job would get her doing something during the day and she wont get so depressed. I know because i've been out of work before for months and am out of work now and I get depressed and fed up etc as well.
Karen x
Yea i'd say talk to your mum about it. Quick question though: does your mum not work? A job would get her doing something during the day and she wont get so depressed. I know because i've been out of work before for months and am out of work now and I get depressed and fed up etc as well.
Karen x
Hey,
I kind of feel the same atm as I'm going to Antigua tomorrow with my dad (parents are divorced & it was pretty messy), and siblings. There are 5 of us and my mum gets used to having loads of us around but she'll be on her own except for my half-brother for 10 days from tomorrow, & it's her birthday on Friday..... I've decided to ring her every other night or so, and managed to persuade her to go down to stay with my grandad for a few days whilst we're gone. Hope you feel better, it'll be fine
I kind of feel the same atm as I'm going to Antigua tomorrow with my dad (parents are divorced & it was pretty messy), and siblings. There are 5 of us and my mum gets used to having loads of us around but she'll be on her own except for my half-brother for 10 days from tomorrow, & it's her birthday on Friday..... I've decided to ring her every other night or so, and managed to persuade her to go down to stay with my grandad for a few days whilst we're gone. Hope you feel better, it'll be fine
Thanks everyone, it's made me feel better. my mum's not nosy and interfering with me, but i know that i'm her life tbh. we're so close and its heartbreaking knowing she'll be sat here alone! she's never once said she doesnt want me to go, but i know what she's like.
she's got really bad back and leg problems, similar to arhritis and so is in constant pain and can't work (she helps a friend with her housework two mornings though, for some company and something to do when she can). i've left her some messages for once i'm away, and i'm going to write a letter saying thanks for everything etc, as i know if i say it, we'll both cry lol!
thanks for all the advice and words of support, its a huge help.
x
she's got really bad back and leg problems, similar to arhritis and so is in constant pain and can't work (she helps a friend with her housework two mornings though, for some company and something to do when she can). i've left her some messages for once i'm away, and i'm going to write a letter saying thanks for everything etc, as i know if i say it, we'll both cry lol!
thanks for all the advice and words of support, its a huge help.
x
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