Paying board at home dilema
Prior to starting University in September, I asked my mum how much board she would want from me per week as I was weighing up the pros and cons to live at home or move into University accomodation.
She told me £60 per week, which works at £240 per month all inclusive. My student finance came through early October, and I gave her the board money in advance (October-January) so I wasn't tempted to spend it and knew that my board was covered without worrying.
My mum ended up spending all the money I gave her in just over a month, and ultimetely we was struggling to pay for basic essentials from then on. I told her that when I get my next installment, she is just going to have her board monthly to avoid this issue.
I've now got my first installment, I've paid a months board of £240 (13th Jan-13th Feb) and there is no food for all next week. Literally, there is nothing. I am now expected to either cough up extra board money to cover next week or starve.
I told her I do not think it's fair that I give her my board money, she spends it on god knows what and I'm in a position where I don't eat. I ask her where the money has gone and she doesn't know. She doesn't go out and drink, see friends or anything. We literally don't know where it went.
Despite agreeing to this figure back in September, she then told me that my £60 per month only covers food, gas and electricity and that I do not put anything towards rent. Rent is £310 per month, she said she cannot afford to pay that alone, and does not think it is fair to pay that on her own as it wipes out her wages. I asked her for a figure she wants off me per week but all she says it "Do your own thing or find somewhere else to live". All I want to do is give her the money, pay my way with no problems but this is becoming a challenging task.
How much board per week would you deem reasonable or unreasonable or do you think I should consider moving out?
She told me £60 per week, which works at £240 per month all inclusive. My student finance came through early October, and I gave her the board money in advance (October-January) so I wasn't tempted to spend it and knew that my board was covered without worrying.
My mum ended up spending all the money I gave her in just over a month, and ultimetely we was struggling to pay for basic essentials from then on. I told her that when I get my next installment, she is just going to have her board monthly to avoid this issue.
I've now got my first installment, I've paid a months board of £240 (13th Jan-13th Feb) and there is no food for all next week. Literally, there is nothing. I am now expected to either cough up extra board money to cover next week or starve.
I told her I do not think it's fair that I give her my board money, she spends it on god knows what and I'm in a position where I don't eat. I ask her where the money has gone and she doesn't know. She doesn't go out and drink, see friends or anything. We literally don't know where it went.
Despite agreeing to this figure back in September, she then told me that my £60 per month only covers food, gas and electricity and that I do not put anything towards rent. Rent is £310 per month, she said she cannot afford to pay that alone, and does not think it is fair to pay that on her own as it wipes out her wages. I asked her for a figure she wants off me per week but all she says it "Do your own thing or find somewhere else to live". All I want to do is give her the money, pay my way with no problems but this is becoming a challenging task.
How much board per week would you deem reasonable or unreasonable or do you think I should consider moving out?
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by itskimmy
I told her I do not think it's fair that I give her my board money, she spends it on god knows what and I'm in a position where I don't eat. I ask her where the money has gone and she doesn't know. She doesn't go out and drink, see friends or anything. We literally don't know where it went.
I told her I do not think it's fair that I give her my board money, she spends it on god knows what and I'm in a position where I don't eat. I ask her where the money has gone and she doesn't know. She doesn't go out and drink, see friends or anything. We literally don't know where it went.
How can you not know where £240 goes each month? Look at the bank statement and it will tell you. You/ your mum needs to open a new bank account and learn how to manage money. Switch all your direct debit and standing orders to the new bank account that relate directly to things likes electricity, rent, gas etc. so you can see how much is being paid for these. Get last months bill together and find out exactly how much you paid. Round it up to the nearest £50, split it however you like then both set up a direct debit to pay £X from your personal bank accounts to this new account. This will create a fund that will accumulate over the months and that your bills are paid from. If you start getting a lot of money in it then agree to not pay for a few months to run it back down to a sensible amount.
You should both look at this account regularly to check there are enough funds in it. Any utility bills should be paid from this account. This means both you and your mum can keep your personal finances personal whilst being able to be open and honest about your board payments. I would not pay my Mum £240 a month if she spent it and didn't know where it went, to the point we were struggling to afford food. I wouldn't mind giving my Mum £240 if she said it was so she can pay off a debt or buy something else.
