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What's missing, why not?
This is a "write it somewhere and feel better" post. Okay so there's a girl. She likes me loads, she finds me attractive, we're amazing friends, I'm completely in love with her, and she probably doesn't realise. But its never going to happen.
I just don't get what's missing. Maybe she just wouldn't feel comfortable going further than being friends, because we've been friends for ages and it would be different.
She indirectly makes it very clear that I'm no more, and never could be more, than that. So how can I possibly hurt a great friendship and throw my love into the equation? It really hurts every single time she accidentally makes it clear, yet again, that she wouldn't even consider me like that. Why not?
I've met far too few girls as amazing as her to even think about forgetting it.
I just don't get what's missing. Maybe she just wouldn't feel comfortable going further than being friends, because we've been friends for ages and it would be different.
She indirectly makes it very clear that I'm no more, and never could be more, than that. So how can I possibly hurt a great friendship and throw my love into the equation? It really hurts every single time she accidentally makes it clear, yet again, that she wouldn't even consider me like that. Why not?
I've met far too few girls as amazing as her to even think about forgetting it.
Nutter
Just live with it and move on - do your best to cement the existing friendship and don't let your feelings allow you both to drift apart. Hang on and be thankful with what you've got, because you'd feel far worse without it. Good luck.
I don't need anonymity, she won't see this.
My chosen actions, Nutter, but I want to know why I couldn't make it work.
Ive had the same problem. LAst 2 times i managed to make it work out (as in going out with very close friends). Usually they dont want to deal with the aftermath of breaking up and losing you as a friend. You just need to persuade them that it will be fine and you will be friends no matter what (easier said than done.)
Sometimes however, your friends just wont see you in that way and the changing perspective of best friend to boyfriend could be too much, they just dont/cant see you in that light. In which case there isn't much you can do...
Sometimes however, your friends just wont see you in that way and the changing perspective of best friend to boyfriend could be too much, they just dont/cant see you in that light. In which case there isn't much you can do...
i used to be in the same sitch but was the girl in it. it was v wierd but over night i suddenly realised that there wasnt actually anything missing, and cudnt think of a reason why id been so hesitant, so me n the guy ended up going out and all worked out well! know i havnt given much insight but im still confused by it!!
Anonymous
This is a "write it somewhere and feel better" post. Okay so there's a girl. She likes me loads, she finds me attractive, we're amazing friends, I'm completely in love with her, and she probably doesn't realise. But its never going to happen.
I just don't get what's missing. Maybe she just wouldn't feel comfortable going further than being friends, because we've been friends for ages and it would be different.
She indirectly makes it very clear that I'm no more, and never could be more, than that. So how can I possibly hurt a great friendship and throw my love into the equation? It really hurts every single time she accidentally makes it clear, yet again, that she wouldn't even consider me like that. Why not?
I've met far too few girls as amazing as her to even think about forgetting it.
I just don't get what's missing. Maybe she just wouldn't feel comfortable going further than being friends, because we've been friends for ages and it would be different.
She indirectly makes it very clear that I'm no more, and never could be more, than that. So how can I possibly hurt a great friendship and throw my love into the equation? It really hurts every single time she accidentally makes it clear, yet again, that she wouldn't even consider me like that. Why not?
I've met far too few girls as amazing as her to even think about forgetting it.
I noticed.
Meet other people!
cairo
How pedantic.
That's not being pedantic. He's speaking the truth. If she were perfect, she would reciprocate.
Profesh
Clearly, she isn't; because she doesn't love you.
And perfection can't be elusive?
Profesh
Elusive, yes; unattainable, no. (Assuming that we construe 'perfection' in its subjective, as opposed to Platonic, sense.)
To satisfy you Profesh: she isn't perfect. Everything apart from that is, however, as good as I could conceive. You don't dismiss people because they don't love you. If everyone did that, there'd be no relationships.
cairo
To satisfy you Profesh: she isn't perfect. Everything apart from that is, however, as good as I could conceive. You don't dismiss people because they don't love you. If everyone did that, there'd be no relationships.
*******s. OK, not all relationsips start with both parties falling in love at first sight, but there's a time when you should just give up. She made it perfectly clear nothing will ever happen, so it won't. If she said something might happen, or if she ddn't say anything on the matter at all, it is conceivable that you could both fall in love, but a one-sided love is a doomed one.
cairo
To satisfy you Profesh: she isn't perfect. Everything apart from that is, however, as good as I could conceive. You don't dismiss people because they don't love you. If everyone did that, there'd be no relationships.
I shall admit that I was being somewhat hyperbolic. Nevertheless, speaking as one who has suffered the exact same predicament, my point remains: if she (literally) cannot find it in her to reciprocate then she might as well be Diana, Eurydice, Joan of Arc, Catherine de Medici or a Catholic nun; for all the good it will serve you in the long-run.
Profesh
I shall admit that I was being somewhat hyperbolic. Nevertheless, speaking as one who has suffered the exact same predicament, my point remains: if she (literally) cannot find it in her to reciprocate then she might as well be Diana, Eurydice, Joan of Arc, Catherine de Medici or a Catholic nun; for all the good it will serve you in the long-run.
And that's very good advice. Thank you.
It's hard...
Reminds me a bit of the situation when I got together with my ex. We were good friends, but I wanted more, and at first he had to tell me he just wanted to be friends. Then about six weeks later, he asked me out.
But when he broke up with me, a few months later, saying "it just doesn't feel right" I wondered if perhaps I'd somehow pushed him into going out with me, which is why it hadn't worked.
All I can say is, DON'T push it, because you could end up losing her as a friend. Or even if she did change her mind, you could end up in the same situation as me - wondering if she ever really cared about you that much in the first place.
Who knows. Perhaps my ex did just have a change of heart and realise he really liked me, back then. And perhaps this girl will, with you. But I wonder...
(Sorry for going on about myself a bit, it was not my original intention)
Reminds me a bit of the situation when I got together with my ex. We were good friends, but I wanted more, and at first he had to tell me he just wanted to be friends. Then about six weeks later, he asked me out.
But when he broke up with me, a few months later, saying "it just doesn't feel right" I wondered if perhaps I'd somehow pushed him into going out with me, which is why it hadn't worked.
All I can say is, DON'T push it, because you could end up losing her as a friend. Or even if she did change her mind, you could end up in the same situation as me - wondering if she ever really cared about you that much in the first place.
Who knows. Perhaps my ex did just have a change of heart and realise he really liked me, back then. And perhaps this girl will, with you. But I wonder...
(Sorry for going on about myself a bit, it was not my original intention)
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