The Student Room Group

Overprotective Parents

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Reply 1
Avatar for 391iady
391iady
13
Original post by umannie
Ok, hi. I'm Annie and I'm doing my A Levels. I'm really scared to post this (especially online) but I thought you'd all have some good ideas for me.

Basically, my parents are ridiculously overprotective and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Me and my mother are barely talking, and when we do talk we're arguing. She seems to want to control every little thing in my life, like who I talk to, what I wear, what I eat, what I look like in general, what kind of music I'm meant to like, the type of boys I'm meant to fancy…

She picks out clothes for me that don't suit me at all, and when I say I don't like them and pick out things I like myself, (which everybody at college seems to like, so they're not disgusting or anything) she goes mad.

I've never been allowed a sleepover, never been to a party. They dislike my friends because they're not 'popular' enough, even though I used to sit with the popular girls and I decided by myself that they weren't the kind of girls I wanted to befriends with, they were bitchy and stuck up. I've been invited to parties and stuff, and I have good social skills and everything so I don't see why they're so overprotective?

I have a job, but I can't walk there on my own because it's 'dangerous.' I'm not allowed to concerts unless I'm with my LITTLE sister (which completely defeats the point of safety,) and aren't doing things that I'd love to be doing because I'm not allowed to go to them.

I've tried to discuss this with my parents, but nothing's been resolved. It's affecting my education right now as I'm so stressed out by it so I want a resolution.

Please help guys (I know I don't know any of you but if you reply THANKYOU so much.)

Annie x


my parents are like this too.
Reply 2
Avatar for Meganekko
Meganekko
1
Oh god... your parents sound exactly like mine! :eek:

Except my dad won't even let me GET a job... or learn to drive. :frown:
This is literally my life...
Reply 4
Avatar for Jerry
Jerry
3
Original post by umannie
Ok, hi. I'm Annie and I'm doing my A Levels. I'm really scared to post this (especially online) but I thought you'd all have some good ideas for me.

Basically, my parents are ridiculously overprotective and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Me and my mother are barely talking, and when we do talk we're arguing. She seems to want to control every little thing in my life, like who I talk to, what I wear, what I eat, what I look like in general, what kind of music I'm meant to like, the type of boys I'm meant to fancy…

She picks out clothes for me that don't suit me at all, and when I say I don't like them and pick out things I like myself, (which everybody at college seems to like, so they're not disgusting or anything) she goes mad.

I've never been allowed a sleepover, never been to a party. They dislike my friends because they're not 'popular' enough, even though I used to sit with the popular girls and I decided by myself that they weren't the kind of girls I wanted to befriends with, they were bitchy and stuck up. I've been invited to parties and stuff, and I have good social skills and everything so I don't see why they're so overprotective?

I have a job, but I can't walk there on my own because it's 'dangerous.' I'm not allowed to concerts unless I'm with my LITTLE sister (which completely defeats the point of safety,) and aren't doing things that I'd love to be doing because I'm not allowed to go to them.

I've tried to discuss this with my parents, but nothing's been resolved. It's affecting my education right now as I'm so stressed out by it so I want a resolution.

Please help guys (I know I don't know any of you but if you reply THANKYOU so much.)

Annie x


We know how you feel ... just to let you know 'us' kids with 'overprotective' parents haven't found the solution yet :mad:
this sounds like an asian people thread (my parents are like this too and I'm asian)
Ouch, I have a friend who's parents are like that, it sounds awful. Just wait until you're at university and pick one far away :smile:
Reply 7
Avatar for jemi38
jemi38
9
I can relate to every single thing you said. My mum even chose half of my choices on the UCAS application. :frown:
Reply 8
Avatar for Tom78
Tom78
18
Original post by umannie
Ok, hi. I'm Annie and I'm doing my A Levels. I'm really scared to post this (especially online) but I thought you'd all have some good ideas for me.

Basically, my parents are ridiculously overprotective and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Me and my mother are barely talking, and when we do talk we're arguing. She seems to want to control every little thing in my life, like who I talk to, what I wear, what I eat, what I look like in general, what kind of music I'm meant to like, the type of boys I'm meant to fancy…

She picks out clothes for me that don't suit me at all, and when I say I don't like them and pick out things I like myself, (which everybody at college seems to like, so they're not disgusting or anything) she goes mad.

I've never been allowed a sleepover, never been to a party. They dislike my friends because they're not 'popular' enough, even though I used to sit with the popular girls and I decided by myself that they weren't the kind of girls I wanted to befriends with, they were bitchy and stuck up. I've been invited to parties and stuff, and I have good social skills and everything so I don't see why they're so overprotective?

I have a job, but I can't walk there on my own because it's 'dangerous.' I'm not allowed to concerts unless I'm with my LITTLE sister (which completely defeats the point of safety,) and aren't doing things that I'd love to be doing because I'm not allowed to go to them.

I've tried to discuss this with my parents, but nothing's been resolved. It's affecting my education right now as I'm so stressed out by it so I want a resolution.

Please help guys (I know I don't know any of you but if you reply THANKYOU so much.)

Annie x


Going against the trends of the people replying so far.... my parents are completely the opposite and I can do whatever the **** I want.

But srs, maybe there's some emotional reason why they've kept you so close? I think the best course of action would be to sit down and talk with them (in a respectful, open manner) and negotiate with them what you can and can't do, explain to them that whilst you respect their concern about you you're growing up and you need to gain your own independence. See if you can (without forcing) get a reason out of them as to why they are so clingy and take it steady, obviously if they are as you say they're not gonna let you suddenly move out or anything but if you make small steps then I'm sure they'll come around :smile:
That level of control would fall within the definition of emotional abuse if it was happening between spouses.