Original post by Old_Simon
Your mum might be in serious financial difficulty. Don't be too quick to judge. Ask for more info about her finances.
Or not. Any proud parent wouldn't tell their kids they were having financial difficulties, and what she does with her money is not your business. You should only be asking where the £240 went.
What a Lovely mum
How was your mum managing before you started giving her some money? I don't understand why she's keen for you to move out either... You surely do not add £60 a week to the food/utilities so she would be far worse off if you left and rented privately!
I would also say that £60 a week is quite a lot to pay for board at home, and I definitely wouldn't be expecting to pay much more than that especially considering how low your mum's overall rent bill is. You must be close to contributing half of the household bills as it is.
Your mum needs to get some budgeting help. Encourage her to contact the CAB for some advice if she can't do it by herself.
In the shorter term, you could consider holding back a portion of the money and using that to buy food for the house. This should at least ensure you don't go hungry while your mum gets her act together.
I would also say that £60 a week is quite a lot to pay for board at home, and I definitely wouldn't be expecting to pay much more than that especially considering how low your mum's overall rent bill is. You must be close to contributing half of the household bills as it is.
Your mum needs to get some budgeting help. Encourage her to contact the CAB for some advice if she can't do it by herself.
In the shorter term, you could consider holding back a portion of the money and using that to buy food for the house. This should at least ensure you don't go hungry while your mum gets her act together.
Tricky one. I always advise against children pooling money with parents in joint accounts etc in situations like this. As lovely as your Mum may be, she could be a financial liability and bonding yourself to her financially could affect your future financial stability.
That said, it does look like she needs help. Try not giving her board at all, but take over payments for the food (presumably around £60 a week for you both?)
The other alternative is to move out, but that would be far more expensive for you as well as your Mum.
You could offer to pay more, but would you be confident that the excess wouldn't be squandered?
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That said, it does look like she needs help. Try not giving her board at all, but take over payments for the food (presumably around £60 a week for you both?)
The other alternative is to move out, but that would be far more expensive for you as well as your Mum.
You could offer to pay more, but would you be confident that the excess wouldn't be squandered?
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I pay £300pm. When I was a FT I paid just £200pm.
Pay your mum the money WEEKLY so she doesn't get tempted to spend. My mum is like this, so ended up giving it to her weekly.
The rent is only £310pm!?!? That's stupidly cheap! My rent at my flat was £710 before moving back with parents. The rent here is about £600 and that's a 3 bed housing association house!
If the rent is 'wiping her wages' can she not work more hours? Is she claiming all benefits she's entitled to?
How much student finance do you get pm? I'd say £300 is a good figure.
Perhaps you could give her £250... Then buy your own food. Or give her £300 but pay it WEEKLY. Your mum is being a little unreasonable in changing the amount she wants, as well as being a bit harsh in what she said.
Point out that you leaving is going to out we in a worse situation than she's already in.
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Pay your mum the money WEEKLY so she doesn't get tempted to spend. My mum is like this, so ended up giving it to her weekly.
The rent is only £310pm!?!? That's stupidly cheap! My rent at my flat was £710 before moving back with parents. The rent here is about £600 and that's a 3 bed housing association house!
If the rent is 'wiping her wages' can she not work more hours? Is she claiming all benefits she's entitled to?
How much student finance do you get pm? I'd say £300 is a good figure.
Perhaps you could give her £250... Then buy your own food. Or give her £300 but pay it WEEKLY. Your mum is being a little unreasonable in changing the amount she wants, as well as being a bit harsh in what she said.
Point out that you leaving is going to out we in a worse situation than she's already in.
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To be honest, I'd move out. Uni accomm at my uni is only a tenner more a week than what you're paying at home.
Also, be stubborn, pay weekly, or you're going to end up screwed with no finance left for x amount of time. If I was you, I'd do my own food shopping and pay her 40/45pw instead.
Also, be stubborn, pay weekly, or you're going to end up screwed with no finance left for x amount of time. If I was you, I'd do my own food shopping and pay her 40/45pw instead.
It might be worth contacting your local Citizens' Advice Bureau to ask if they know of any money management classes.
