Non-Hetero People...

Yeah people can bit ****ty like that. I lived with people who outed me to people before I even met them, like they'd tell a friend of their who was coming to our party. I don't understand it, at all. I feel like if I was to make a list of 10 interesting facts about me to introduce me with, being queer wouldn't turn up on that list so why other's find it so interesting is a bit beyond me.

Reply 2

if you have no problem with being nonhetero then why do you bother? They would find out anyway

Reply 3

Asolare

OP

20

Original post by Aniaa

if you have no problem with being nonhetero then why do you bother? They would find out anyway

Because I don't see why others make a big deal out of it - as it makes me different? I don't discuss my friend's heterosexuality as a topic of conversation, so I fail to see why my sexuality must always come up as a topic...

Reply 4

Original post by Inexorably

Because I don't see why others make a big deal out of it - as it makes me different? I don't discuss my friend's heterosexuality as a topic of conversation, so I fail to see why my sexuality must always come up as a topic...

because majority of people are hetero and its consider as normal. Your old friends warn your new friends that you are different, thats all. Noone discuss hetero since its normal to be so. All this gay and lesbian thing is quite new and thus, a revelation

Reply 5

Katie_p

15

I have a couple of gay friends who I talk about as my "gay friends" because it kind of defines my friendship with them. They fit the gay man stereotype pretty well, and it's easier for me to refer to them in this way than by name, because people now know who they are. However, being gay is such a huge part of their identities - "stop flaunting your heterosexual lifestyle" type peole - that I doubt they would be offended, and if I introduced them to people, I'd use their names and not refer to their sexuality...but it'd be damn obvious within a few seconds that they're gay!
I'd be pretty annoyed if people introduced me with reference to my sexuality because explaining the fact that I have a boyfriend can be quite uncomfortable, and I really don't see my sexuality as a big part of me. I've stopped even outing myself to people I know, I just let them make assumptions or whatever and if they ask, I'll tell, but I don't see the point in being out, because it just confuses people.
I don't know, maybe I'm a bit hypocritical with the way I'd want to be treated and the way I treat my two mates, but I really don't think they'd mind, and if they did, I'd certainly change.

Reply 6

Midlander

Original post by Aniaa

because majority of people are hetero and its consider as normal. Your old friends warn your new friends that you are different, thats all. Noone discuss hetero since its normal to be so. All this gay and lesbian thing is quite new and thus, a revelation

People have been gay since the dawn of man.

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Reply 7

Original post by Midlander

People have been gay since the dawn of man.

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and they got killed for that. People arent used to the fact that gays go around happily admiting they are together. In my country, few years back the bigger offense for a man was to call him gay

Reply 8

redferry

I've got two friend of the same name with the same hair colour of around the same height. On our course they did sometimes get referred to as gay Dan and straight Dan. Is that bad?

Reply 9

Midlander

Original post by Aniaa

and they got killed for that. People arent used to the fact that gays go around happily admiting they are together. In my country, few years back the bigger offense for a man was to call him gay

Well this isn't your country. Gay people have been around for millennia, it's just more people have moved on from being bigots.

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Reply 10

SMEGGGY

21

Original post by Inexorably

Do you ever find that your friends/people you know are very quick to tell people you have only just met, that you're not straight?
---
Here's an example:

Person A = Old friend
Person B = Person I've just met and am "becoming" friends with

I speak to Person B for let's say a day or two and then Person A meets them. Person A will tell Person B that I'm not straight during a conversation completely randomly.
---
I don't get it? I don't go and introduce my friends and say "Hey this is Bob, he's straight" so I don't see why my old friends feel the need to tell people I meet that I'm not straight.

I don't have a problem with my sexuality, I'm just not one for "flaunting" it and get fed up with people thinking my sexuality is groundbreaking news.

Sigh, does this happen to others or just me?

I agree. Tell them to stop it or when they do it again, say that they are straight. It'll stop no doubt.

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Reply 11

El Salvador

21

This is pretty contradictory. On the one hand you believe that your sexuality shouldn't be a 'groundbreaking news', on the other you do not like people who share their sexuality like it's not a groundbreaking news. (You won't tell someone about it very early on if you see it as something very big.)

Regardless, the answer is simple. Not everybody thinks like you, not everybody feels like you. To some people, it is important not to hide anything. Since the society makes it that everyone will automatically assume that you are straight, it makes no sense to clarify that you are, but that you are not.

Coming out to a lot of people also is a positive way to help the community. Only by speaking out and letting people realise that 'gay people exist' can they normalise their feelings towards gay people.

