The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

PhD student with an unemployed boyfriend

Hello,

I am in the first year of my PhD at Oxbridge (don't want to specify). My boyfriend has been unemployed for nearly a year now and this is causing friction because I'm starting to find him annoying in so many ways. I am massively stressed at the moment and he's looking and applying for jobs, but is far from busy. He has plenty of time to analyse our arguments (after we argue) and at times I have spent most of the night before a deadline arguing or sorting out an argument. He was supportive initially, but now I find that he has become distant. Additionally, he keeps commenting on how I was more fun before I started my research degree. He spends a lot of time hanging out with his friends and our arguments have become a regular feature of our relationship now.

I admit that I snap a lot now, but it's hard not to when he's so free and troubles me about our arguments/issues right before deadlines or after a long day in the lab.

Any advice?
Perhaps you should consider splitting up. PhDs take years and if he doesn't truly support you then you will continue to argue and not enjoy your course. You should sit him down - not immediately after an argument - and explain how bad things have become and if he can't/won't change you will have to end it. He could have issues of his own to bring up: you make it sound like he isn't really taking the job search seriously but perhaps he's become completely demoralised and is in a negative cycle of depression about his future. But whatever issues he is going through, you have a right to enjoy your free time without arguments and it might take the threat of leaving to change the situation.

Good luck x

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you