How I started from scratch was I bought a tiny little notebook. I had two bank accounts - one which my monthly income went into, and one that I spend from. Every week, I transferred (the monthly amount / 5) into the spending account. Divided by 5 because that builds in a little bit of saving/ emergency money.
Then the task was simply to write down absolutely everything I spent. I did this because I had no idea how much I would need to allocate to different spending categories, so it's quite a good way to start for people who also have no clue (sounds like your mum). At the end of the month, I'd aggregate how much I had spent on the different categories.
Then, after a year of that, I switched to monthly budgeting. Now out of the c£450 per month I have to spend, I allocate £190 to food, £55 to bills, etc. But the key is that I still write absolutely everything I spend down.
How I started from scratch was I bought a tiny little notebook. I had two bank accounts - one which my monthly income went into, and one that I spend from. Every week, I transferred (the monthly amount / 5) into the spending account. Divided by 5 because that builds in a little bit of saving/ emergency money.
Then the task was simply to write down absolutely everything I spent. I did this because I had no idea how much I would need to allocate to different spending categories, so it's quite a good way to start for people who also have no clue (sounds like your mum). At the end of the month, I'd aggregate how much I had spent on the different categories.
Then, after a year of that, I switched to monthly budgeting. Now out of the c£450 per month I have to spend, I allocate £190 to food, £55 to bills, etc. But the key is that I still write absolutely everything I spend down.
If your mum is only earning £310 per month, she needs to get a full time job instead of relying on her daughter to pay her bills.
I think its fair to pay more than £60 if it's needed and your mum is hard up however it's not fair that you're being put in a difficult position because she can't manage her finances, even if she is embarassed at her money troubles if it's affecting you she should be sharing with you what's happening and where the money is going, I really doubt £60 per week can't cover bills+food, no one I knew at uni paid more than £5-10 a week for bills, maybe another £10 for internet/phone and then £20 for food... at the end of the day she should have thought through what was going to be needed and asked for it and it's certainly not fair that you pay your board money and there's no food for you to eat 
I would try and sit down with her and have a serious discussion and say you want to support her but she has to learn to manage her money as you wont always have enough to bail the household out
I would try and sit down with her and have a serious discussion and say you want to support her but she has to learn to manage her money as you wont always have enough to bail the household out
Kimmy you sound like a really sensible person and are handling this situation far better than your mother.
There are clearly other issues at play here that need to be identified and unpicked.
Perhaps you need to cut a rent only deal and sort your own food out?
Perhaps there are wider issues with your mum eg loss of control, empty nest syndrome,even envy..who knows,,only you..
There are clearly other issues at play here that need to be identified and unpicked.
Perhaps you need to cut a rent only deal and sort your own food out?
Perhaps there are wider issues with your mum eg loss of control, empty nest syndrome,even envy..who knows,,only you..
I think there are two issues to address:
- is your mother in financial difficulty, and if so how can you help?
- do you want to live at home?
I pay £220 a month for a room and bills, with food and occasional silly expenditure I probably spend £300 a month. Depending where you are at university it may well be possible to move out and match this.
If you want to live at home, and keep everything as financially reasonable as possible hit up spare room and see what a room and bills in your area is worth, then pay that and do your own thing with food. Any payment thereafter should perhaps be based on helping your mother with any financial issues as a family thing rather than the separate commercial arrangement of renting the room.
- is your mother in financial difficulty, and if so how can you help?
- do you want to live at home?
I pay £220 a month for a room and bills, with food and occasional silly expenditure I probably spend £300 a month. Depending where you are at university it may well be possible to move out and match this.
If you want to live at home, and keep everything as financially reasonable as possible hit up spare room and see what a room and bills in your area is worth, then pay that and do your own thing with food. Any payment thereafter should perhaps be based on helping your mother with any financial issues as a family thing rather than the separate commercial arrangement of renting the room.
Hi. I live with a live-in landlord currently, and I pay £80 a week / £320 a month. This covers all bills (including wifi & TV), and I'm allowed to use basics like milk, bread, butter, sugar, salt, etc. I still buy all my own food though, and pay for my own travel. My loan is just over £5k for the whole year.
