Why are you shallow if you discount someone based on looks?

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Ripper-Roo
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In terms of relationships.

For example, a girl doesn't want to go out with a guy because she finds him ugly, or vice versa. This isn't bad because you need to be attracted to someone for a relationship to be formed, it's only realistic.

If you happen to think someone has a nice personality, great, but that's better for a friendship.
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yo radical one
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I would reword the question, but in essence I agree.

Why is being shallow bad?

People try to maximize their own personal benefit, so people who are not good looking will shame people who are, as well as others who care about looks.
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miser
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I don't think it is fair to call someone 'shallow'. Fact is, nobody controls whom or what they're attracted to. If you're not attracted to someone, no amount of people telling you you should be is going to change that, so judging people for things they can't change is in my opinion both unfair and pointless. Unless, of course, the goal isn't to promote better values but rather to assert one's own superiority using arbitrary criteria the asserter happens to meet.
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by Ripper-Roo)
In terms of relationships.

For example, a girl doesn't want to go out with a guy because she finds him ugly, or vice versa. This isn't bad because you need to be attracted to someone for a relationship to be formed, it's only realistic.

If you happen to think someone has a nice personality, great, but that's better for a friendship.
It just isn't nice is it. We all have to be atttacted to something in a person, be it looks, personality, attitude, humour and so on.

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Mr Smurf
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Um..you aren't. :erm:
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ChangeOurWorld
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(Original post by Ripper-Roo)
In terms of relationships.

For example, a girl doesn't want to go out with a guy because she finds him ugly, or vice versa. This isn't bad because you need to be attracted to someone for a relationship to be formed, it's only realistic.

If you happen to think someone has a nice personality, great, but that's better for a friendship.
I'd argue its not bad, it's perfectly normal. Obviously looks aren't the only factor but yes it can be the deciding factor but I don't view that as being shallow.
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SoftPunch
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Good question. Looks do play some importance. Although, personality is a bigger factor.
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Red one
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(Original post by Ripper-Roo)
In terms of relationships.

For example, a girl doesn't want to go out with a guy because she finds him ugly, or vice versa. This isn't bad because you need to be attracted to someone for a relationship to be formed, it's only realistic.

If you happen to think someone has a nice personality, great, but that's better for a friendship.
That's your opinion and while you're entitled to having one it by no means reflects the thoughts of the general population. I know quite a lot of ugly people on my course that have infectious personalities who are currently in a relationship with someone way out of their league.


Being funny is attractive in it's own right, for example. :rolleyes:
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by miser)
I don't think it is fair to call someone 'shallow'. Fact is, nobody controls whom or what they're attracted to. If you're not attracted to someone, no amount of people telling you you should be is going to change that, so judging people for things they can't change is in my opinion both unfair and pointless. Unless, of course, the goal isn't to promote better values but rather to assert one's own superiority using arbitrary criteria the asserter happens to meet.
Actually I knew of a girl I worked with who was getting pestered by a lad who also worked with us. He was a skinny, 6 ft lad. She didn't like him and always made it clear to him.

He'd get his mates to talk to her, encourage her to give him a chance, etc etc. She gave in at the end, used to see them kissing outside it was awful lol. She dumped after a week.

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Red one
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Looks don't last forever having a sense of humor on the other hand.
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tengentoppa
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Because we live in a society where everyone's afraid of causing offense and being judged, so they claim to like or not like someone based on something other than their looks. Sad really.
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chocolatesauce
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its probably because of the judging thing...
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tengentoppa
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(Original post by Red one)
Looks don't last forever having a sense of humor on the other hand.
Yes but you can't get sexually aroused by a sense of humour.
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quirksy
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It's not shallow, while personality should be the main factor, attraction plays a pretty big part too! Don't feel bad about it, it's only natural. Though I do tend to find people more attractive when I like their personalities anyway, so maybe don't totally discount them when you haven't got to know them first, if they have potential, you might change your mind!
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2ndClass
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reminds me of this :lol:

Image

I consider myself pretty shallow when it comes to looks, especially regarding a girl's derriere.
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Jjj90
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You aren't. Usually it's hypocrite women that spout this nonsense. It's no more shallow dismissing someone because of looks than dismissing them because of their personality, it's hardly as if anyone can help either.
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Indismissable_Me
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A lot of people want to believe that what they consider to be attractive is entirely their own decision. Shocker, it's not. In different cultures, different attributes are considered more attractive. We as westerners are bombarded with images of what we must believe is beautiful, from the very first moment we can grasp such a concept. But take villagers in Africa as another example, the men there on average tend to be attracted to larger women (waistline not height), as they see it as a sign of wealth.

If we honestly want to form our own independent concept of beauty, then we would scrub the board clean and begin forming as independently as is possible our own individual concepts of what beauty means to us. Discounting people instantly on looks alone therefore is not bad, but maybe a little ignorant. The fact that so many people are worried about what other people think about them, is in of itself a very irrational act. True friends and family members will not judge you for who you love or judge the person you love. Anybody who does is not a friend, they are simply ignorant trash that should be discarded with the rest of the rubbish.

Take time to get to know people, build up your community of people you interact regularly with and see where life leads you. The truth is regardless of what people tend to say or think, when you fall you fall hard. It could be a friend of the opposite sex who you have known most of your life. But once your mind decides on something and those chemicals start flowing you are merely a vessel being steered by your nature.
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Tom_green_day
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For me looks are at least 60% of the battle. I won't go out of my way to get to know a girl unless I find her relatively good looking, and I definitely won't go out with her if I don't think she's attractive.
I call bull**** when people say that they only care about the personality. They just say that to seem caring or to earn brownie points with the opposite sex.
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SkinnyKat
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Of course looks matter. Maybe personality/sense of humour makes you stay but it's looks that get you there in the first place.
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may348
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Something I've found is that if I'm attracted to your personality, I can still find you very physically attractive even if you aren't conventionally so. On the other hand, if you have a terrible personality but look like a model I won't find you attractive in the slightest.
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