Reply 12

Asolare

OP

20

Original post by clh_hilary

This is pretty contradictory. On the one hand you believe that your sexuality shouldn't be a 'groundbreaking news', on the other you do not like people who share their sexuality like it's not a groundbreaking news. (You won't tell someone about it very early on if you see it as something very big.)

Regardless, the answer is simple. Not everybody thinks like you, not everybody feels like you. To some people, it is important not to hide anything. Since the society makes it that everyone will automatically assume that you are straight, it makes no sense to clarify that you are, but that you are not.

Coming out to a lot of people also is a positive way to help the community. Only by speaking out and letting people realise that 'gay people exist' can they normalise their feelings towards gay people.

Bold = I haven't actually said this :P Are people assuming this because I said I'm not one for "flaunting it"? If so, that's just what I feel about myself - I don't see it as a big deal. I don't care about how other people treat their sexuality, if they want to ''flaunt it'' then good for them. I'm only trying to argue from my perspective here.

I'm not effectively hiding anything. If someone asks me "are you gay/bi" then I will happily answer them. I just get irritated when people treat my sexuality as something ground breaking, as tbf i've gotten far too used to it to consider it anything groundbreaking.

I understand not everyone will feel the same way, but this is just the problems that I have with it :P

Reply 13

El Salvador

21

Original post by Inexorably

Bold = I haven't actually said this :P Are people assuming this because I said I'm not one for "flaunting it"? If so, that's just what I feel about myself - I don't see it as a big deal. I don't care about how other people treat their sexuality, if they want to ''flaunt it'' then good for them. I'm only trying to argue from my perspective here.

I'm not effectively hiding anything. If someone asks me "are you gay/bi" then I will happily answer them. I just get irritated when people treat my sexuality as something ground breaking, as tbf i've gotten far too used to it to consider it anything groundbreaking.

I understand not everyone will feel the same way, but this is just the problems that I have with it :P

Well if it is almost the very first thing you disclose, it cannot be a groundbreaking news. It's not flaunting it either. You often tell people your name when you first meet them, and that definitely is not a sign that you are treating your name as a groundbreaking news. Treating it as a groundbreaking news would be like, after you meet someone several times, you go all serious and say you have something you would like to confess. And then you talk about your sexuality.

I agree with you to be honest. The same as "gay pride" and "black pride". I don't get why they make such a big deal about it. If people want to be treated normally, just like everybody else, then why all the big song and dance? Why not just quietly get on with it!?
I'd be annoyed too OP.

Reply 15

PG593

Original post by Inexorably

Do you ever find that your friends/people you know are very quick to tell people you have only just met, that you're not straight?
---
Here's an example:

Person A = Old friend
Person B = Person I've just met and am "becoming" friends with

I speak to Person B for let's say a day or two and then Person A meets them. Person A will tell Person B that I'm not straight during a conversation completely randomly.
---
I don't get it? I don't go and introduce my friends and say "Hey this is Bob, he's straight" so I don't see why my old friends feel the need to tell people I meet that I'm not straight.

I don't have a problem with my sexuality, I'm just not one for "flaunting" it and get fed up with people thinking my sexuality is groundbreaking news.

Sigh, does this happen to others or just me?

Hi mate I totally get what you mean, and don't listen to all these other hetero people certainly when they haven't been in that position.

I've been in that situation a few times, it's really about how you feel around your old friend. If it makes you uncomfortable then say to them...'can't you stop opening the convo with oh yeah he's gay'.

Personally I stopped caring awhile ago, you are who you are, but I sympathise it's a bit unnecessary to repeatedly introduce or mention that as if it's mandatory.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 16

PG593

Original post by Aniaa

because majority of people are hetero and its consider as normal. Your old friends warn your new friends that you are different, thats all. Noone discuss hetero since its normal to be so. All this gay and lesbian thing is quite new and thus, a revelation

New to certain individuals perhaps but a revelation...that's a bit of an overstatement.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 17

Original post by PG593

New to certain individuals perhaps but a revelation...that's a bit of an overstatement.

a lot of people still find it shocking, especially when it comes to men

Reply 18

PG593

Original post by Aniaa

a lot of people still find it shocking, especially when it comes to men

Mainly because people haven't been exposed to it. I don't blame hetero people for feeling that way as long as they don't take prejudice to it. It's all a matter of becoming more open minded to the reality of today. Gay people have been around since the beginning (even if they led surreptitious lives) and they'll still be here till the end of mankind, that's never going to change.

Reply 19