He said I'm a gold digger!

I've been in a relationship for 3 and half years, and we live 60 miles apart, with it costing £25 for a round trip. He has not visited me in 2 and half years so I have had to go to his every 1-2 weeks- and fitted the bill.

Now I have had enough and lately have demanded a contribution, and he has started reluctantly giving me a tenner here and there (not even half). But now he says that am a gold digger and that it is not his responsibility to give me money!

He has a job and earns 17k, I am a university student with a 12 hour a week weekend job. He doesn't have bills as he lives with his parents. He can't see that he should pay half the money :frown:

what do I do?

Reply 1

unenlightened

what do you think you do !

you have to be reasonable with him, or take a new stance on your relationship. things aren't easy in this life and there's no reason to complicate it by being with some one who is inconsiderate of how much money is thrown about. i assume quite inconsiderate of other thing too!

Reply 2

beccaf87

Tell him to start helping you pay to come out or else he needs to start coming to you. Though he should be sharing the travel anyways.

Reply 3

matt_g96

tell him to look up what 'gold digger' means, then slap him.

Reply 4

Minion125

Original post by beccaf87

Tell him to start helping you pay to come out or else he needs to start coming to you. Though he should be sharing the travel anyways.

This ^ - Took the words right out of my mouth.

He should be understanding especially as you're at university. If I was him I would be the one paying for you to see me and also sharing the travel 50/50 or thereabouts.

Edit: 2 and a half years????? You're good - you've got a lot of patience. Don't let him treat you like that anymore, it's just disgusting. You're making all the effort, I hope he's not like this in any other aspect of your relationship OP? If he is I think you need to evaluate the situation.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

1219269

Original post by beccaf87

Tell him to start helping you pay to come out or else he needs to start coming to you. Though he should be sharing the travel anyways.

This

Reply 6

awe

He's being ridiculous. Unless he is doing something like paying for the food or frequently treating you when the two of you get together, he must contribute to the travel costs for it to be fair - particularly because, as you say, he is the one who is actually able to do so. I'm afraid if he isn't willing to help with the finances to get you two together, and persists in insulting you when you request that help, then something is definitely lacking good balance and needs to be fixed!
Just sit him down and explain to him that meeting up is clearly vital for the relationship to continue, but you cannot be the only one supporting that every fortnight. If he still can't understand that... you deserve better.

Reply 7

Plumstone

This is ridiculous! He clearly has a really bad attitude and doesn't understand how unfair this situation is.

If he is so inconsiderate in this area, I find it hard to believe that he's any more considerate in general. Why are you travelling so far to see someone who clearly doesn't appreciate the effort (temporal and financial) that you are making?

Reply 8

Tootles

Original post by Anonymous

what do I do?

Tell him you can't afford the travel any more, and stop visiting him. Give him an amount of time (a couple of months or more) to visit you, and if he doesn't, end it.

Reply 9

desdemonata

Maybe you should let him know that in most relationships where travel is required, both people travel. Relationships are a give and take deal and you need to both put effort in.

Tell him that if he wants to see you, he should come and see you? Why does he expect you to always go to him?

Reply 10

username242140

I hate to say this, and I really don't mean to sound rude, but it doesn't sound like he's all that into you. You're making it easy for him by doing all the leg work and now that you're asking for money he doesn't want to? It sounds more like he's in it for the convenience of you coming.

Reply 11

Retro Soul

Original post by Anonymous

what do I do?

If the Man expects you to travel to him all the time let alone s few times...he is not that serious.
I could be wrong:-)
He then has the audacity to call you a gold digger,he taking da piss!

Reply 12

SparkleDust231

OP, I would have laughed in his face and ended it, 17k a year and lives with his parents ? You're the worst 'goldigger' ever.

Reply 13

YourDeath

Well since you are travelling to see him maybe he should help out abit, also 17K isnt as much as you think he might even support his parents.

Reply 14

beccaf87

Original post by Retro Soul

If the Man expects you to travel to him all the time let alone s few times...he is not that serious.
I could be wrong:-)
He then has the audacity to call you a gold digger,he taking da piss!

There are some exceptions. I travel to my man more when I was living back home, and probably will again when I move back. However, we both lived with parents for personal reasons(but both have jobs and pay our own way). We got a lot more privacy at his house, so I would travel to him.

However, he would help pay for some of my fuel costs. And would take me out to dinner sometimes.

Reply 15

uberteknik

I assume you still want a relationship with him and he with you?

Apart from the cost, you are doing all the travelling which is time from your life you cannot ever replace.

Tell him you cannot afford the round trip and you must both talk about how to resolve this or you won't be able to see him that often.
His reacton will tell your everything you need to know about the state of your relationship.

Consider whether it's worth investing any more in this relationship - if he's like this now, what hope for the longer term?

Reply 16

Kazbian

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and also live 60 miles apart. We don't usually give each other money for the travelling, but we take it in turns to see each other. There was a point where I was going to his more than him coming to mine (because at the time I had a car and he didn't), so he gave me half the petrol money.

There is a serious problem in the relationship if he hasn't come to visit you for 2.5 years/expects you to pay for all of the travelling. It's very inconsiderate/selfish and suggests he doesn't care much about seeing you.

You should make him come to see you and see how it goes. Chances are he won't or he'll still expect you to visit him more or he'll have the audacity now to ask you to partially fund it.

You deserve to be with someone who will actually want to make the effort to come and see you.