Saying Happy Valentines Day to a girl with a boyfriend

So there's this girl whom I'm friends with and I really like her (and she doesn't know), but she already has a boyfriend. I was just wanting to say something like "Happy Valentines Day :smile:

" to her on Facebook on Friday.

Would that be too much, considering she has a boyfriend? I've never had an opportunity to tell her how I felt about her.

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Reply 1

ilem

Looks like a fairly pointless endeavour to me. You won't gain anything and she won't suddenly decide to ditch her bf for you.

Reply 2

Maid Marian

I wouldn't. She has a boyfriend.

Reply 3

thatitootoo

"Happy Valentines Day"
seriously
:facepalm:

WHY?!?!?

Reply 4

Tootles

I don't personally see what the problem with this is. As long as you're making it clear that you're just giving her your best wishes for the day without intending to make a move on her, I don't see why not. I send one of my friends a card or a note or whatever every Valentine's day - whom I have feelings for, and who has a boyfriend.

Reply 5

Orthonym

Saying "happy valentines day" is not an opportunity to share how you feel with her. she will most likely say "aw thanks, happy valentines day to you too! :smile:

" and she still won't have a clue that you like her.

I think valentines day is a bad time to tell her about your feelings because she is spending time with her boyfriend and trying to focus on her relationship, so it might make her awkward towards you, she'll feel that she needs to tell her boyfriend that you like her ect.

I would really try to move on and not be best friends with her, because she's with someone else and you'll just want to be with her the whole of the way through your friendship. When I meet someone with a partner, or someone I know gets a partner, I see them as out of bounds, if I like them I'll immediately dismiss it, tell myself I need to get over them, then I get over them and like someone else.

Reply 6

BeanofJelly

There's nothing wrong with sending her a polite message, however futile.

But to do so publicly on facebook? I think you are likely to embarrass yourself, and possibly her as well. Declarations of unrequited love are always awkward and slightly pathetic; on top of this "Happy Valentine's Day" is a particularly lame halfway point between obvious and bland.

I'm trying to be cruel to be kind, sorry OP

Reply 7

desdemonata

Original post by Tootles

Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate? She doesn't need a yearly reminder that you still like her.

Reply 8

James CC

Original post by BeanofJelly

Oh, no I didn't mean post it on her wall, I meant as in a PM on Facebook.

Reply 9

James CC

Original post by Orthonym

I think valentines day is a bad time to tell her about your feelings because she is spending time with her boyfriend and trying to focus on her relationship, so it might make her awkward towards you, she'll feel that she needs to tell her boyfriend that you like her ect.

Very true

Reply 10

syrettd

Original post by desdemonata

Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate? She doesn't need a yearly reminder that you still like her.

This, completely this. I dread Valentine's day for this very reason. It feels like having to reject someone all over again, and it's not a nice feeling.

Nooo. Don't do it

Original post by desdemonata

Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate? She doesn't need a yearly reminder that you still like her.

She takes it as it's intended, so she's never considered it inappropriate: it's her opinion of what she needs that would tend to have the edge here.

She and I are very close and very old friends, and if old friends can't do things like that, then I don't know. It's not like I'm making advances on her.

Reply 13

BeanofJelly

Original post by 1st Love

Oh, no I didn't mean post it on her wall, I meant as in a PM on Facebook.

Oh phew!

Still - think about how it is going to be received. If I received such a message from a friend, it would kind of make me pity them and view them as lame - in the nicest possible way (I mean I wouldn't be iron-set in that opinion, nor I would not be unkind about it or treat them differently, it's just sort of how my mind would react).

Surely you should choose one of either: get over your feelings by yourself (recommended), or just tell her straight and get it out of your system. But cautiously hinting that you like her in a really bland way that you can sort of both pretend is just friendly, but really know is a hopeless plea for affections to be returned - is somewhat lame/pathetic in my opinion. Sorry for the brutal honesty :redface:

It could just be me - but I don't see what you stand to gain against the risk of that impression being received.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

desdemonata

Original post by Tootles

But Valentines isn't something you share with friends. It's meant to be either a couples thing or a confession/showing your love thing. And it's not advances, no, but it's a bit... silly isn't it? "I'm still here you know", like she doesn't know anyway. If you're close then she hardly needs a card on a couples day that she'll be celebrating with her boyfriend to remind her that she needs to feel bad about you liking her...

What do you mean by her opinion of what she needs? :confused:

Reply 15

desdemonata

Original post by syrettd

This, completely this. I dread Valentine's day for this very reason. It feels like having to reject someone all over again, and it's not a nice feeling.

I can't imagine how I'd react to a friend sending me a card every year :s-smilie:

especially when I have a boyfriend. I can't imagine the boyfriend would be very impressed either with a "to my lovely valentine" not from him.

Reply 16

miser

I don't think there's anything you have to gain from doing this, so my view is that it isn't worth the trouble.

Reply 17

Welsh Bluebird

Send her this instead.

'Yo gal, man knows you got a man, but man needs to let you know dat he's only got eyes for you. Man also needs to let you know dat if dat man ever disrespect you or be rude to you that man has a place for you to come and seek some tender loving care. Don't ever let man just link dat and leave cause you worth more dan dat. I am not a man dat just wanna tap dat. Im into you!'

I learnt this from Sexy Singh. He's the best teacher of picking up women.

Reply 18

cid

It's one way to ensure she never dates you even if/when she breaks up with her BF ...seriously dinna do do it laddie

Reply 19

Tootles

Original post by desdemonata

I mean that if she finds it inappropriate, she has a big enough mouth to tell me herself.

Yes, it's a day for couples. And yes, maybe it's a little silly, but I don't really care. I love her dearly and do one silly thing once a year just to remind her that whatever happens, absolutely whatever happens, someone will always love her - and I've seen her go through one whole hell of a lot of strife where she's needed exactly what I am. She knows that, but there's no harm in one small, simple act, surely? And she doesn't need to feel bad - she knows that too - she knows I accept that she... well she does love me as well if you want to know* ...is happy with someone else, and that I want her to be happy. This year is actually of particular importance, because she's now... in a situation she can't easily back away from, so the note I'm going to write will be simple, concise, and tell her that I'll never try again - yes, she knows already, but I telling her in words that I'm backing away and won't try anything again.

Sorry... that was probably a lot more verbose and a lot less simple than it seemed in my head.

* We've both been worried about what would happen if it happened and went wrong, and she's explained that she absolutely doesn't want to hurt me, and neither do I her. And I believe her.