Been rejected from friendship group unfairly?

I'm part of a pretty close friendship group from home (we all go to different uni's). Recently however, most of the group have grown to dislike one of the girls, thinking that she's sly and manipulative (for very fair reasons which I won't go into). In all fairness i'm starting to not like her either, although I generally spend more time with her than any of the others.

Unfortunately on a very drunken night out I ended up getting with her. Although me and her can laugh it off, the rest of the group are pretty certain that it's a full blown affair. They now associate me with her and i'm therefore pretty sure they're starting to dislike me also. For example, i've heard along the grapevine that one person is having a "secret party" at their uni, which is invitation only. I'm not invited, and can't think of any reason why I shouldn't be - I usually would be? I don't want to be judged on the same level as this girl.

It's annoying as I am in no way affiliated to this girl and it's wrecking my friendship with the rest of the group!! How do I go about solving this?

Reply 1

NothingToSeeHere

You sound about 12. Why are you still caring about friendship groups in uni?

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Reply 2

harry212

Original post by NothingToSeeHere

You sound about 12. Why are you still caring about friendship groups in uni?

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I've known these guys for about 15 years now, so sorry if I care a little bit!

Reply 3

NothingToSeeHere

Original post by harry212

I've known these guys for about 15 years now, so sorry if I care a little bit!

Since you are adults, instead of creeping around forming hostilities with each other, why not sit them down and discuss your situation with them?

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Reply 4

Jordooooom

Confront some of them as to why you weren't invited. If they say it's because of your other friend, just explain how it really is

Reply 5

awe

You say you're close and have been together for 15 years, but in fact what you describe is a group that was close once, and now that you are all beginning to start your own lives, develop your own personalities, you are perhaps not as tight as you wish to be, or think yourselves still to be. I saw this with students from my secondary school too; the tightest group, always going abroad together, occasionally getting with each other, but always having so much fun and being 'there' for each other, largely. Everyone was a little envious growing up alongside these people and not being in the group. P: However, come first year of university... they just started to wander away. And as much as they try to stay friends, you just know that they would have to accept that it was 'over' - at least what they had before was.

It sounds to me like that is what your group is doing? Apologies if I'm totally wrong. I think it's a very subtle, awkward little thing that starts very sneakily, but ends up resulting in people that acknowledge they love the others in the group still, but just don't really have the time or space in their life for them as much as possible. Because it's not always easy to see this, I think it can turn groups struggling with the idea into something self-destructive - and this is what I see happening in your friendship group. It's almost trying to prove that it's close by getting rid of 'weak' links. I think within a year it won't be trying to grasp itself so much. And I think you shouldn't worry too much about what's happening, just enjoy yourself - to be honest friends that expel you like that after 15 years of friendship really can't be that great now.

(Apologies if none of this makes sense, it's 2am and I have way too much work to get through by 9am, my words are wonky P: )

Been rejected from friendship group unfairly?

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