Find it very difficult with this illness, dont know why im like this but any advice?

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|\|eptune
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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I just wanted advice as Ive had this issue going on but I dont think that many people think the way I do about this so it might come across as though Im being self centered but its just how I am I'l try and explain.

Ok so being healthy has always been extremely important to me not because I worry about being ill but it just makes me feel 'complete' so to speak. When i workout/do sport i dont really do it because i enjoy it but do it because afterwards i feel healthier/ a step further to having a healthy body.
Ive always felt that clothes make etc are temporary and that a true good body is s healthy disease free one. Its the reason i dont care that im flat chested, i think well im fit healthy and large breasts wont contribute to this. Also Im not into fashion etc as Ive always felt that a true good body is a healthy one. I wear plain clothes etc as I just see clothes/jewellery as so fickle/temporary. Its not a conscious thing sometimes I wish I was more into fashion but Ive always been very into working out, going to the gym and aiming for a good body.

The problem is a few months ago i was diagnosed with a kidney disease . Basically the immune system attacks the kidneys but it is very slow can take up to 20 years before kidney failure, some people dont progress to this even but it depends, most people eventually do. Even though i can live normally for now i find it difficult to handle the fact that my health will get progressively worse. It is not that Im worrying about the future or how it will impact my lifestyle its more the fact that I dont feel myself anymore. Best way I can explain is
I feel that even when i dress nicely im just giving a fake impression of what is really a diseased body, I find it hard to accept myself. Its as though being healthy was my identity and its been taken away. This will sound odd because it probably is lol but I cant change how I am or how I think. In the past people have told me I wear rubbish clothes/have rubbish hair but Ive never cared much as Ive always thought well I have a healthy body thats all I care about. My hair/clothes can be changed in minutes. I guess I dont really like or care myself anymore because of it. This doesnt mean Im going to go mental or anything its more my state of mind.

I just wanted advice i cant think about this any other way as I can only see it from my perspective. I know people who have chronic illnesses live with them but my life and 'identity' (for lack of a better word) was basically centered around aiming towards being perfectly healthy/fit. I don't really enjoy anything else I guess Ive always been far too focused on myself rather than external things but its how I am it doesnt mean I dont care about others. You are probably thinking omg how sad get over it but I really cant help it. Like I said best way to explain it is that I feel 'diseased/ruined' and I cant get rid of this mentality as its just how I am and have always been.

Just wanted advice. Obviously other people manage to cope though they probably have a different perspective/mentality than me whereas mine is just abnormal but been like this all my life. The way I think is stupid I know but yea I dont know how to be any different.


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|\|eptune
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just realised this should have been in the health forum, soz :/
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civilstudent
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I have something wrong with my kidneys, just not sure what yet. I think its important to realise that even though young fit people look healthy it doesnt mean they dont have something wrong themselves, they might not even know it.
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4TSR
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(Original post by |\|eptune)
I just wanted advice as Ive had this issue going on but I dont think that many people think the way I do about this so it might come across as though Im being self centered but its just how I am I'l try and explain.

Ok so being healthy has always been extremely important to me not because I worry about being ill but it just makes me feel 'complete' so to speak. When i workout/do sport i dont really do it because i enjoy it but do it because afterwards i feel healthier/ a step further to having a healthy body.
Ive always felt that clothes make etc are temporary and that a true good body is s healthy disease free one. Its the reason i dont care that im flat chested, i think well im fit healthy and large breasts wont contribute to this. Also Im not into fashion etc as Ive always felt that a true good body is a healthy one. I wear plain clothes etc as I just see clothes/jewellery as so fickle/temporary. Its not a conscious thing sometimes I wish I was more into fashion but Ive always been very into working out, going to the gym and aiming for a good body.

The problem is a few months ago i was diagnosed with a kidney disease . Basically the immune system attacks the kidneys but it is very slow can take up to 20 years before kidney failure, some people dont progress to this even but it depends, most people eventually do. Even though i can live normally for now i find it difficult to handle the fact that my health will get progressively worse. It is not that Im worrying about the future or how it will impact my lifestyle its more the fact that I dont feel myself anymore. Best way I can explain is
I feel that even when i dress nicely im just giving a fake impression of what is really a diseased body, I find it hard to accept myself. Its as though being healthy was my identity and its been taken away. This will sound odd because it probably is lol but I cant change how I am or how I think. In the past people have told me I wear rubbish clothes/have rubbish hair but Ive never cared much as Ive always thought well I have a healthy body thats all I care about. My hair/clothes can be changed in minutes. I guess I dont really like or care myself anymore because of it. This doesnt mean Im going to go mental or anything its more my state of mind.

I just wanted advice i cant think about this any other way as I can only see it from my perspective. I know people who have chronic illnesses live with them but my life and 'identity' (for lack of a better word) was basically centered around aiming towards being perfectly healthy/fit. I don't really enjoy anything else I guess Ive always been far too focused on myself rather than external things but its how I am it doesnt mean I dont care about others. You are probably thinking omg how sad get over it but I really cant help it. Like I said best way to explain it is that I feel 'diseased/ruined' and I cant get rid of this mentality as its just how I am and have always been.

Just wanted advice. Obviously other people manage to cope though they probably have a different perspective/mentality than me whereas mine is just abnormal but been like this all my life. The way I think is stupid I know but yea I dont know how to be any different.


Sorry to hear this.

I will keep my answer very very short -

You are not cheating by dressing well and looking healthy... you only need to mention the fact about your kidney disease if you are about to commit with someone (long term relationship/marriage)

You can share it with best friends as well and close family if you wish... but you don't need to hold a sign telling everyone you are not "that" healthy... it is of no ones business

We dress well because it feels good... and we are more approachable should someone request your help/advice/directions etc - we do not dress/act well because we want people to think we are disease free...

Take it easy...
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