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Christian girlfriend - NOTHING before marriage watch

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    Heyya,

    So my Christian girlfriend of around 4 months told me the other day that she doesn't want to do anything sexual until marriage. Literally nothing after first base. We've already been quite far past there so needless to say it came as quite a shock. She said that god doesn't want her to do it basically, which I can't really argue with. I got into the relationship knowing she was no sex before and I was fine with it, but I feel this is stretching it somewhat. She's going off to uni next year and I'm fine with that too. My question is, what would you do in this situation?

    There are two things grinding me about this. Firstly on a purely superficial level, god is **** blocking me. I mean I like to think i'm reasonably tolerant and understanding but it is an important part of a relationship, it's fun and I feel without it it just feels like there's no excitement anymore.

    Secondly and more importantly, it's clear that religion in starting to play an important part in our relationship, affecting my life as well as hers. Perhaps I was a little naive to think that this wouldn't happen but it's still a bit of a blow. As an atheist, having something that I don't believe in have an active presence in our relationship sucks. Especially since I come second, and I always will. I just don't feel special and that it's making us drift apart.

    Having said that I love her to bits and she's a fantastic person all-round. I love spending time with her and before the revelation everything was fine. Now it just seems like the dynamic has shifted rapidly and I'm a bit confused as to what my next move should be.

    Advice please!
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    You want my honest advice, as a Christian?
    If it's a big issue for you, then maybe it's time to think about moving on.
    I don't know her, I don't know what faith she has, or her background but it is taught in the Church not to be 'unevenly yoked with non believers'.
    I'm not saying she will leave you, but I've known Christians who have pulled out of relationships because of that, and they've known it was going to happen...meanwhile the poor non Christian thinks everything is dandy until they break up, and they get hurt.
    It's quite likely that due to your different beliefs, conflict *could* arise.
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    (Original post by Standard Procedure)
    You want my honest advice, as a Christian?
    If it's a big issue for you, then maybe it's time to think about moving on.
    I don't know her, I don't know what faith she has, or her background but it is taught in the Church not to be 'unevenly yoked with non believers'.
    I'm not saying she will leave you, but I've known Christians who have pulled out of relationships because of that, and they've known it was going to happen...meanwhile the poor non Christian thinks everything is dandy until they break up, and they get hurt.
    It's quite likely that due to your different beliefs, conflict *could* arise.
    I agree with this. If she has her beliefs don't discourage her or try to get her to change her mind because she'll resent you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Heyya,

    So my Christian girlfriend of around 4 months told me the other day that she doesn't want to do anything sexual until marriage. Literally nothing after first base. We've already been quite far past there so needless to say it came as quite a shock. She said that god doesn't want her to do it basically, which I can't really argue with. I got into the relationship knowing she was no sex before and I was fine with it, but I feel this is stretching it somewhat. She's going off to uni next year and I'm fine with that too. My question is, what would you do in this situation?

    There are two things grinding me about this. Firstly on a purely superficial level, god is **** blocking me. I mean I like to think i'm reasonably tolerant and understanding but it is an important part of a relationship, it's fun and I feel without it it just feels like there's no excitement anymore.

    Secondly and more importantly, it's clear that religion in starting to play an important part in our relationship, affecting my life as well as hers. Perhaps I was a little naive to think that this wouldn't happen but it's still a bit of a blow. As an atheist, having something that I don't believe in have an active presence in our relationship sucks. Especially since I come second, and I always will. I just don't feel special and that it's making us drift apart.

    Having said that I love her to bits and she's a fantastic person all-round. I love spending time with her and before the revelation everything was fine. Now it just seems like the dynamic has shifted rapidly and I'm a bit confused as to what my next move should be.

    Advice please!
    I don't think you can just tell him to break up - he said he loves her to bits. I guess OP could always say that converted if he wanted to... What has he got to lose?

    Think about it logically though...
    I also don't think waiting till marriage is a bad thing- perhaps it will help the two of you bond better if you get married.

    And what does it matter if you ''come second'' or not, it doesn't mean just becoz she's religious you'll be less likely to stick together! And if it does mean that, how can you say that you love her when the lack of sex will make u love her less? Successful relationships arent just about sex you know!!

    Even you could say that she comes second to your atheistic beliefs, that doesn't mean you're gonna love her less is it?
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    this is a good field for me. i can usually make them see the ways of the devil.
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    I'll just clarify: Obviously I don't want her to go against her beliefs or lose them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried we're incompatible.

    By coming second I mean that in important decisions she'll turn to god before she turns to me. Which sucks a bit I have to say.

    Thanks for your opinions & advice so far!
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    Buy her the the god delusion & run.
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    She is as she is, get over it.
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    If you love everything about her, and you're willing to wait until marriage, then stay with her.
    She could initiate it, but only if the words come out of her mouth. But please don't sleep with her if she's drunk... alcohol makes one act stupid and irresponsible.
    If that's not what you seriously want in a relationship, then stop wasting your time, and find another girl to date that will make you happier.
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    Do not wait until marriage. That will be a serious regret in 40 or 50 years, to have wasted your youth, and it is very likely to warp your sexuality into something dysfunctional.

