Is dumping by text too harsh?

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I don't have his email address, and I know I'd work myself into a panic attack by speaking to him, just the thought of meeting up makes me feel light headed.

So what is left? Ask him for his email?

How would you write a text? If I was dumped by text I would be fine, as long as it was informative of reasons. Not ''Hi, just wanted to say you are dumped''

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Reply 21

Lord Jon

Original post by tomov

Just let him have the v and take it like a trooper

Are you serious? ....

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Reply 22

tomov

Just let him have the v and take it like a trooper

Reply 23

Batmin

Original post by Zarek

Even quite short relationships can be significant and intense and consequently the break up very upsetting.

It's not an official relationship, nor has it been intense or massively significant, we've honestly acted more like friends than anything else.

Reply 24

Batmin

Original post by tomov

Just let him have the v and take it like a trooper

Never.

Reply 25

nObnoxious

Original post by tomov

Just let him have the v and take it like a trooper

Behave.

Reply 26

username1063128

Original post by Batmin

Any suggestions on where a place to meet up would be then? We don't live near/work/study together. So it'd be him driving to my area, (since I neither drive or know his area at all) for a brief time in a public place having an incredibly awkward discussion (and anxiety filled for me).

Can't you take the bus? It would be quite spiteful asking him to drive all that way just for you to dump him. Ask to meet up somewhere that you know and travel to him would be best. Do it somewhere quiet so that if he has any questions you can answer them. I know it will be hard doing it but it's for the best

Reply 27

homayoun

lol if my girl breaks up with me over the phone i dont think i even wanna go out with her anymore!

Reply 28

Minion125

Original post by Batmin

Never.

I genuinely think you should just do it by text.

Just read your post about him having to drive to see you? I would rather someone dump me by text than me travelling to see them only for them to tell me it is over.

Or…if you are going to do it face to face you need to let him know that 'you need to speak to him and it is very important' or something to that effect ..so the poor guy doesn't greet you with a massive smile and flowers only to find out you're ending it.

Forget this whole 'it's heartless to do it over text' because it really isn't. It's quick, easy and you'll never have to think about it again. There will be no muddling of words etc and he'll understand.

Good luck whatever you decide OP. :smile:

Reply 29

Studentus-anonymous

Original post by Batmin

I've been dating a guy since November, we've only been on a handful of dates with long periods in between but he's very much more keen on me than I am on him.

Thing is, he's been incredibly sweet, and is an amazing guy. The reason I want to end what we've got is that since starting I've come to realise that I don't want a relationship, and know that I'm not ready and unwilling to be open with someone else yet. Also, there's no 'spark' between us, and he's tried to move things quite quickly, as he's never dated before and I'm his first date/kiss.

I just don't know how to go about it, I don't think I can do it to his face, because I'm a coward, and I'm already racked with guilt that I don't think I could face him. We both detest speaking on the phone, and have only done so once. But is a text too harsh? We haven't seen each other for two weeks, and I've been getting progressively distant in texts, especially as drama at home and uni has unfolded. Our conversations lack depth.

It's definitely going to be along the things of me letting him down gently, and explaining that I'm struggling with Uni (which he knows) and that it's very much that my issue, not anything to do with him, which is true. My friends keep telling me I *must* meet up with him.

Particularly looking for a guy's perspective tbh.

I'd say you have some room to manoeuvre because you have been on so few dates and aren't really in deep at all.

However ideally it should always be face to face.

Could you compromise by meeting up with him and simply dumping him quickly?

Just say you want to meet up to talk (basically say it in a way he knows it's over before you even get there) and when you do, keep it shrot and sweet?

"Sorry but I can't do this any more, it's just not working out, I'm sorry" then leave?

You could send him a text/message/letter afterwards fully explaining yourself if you need to, and even explaining why the break up talk was so short.

Best of luck OP, it's nice to see you genuinely seem worried about hurting this guy, but a break up is a break up, and there's no truly nice way to do it. Likewise there's no reason to drag it out and if you need to chuck by text if nothing else go for it.

But do try to say the fateful words face to face if at all possible.

Reply 30

buchanan700

Original post by Batmin

I don't have his email address, and I know I'd work myself into a panic attack by speaking to him, just the thought of meeting up makes me feel light headed.

Tough. If you don't want to be 'too harsh', then you've got to get over it and do it via phone (acceptable if you don't see each other much/ haven't been going out long), or face-to-face, which would be even better.

You asked if it's too harsh, and yes it is.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 31

Batmin

Original post by SMEGGGY

The gist would be:

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to meet up again, since it's not fair on you or expect you to wait around for me, especially not with all the things that's been going on with me recently and struggling with work and University. You deserve more, and right now I don't think I can offer more than just being friends."

Reply 32

Tootles

Original post by Batmin

How far away does he live? Maybe you should try for somewhere between you, roughly the same distance from both, so the ground's more neutral, have a coffee and talk about it, tell him how you feel.

Reply 33

Batmin

Original post by luckylaurax

Exactly one reason why I'd rather go by text. I've never been to his town before, or know what buses go there, and even that would still entail him driving into his own town. Everywhere else we've been is too far away and expensive for this.

Reply 34

ibn_salim

For his sake, I really hope you don't do it over the phone. IF he really is a nice guy like you say, especially then I hope you can do it with him.

When I broke up with my gf (who I had been with over a year) not too long ago, it lasted like an hour and a half-ish. Ye, just breaking up lasted aprox an hour lol. What I thought was going to be "we should stop this" turned out to be a full conversation of explaining, comforting etc.

Well I'm only 16 so I'm not sure how seriously you want to take my advice. But, I do think you should talk to him about it, about how you feel and come to agreements. If it's a text, you won't even get to know his response on the matter etc. Ps, it will be super awkward if you guys were to walk past each other in the future after breaking up via the phone, even more so than breaking up in person.

WELL ye, hope my opinion could be of help. Hope things go well

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Reply 35

Batmin

Original post by Tootles

How far away does he live? Maybe you should try for somewhere between you, roughly the same distance from both, so the ground's more neutral, have a coffee and talk about it, tell him how you feel.

Over an hour away, I don't know anywhere in between.

Reply 36

Crazy92

Just do it by text, it's not like you two are married.

Though it depends how much you will see him again!

Reply 37

Tootles

Original post by Batmin

Over an hour away, I don't know anywhere in between.

Hmm, that is a little more awkward...

Reply 38

Batmin

Original post by Crazy92

Just do it by text, it's not like you two are married.

Though it depends how much you will see him again!

Literally never again mostly likely. And in a few months I'll be graduating University and moving further away. So yeah...

Reply 39

hermitthefrog

I don't actually think in this type of situation dumping by text would be the end of the world. From what I've gathered you guys aren't actually together, just seeing each other? In that case, if it's a very casual thing I don't get what's wrong with just saying casually over text that you don't see him that way? It's hardly like you're ending a serious, long term relationship you guys have been DATING for THREE MONTHS. People on here need to get a bit of perspective. People grow apart all the time after that amount of time.