Being terrorised by boyfriend

I live together with my boyfriend and we have been together for nearly 5 years. Over the last few years things have sometimes been getting a bit rough. Mostly fights that were caused by something happening to him outside of home, like someone saying something to him he didn't like. This always made him very aggressive, which in turn scared me. My attempts to calm him down resulted in him turning mad at me and sometimes even get physical with me. Not hitting but pushing etc.

In turn, this often led to us leaving where we lived, moving elsewhere after getting settled etc. It also led to me quitting university twice already.

We finally moved into a new city and place last fall and things have mainly been fine since then. But for the last 2 weeks he has been getting really angry at the people here, yeah, I know it sounds funny, but the whole population really. He wants to move again, as soon as possible. But we have hardly any money to realise that nor do I want to. I have started a new course at university again, have a lovely job and even found a few new friends here.
I can't leave again. I don't want to.

But that is not all: I love him and I am afraid that I'm just scared to leave him. Things have not been easy for him, but he doesn't see a problem at all. He is unemployed, but manages to get stoned and drunk quite a few days a week.
That normally calms him down, but I now live in fear. I know this sounds silly, and I know I should leave him, but we have such good times together normally. We have been through some difficult times together and I would be devasted to see this all falling apart. But I can't help thinking it is for the best, that I NEED to get out before it is too late.

Reply 1

Glory

i think you need to stop living together. You dont have a stable home life with him, he needs to sort himself out. Go and get him see people about anger management. It seems your scarificing so much for him, but quitting university twice for him is bang out of order.

Reply 2

khil

If he's pushing you now even when you're only dating - and he's so angry and nasty to people around him and making you do things you don't want to do... well, I imagine he'll be an alcoholic abusived husband if you married the guy. Yes - get out before it's too late.

I read on another forum - this woman married her husband because he treated her like gold and he was always so nice to her, but he would be insulting and nasty to everyone else, friends, family, even waitresses etc. She dismissed it cus he treated her so well. Married him. Now she lives in fear and is trapped in a marriage with an angry, abusive man.

Heartbreak for a while, then live happily after that - or ruin the rest of your life and let this guy destroy you - your choice, really. Good luck.

Reply 3

SuperhansFavouriteAlsatian

He's clearly mental.

Reply 4

Happy1

Sounds to me like you know exactly why you're still with him... you're scared to leave him.

You have to decide whether you want to live like this or not? It's going to carry on like this if you dont get out. Surely you dont want to end up trapped?

Leaving someone is hard, especially someone you've lived with for so long - it hurts, but its a part of life, and sometimes you HAVE to do it. Everyone deserves happiness and the chance to live freely and without fear, including you... keep telling yourself that, and battling through the heartache of leaving him WILL get easier and build your character.

Seriously, the minute you find a guy who treats well ALL of the time and makes you feel special each and every day, you'll know you did the right thing... and that WILL happen.

Reply 5

bunthulhu

Yes sweetie I think you need to get away :frown:

You're happy in that town and if he can't see that and if he doesn't want you to be happy then that in itself should tell you there is a big problem. He shouldn't have let you drop out of uni even once if he cared about you. You're going to uni, and you have a job, so you are supporting him while he feeds his addictions? I don't want to sound harsh but he sounds fairly pathetic to be honest and it seems like he is contributing nothing to your living situation or your relationship.

It also sounds to me like he needs some help with his anger but I know how hard it is to approach someone and tell them that - they just get angry! I'm really sorry you're in this situation and please don't let him hurt you any more. I don't really know what actual advice to give but I'm sure other people will have some ideas and maybe you could try speaking to a counsellor or someone from a women's shelter, I realise that sounds a bit extreme but they may be able to give you some tips about how to get out of the sticky situation you're in :frown:

Good luck!

Reply 6

username47781

Yes leaving someone is hard but face it he's being aggressive and angry, is this the type of guy you want.

He is not helping himself by getting drunk and stoned sooner or later he will get into trouble.
I would get out now before it's too late.