I don't know what's going on with your mum's finances. Did you pay board before? If not, why does she suddenly need the money coming in from you? I definitely think you should buy all your own food and such, it'd be cheaper for you and it'd be yours alone. Try and work out something, maybe you can have one shelf in the fridge, a drawer in the freezer and some cupboard space for your food which only you eat. If you look at your bills, work out what's fair for you to pay. If you think your mum's being unfair then maybe move out. At least with other landlords / accommodation, everything is official and they can't just ask for more money or change the rent randomly. I would say that if the money's disappearing from your mum's bank account, she can call the bank and ask where it went out to (prepayments, to cover an overdraft, direct debits, etc). They will always be able to find out why the money left the account and if they cannot, then there is definitely something wrong and they'd probably investigate it. All incoming and outgoing money from an account is tracked. If she wasn't putting it in the bank before, absolutely make sure she is now.
I don't know how much your loan is, or what the cost of living in your area is. But I'd say you're living pretty cheap by staying at home. Depending on what city and area you're in, student accommodation can be quite high. (I actually can't afford to live at any of my uni's student housing since they're all over £5k, more than my loan in full).
£60 seems like a lot for living at home, since it's your parents. But you're probably going to be most comfortable there if this situation doesn't happen again. If you know it's going to keep happening, then it might be best to move out. But you could always lodge with another family member (grandparents, aunt/uncle etc) or at a friend's house and pay board.
PS: If you need to earn some extra money, like £10 / £25 every other week or something to help with payments, you can try sites like Vivatic and do surveys for money, or get paid for downloading and testing apps on your phone with Featurepoints.com and use code 2ZYHEC to get 50 starting points.
I don't know what's going on with your mum's finances. Did you pay board before? If not, why does she suddenly need the money coming in from you? I definitely think you should buy all your own food and such, it'd be cheaper for you and it'd be yours alone. Try and work out something, maybe you can have one shelf in the fridge, a drawer in the freezer and some cupboard space for your food which only you eat. If you look at your bills, work out what's fair for you to pay. If you think your mum's being unfair then maybe move out. At least with other landlords / accommodation, everything is official and they can't just ask for more money or change the rent randomly. I would say that if the money's disappearing from your mum's bank account, she can call the bank and ask where it went out to (prepayments, to cover an overdraft, direct debits, etc). They will always be able to find out why the money left the account and if they cannot, then there is definitely something wrong and they'd probably investigate it. All incoming and outgoing money from an account is tracked. If she wasn't putting it in the bank before, absolutely make sure she is now.
I don't know how much your loan is, or what the cost of living in your area is. But I'd say you're living pretty cheap by staying at home. Depending on what city and area you're in, student accommodation can be quite high. (I actually can't afford to live at any of my uni's student housing since they're all over £5k, more than my loan in full).
£60 seems like a lot for living at home, since it's your parents. But you're probably going to be most comfortable there if this situation doesn't happen again. If you know it's going to keep happening, then it might be best to move out. But you could always lodge with another family member (grandparents, aunt/uncle etc) or at a friend's house and pay board.
PS: If you need to earn some extra money, like £10 / £25 every other week or something to help with payments, you can try sites like Vivatic and do surveys for money, or get paid for downloading and testing apps on your phone with Featurepoints.com and use code 2ZYHEC to get 50 starting points.
I live in a shared house and pay £59 per week in rent, plus £70 per month in bills (and some of that will come back as a rebate at the end of the year), so £306 per month.
The idea that you're paying £60 per week just for utilities is ridiculous.
Move out - at least that way you'll understand where your money's going, and be able to budget properly.
The idea that you're paying £60 per week just for utilities is ridiculous.
Move out - at least that way you'll understand where your money's going, and be able to budget properly.
You should have to understand completely about your financial situation.
Anyhow, your mother is great!
203k Streamline loan
Anyhow, your mother is great!
203k Streamline loan
Just out of interest, did you put the 'living at home' or the 'living away from home' option on your SFE application? I know if you're 'living away from home', you get more money. If that is allowed, then it could come in handy for you.
Saying that, of course it's good to follow the rest of the advice in this thread to make sure the money being spent is done so efficiently.
Saying that, of course it's good to follow the rest of the advice in this thread to make sure the money being spent is done so efficiently.
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