    For girls like this, men must vote with their feet.

    She has an obligation to have sex with you in a relationship. That's all there is to it. If she'd rather choose God, she must forsake having a boyfriend, unless he's a devout Christian too who has also made a commitment to abstain.

    I'm sorry if you feel you're in love with her, but I assume you are mature enough to be pragmatic about love. It's not worth it.
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    Personally I think it would be a good idea to show her what's written here, I mean what you've said. It's quite possible that she hasn't thought about it from your viewpoint, she will know that it will effect you but not how you'll feel about it (unless you tell her). I understand you feeling hurt by this, as well as feeling second best there is probably some sort of resentment for her not having told you in the first place. Allowing you to fall in love with her, sex being a part of a loving relationship and then denying you that part, it's frustrating when you want to be close to someone.
    You don't need to break up with her, or stay with her but if you love her, talk to her; some good quality communication could make this whole thing a lot easier for both of you.
    Good luck and hope this helps! X
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    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    Do not wait until marriage. That will be a serious regret in 40 or 50 years, to have wasted your youth, and it is very likely to warp your sexuality into something dysfunctional.

    For girls like this, men must vote with their feet.

    She has an obligation to have sex with you in a relationship. That's all there is to it. If she'd rather choose God, she must forsake having a boyfriend, unless he's a devout Christian too who has also made a commitment to abstain.

    I'm sorry if you feel you're in love with her, but I assume you are mature enough to be pragmatic about love. It's not worth it.

    There should never be an 'obligation' when it comes to sex, it should always be a privilege and a gift.
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    Kick her to the curb asap. Why should she get a relationship when you are the only one bringing anything to the table? You can have the hottest girl in the world but if you can't hit it then you have a friend. Give it one last shot after a few bottles of wine but if there's still no cigar then drop her like a bad smell.

    Then slap yourself in the face for letting someone be your girlfriend BEFORE sex.
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    Lol OP.
    So you knew about that before you got into the relationship and you probably thought that she would change her mind once you two got together, but now that she didn't - you come and whine on TSR...
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    (Original post by Jebedee)
    Kick her to the curb asap. Why should she get a relationship when you are the only one bringing anything to the table? You can have the hottest girl in the world but if you can't hit it then you have a friend. Give it one last shot after a few bottles of wine but if there's still no cigar then drop her like a bad smell.

    Then slap yourself in the face for letting someone be your girlfriend BEFORE sex.
    Pathetic. Just for sex a person should act like a complete retard you are suggesting him to be? If a relationship was based on sex, I would prefer ONS to it. A variety and no commitment. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Blood lover)
    Pathetic. Just for sex a person should act like a complete retard you are suggesting him to be? If a relationship was based on sex, I would prefer ONS to it. A variety and no commitment. :rolleyes:
    Whether you like it or not, sex is a part of a relationship just as compatibility and communication are. Would you ever deprive your partner of communication? Of course not.
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    >We've already been quite far past there so needless to say it came as quite a shock.

    She's already done dirty stuff at some point in her life? Listen dude, I would only put up with that if she was completely innocent. Seriously if she's already done stuff, that isn't religion, that's a **** test. If you keep making out, stuff will probably happen, one thing leading to the other, if she knocks you back just act like it's nothing but do something else, no attention either. If she keeps it up, dump her ass.
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    I have been in such a relationship OP, in my case it was me who did not want sex. My ex compromised really well in the beginning, I understood her needs but I was selfish and never gave her a chance to get physically close to me. It messed her up and she cheated on me. I think you should discuss this with her very openly, if you are really sincere, better wait and let the time decide.
    If you can't control, it's better to break up too, but make the reason clear to her and make it mutual, you don't want to regret it or depress her too.
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    (Original post by Jebedee)
    Whether you like it or not, sex is a part of a relationship just as compatibility and communication are. Would you ever deprive your partner of communication? Of course not.
    Sex is a "part" not a core "base" as you suggest. Physical compatibility can be gained gradually if a person isn't so thick headed and judgmental. Communication is a basis of delivering what kind of relationship a couple wants, if they can't do it properly, everything gets at stake.
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    (Original post by Blood lover)
    Sex is a "part" not a core "base" as you suggest. Physical compatibility can be gained gradually if a person isn't so thick headed and judgmental. Communication is a basis of delivering what kind of relationship a couple wants, if they can't do it properly, everything gets at stake.
    A very female opinion, unfortunately for you there are two parties to a relationship and I think the majority of men would disagree.

    If you like her then suggest an open relationship, if she's not giving you any action herself she has no grounds to be upset if you procure it from someone else instead.
 
 
 
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