Confused and scared about falling in love...

Talk to him, and tell him the things that you posted here. That's the easiest way to sort this all out. Marriage at 18 is young, but you do what's right for you and don't listen to the people that put you down, like the girls you were talking about. However, that's not to say don't listen to advice from those that care about you such as your parents and friends. It can be hard to figure out if you love someone or not, some may know right away and others might need time to figure it all out. Don't beat yourself up about that. Just remember to think long and hard about this and don't rush into marriage if you aren't sure. I can't judge you and neither will anyone else on here because they don't know you.

Talk to him, if you need time to figure out your feelings then take that time. tell him how you feel otherwise its all going to go to ****.


Posted from TSR Mobile

stop being so scared and just be honest with him, talk through how you feel with him so he understands how you're feeling

Haha true but I just can't help it I'm not used to this and it's a big jump to go from a girl who has casual relationships who is still a virgin to a girl who is engaged. I feel as if it's too much of a gap to cross. How do I go about telling him this and asking for time without hurting him?

That's exactly why I got scared. I haven't even considered marriage at this age or for a couple years later but he says he's scared that some guy will think he has a chance with me and doesn't want to lose me to anyone. My parents don't agree with marriage at this age but my mother (because she's met him multiple times before) says she wouldn't oppose after a couple of years. Shall I just tell him I'm not ready but willing to wait and see how we are with each other? I don't know how to start talking about it because we don't discuss our love lives with each other in detail so this is a little out of depths for me

If you aren't ready for marriage, tell him. He can't force you, and don't feel bad when he says he doesn't want to lose you to anyone. I personally think that your mother has the right idea in that waiting a few years, live a little and then see if you feel ready after that few years. I think she's mainly worried that if you get married right now, you'll miss out on the experiences you could have had and then wind up regretting it and resenting him. If he really wants to marry you, he will respect your feelings and wishes and not try and push you into it. Tell him that you don't want marriage right now, but would like to use this time to build a strong relationship with him (if that's what you want of course). If not just tell him you flat out don't want to get married and your reasons for it, and keep on telling him until he gets it.

I know it can be hard talking about your feelings with people, I myself find it hard because I don't like being seen as vulnerable. But I'm afraid it's the only way. If you find it hard to get the words out, write it all down and show him. Getting everything down on paper will help to clear your mind of all the jumbled thoughts and worries floating around in there.


Posted from TSR Mobile

Thank you! That's made me feel much better and I will speak to him soon. I don't want to get married yet but I also don't want to lose what we have already. I'll take the time to strengthen our relationship and discuss this with him. What I'm also worried about, is that he's also rushing into this (he's only 21 which is young for marriage) and I think we should talk about this properly. I was initially scared of voicing everything because of his reaction but I'd rather do that than face regrets later. After all, we're both young and need to experience life just like you said (and like my parents would want). I'm not sure about this, but I think he thinks the only serious relationship I will get into is marriage (which isn't the case of course) because of my being lax with my previous relationships. Thank you so much again

Definitely talk to him! When you haven't been with anyone before, it's really easy to feel pressured into moving things along faster than you're comfortable with, and he definitely is doing that. I know when I first met my boyfriend, jokey comments about marriage from my friends at the time and not feeling comfortable with opening up to someone the way you should do in a relationship made me push him away a bit and he was convinced that I didn't want us to be anything more than friends. So I can't imagine how under pressure an actual marriage proposal would make you feel!

You clearly already have a strong bond, and he can't just propose to you because he thinks he'll lose you if you're not married. 18 is a young age and you have no idea what will happen in the future. You want to be with him now, but who knows how you might feel in a few years' time? Marriage is a huge commitment, and it seems like maybe he hasn't really thought it through if he thinks it's the only way you can be together. Tell him that you know you have something special with him but you don't feel you know him well enough to make such a big commitment, and you'd like to get to know him better and reconsider in a couple of years. Reassure him that he isn't going to lose you but you want to take things slowly and be honest with him about your fears of falling in love. If he does want to be with you enough to propose to you now so he doesn't lose you to anyone else, then so long as he knows you do feel something for him, he should respect that and wait and be willing to take things slowly with you.

When I look back to the time I fell in love with my boyfriend, I realise that falling was a very good verb to describe how it felt, and it was a bit frightening because it just started to happen; it was so intense and it was like I wasn't in control at all. Not to say it wasn't a good thing because the moment you realise you love someone and sharing that with them is utterly fantastic, but it's a very emotional thing and my head was all over the place for a bit. It's hard to get your head around if it's never happened to you before.