Best I can suggest is that you go to a uni that's not within commuting distance.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 10
Avatar for 391iady
391iady
13
Original post by Origami Bullets
That level of control would fall within the definition of emotional abuse if it was happening between spouses.

Best I can suggest is that you go to a uni that's not within commuting distance.

Posted from TSR Mobile


but what if its between child and parent?
Original post by 391iady
but what if its between child and parent?


Having googled, the NSPCC does suggest that being too controlling is a sign of emotional abuse http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/online-advice/emotional-abuse/emotional-abuse-a_wda87104.html
Reply 12
Avatar for 391iady
391iady
13
Original post by Origami Bullets
Having googled, the NSPCC does suggest that being too controlling is a sign of emotional abuse http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/online-advice/emotional-abuse/emotional-abuse-a_wda87104.html


how could you solve it then?
Original post by 391iady
how could you solve it then?


Not really my area tbh :dontknow: Though it's essentially a problem whose root lies in the parent, not the child, and so there's really very little / nothing that the child can do in terms of changing their own behaviour to alter that problem. Hence my earlier advice to go to a uni far, far away - which is only 6-18 months away for the OP.
Reply 14
Avatar for Nowshin_A
Nowshin_A
1
Original post by umannie
Ok, hi. I'm Annie and I'm doing my A Levels. I'm really scared to post this (especially online) but I thought you'd all have some good ideas for me.

Basically, my parents are ridiculously overprotective and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Me and my mother are barely talking, and when we do talk we're arguing. She seems to want to control every little thing in my life, like who I talk to, what I wear, what I eat, what I look like in general, what kind of music I'm meant to like, the type of boys I'm meant to fancy…

She picks out clothes for me that don't suit me at all, and when I say I don't like them and pick out things I like myself, (which everybody at college seems to like, so they're not disgusting or anything) she goes mad.

I've never been allowed a sleepover, never been to a party. They dislike my friends because they're not 'popular' enough, even though I used to sit with the popular girls and I decided by myself that they weren't the kind of girls I wanted to befriends with, they were bitchy and stuck up. I've been invited to parties and stuff, and I have good social skills and everything so I don't see why they're so overprotective?

I have a job, but I can't walk there on my own because it's 'dangerous.' I'm not allowed to concerts unless I'm with my LITTLE sister (which completely defeats the point of safety,) and aren't doing things that I'd love to be doing because I'm not allowed to go to them.

I've tried to discuss this with my parents, but nothing's been resolved. It's affecting my education right now as I'm so stressed out by it so I want a resolution.

Please help guys (I know I don't know any of you but if you reply THANKYOU so much.)

Annie x



My parents are a bit like this but not as harsh as yours. It sounds as if they have trust issues (perhaps) with you, maybe you could try finding out why they are over-protective and work from there.
When my parents are being over protective, sometimes I do accept the fact that they care and your parents care too im guessing.
But mainly i just would live they way they want at the moment and move out when you're 18?
Unless, you can talk them round and try to gain their trust.
Good Luck!
u need to confront them..prepare a speech and fire away. Leave the threat "or else i'll leave home"'at the end! :smile:

good luck!
Write down all your feelings, concerns, questions etc in a letter and give it to them. This means you will be able to get everything down and expressed to them. The problem often with sitting and talking is that you can try to make a point and they can take it and run with it and it can quickly turn into a argument and you don't get to say what you need to.

Write a letter and ask them to read through it fully a couple of times before speaking to you about it.
I don't know why everyone is tip toeing round what the issue is here because they are afraid to articulate their thoughts. The issue is that Muslim families treat their children but in particular their daughters like "possessions" of the father and they - the daughters - are simply chattels. This is not only completely contrary to all our western notions of human rights and women's liberation, in extreme cases it is unlawful as well. If you live in a Muslim family this is what you get. Forced marriage to your cousin from Bangladesh is next. There is no point in bleating about it on TSR. Take responsibility for your own life.
Reply 18
Avatar for Nowshin_A
Nowshin_A
1
Original post by Old_Simon
I don't know why everyone is tip toeing round what the issue is here because they are afraid to articulate their thoughts. The issue is that Muslim families treat their children but in particular their daughters like "possessions" of the father and they - the daughters - are simply chattels. This is not only completely contrary to all our western notions of human rights and women's liberation, in extreme cases it is unlawful as well. If you live in a Muslim family this is what you get. Forced marriage to your cousin from Bangladesh is next. There is no point in bleating about it on TSR. Take responsibility for your own life.


Hang on, you can't generalise this stereotypical view of Muslim families to everyone, it's a bit ignorant tbh
I know a LOT of Muslims who aren't traditional
Please consider your opinion again thanks


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Old_Simon
I don't know why everyone is tip toeing round what the issue is here because they are afraid to articulate their thoughts. The issue is that Muslim families treat their children but in particular their daughters like "possessions" of the father and they - the daughters - are simply chattels. This is not only completely contrary to all our western notions of human rights and women's liberation, in extreme cases it is unlawful as well. If you live in a Muslim family this is what you get. Forced marriage to your cousin from Bangladesh is next. There is no point in bleating about it on TSR. Take responsibility for your own life.


No one is tiptoeing around anything, you're making an assumption that the OP is muslim when that hasn't been said at all.

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