Someone who is less emotional and more wise help me interpret this please Watch

Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Okay so this is going to be a bit crazy and confusing, but I really do need all the help and advice I can get, because I just can't seem to get my head around it!

Me and this girl have known each other for a while now, we speak to each other every day, we literally go out with each other all the time. We are really close to each other and yes, I do love her and I know that she love's me, so all is good so far.
However, we are not gf and bf because we both believe that "going out" is just a status and really doesn't mean anything, it just kind of draws attention to yourself. We still do all the things a couple would do, I mean, we had a great valentines day together, but "going out" is just a status.

One day not so long ago, we were in bed together (it's not going to sound that awkward from now on) and we were literally saying everything that we felt. We were talking about the future and what will happen when we both part ways to go to different uni's
I told her that I would love to keep in contact with her, and she said the same, but I said I would happily come and visit her at the end of every semester or what not, because I really would hate to see her go from my life.
Now this is the part I have a problem with...
She told me that she is unsure about the future between us and said that we will probably never see or speak to each other again when uni starts. So I told her that that seems like the obvious case, but if both people want it that bad or really do care about each other that bad then they would make the effort to try and keep that person in their life. Don't you guys think that is true?

So to conclude, I need help with how to interpret that, we haven't fallen out over anything and she said that to me at the time when everything was so perfect between us. It has really made me sad inside because I thought that we would both be willing to make the effort to keep in contact but it seems like she doesn't even want to try!

Can anyone help me please? I really don't know what she is trying to get across, but it seems to me that after this year, it will be the end for the both of us

Sorry for the awfully long message, but i needed to get it off my chest

Thank you guys
0
reply
sugar-n-spice
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
Have you actually done anything sexual?
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#3
(Original post by sugar-n-spice)
Have you actually done anything sexual?
With her specifically or in general?
0
reply
jay2013
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
Honestly, it sounds like she wants to go and experience university life with complete freedom without being tied down to you.
0
reply
Andy98
  • Study Helper
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#5
Report 5 years ago
#5
(Original post by Arturo09)
With her specifically or in general?
with her
0
reply
sugar-n-spice
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
(Original post by Arturo09)
With her specifically or in general?
:nothing:

with her obviously


christ me boi
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#7
(Original post by jay2013)
Honestly, it sounds like she wants to go and experience university life with complete freedom without being tied down to you.
That's what I thought, but the strange thing is that I try to give her a break, it's not like I am there on her shoulder 24/7, I specifically tell her that we both need to talk less or see each other less etc. So it just seems a little confusing to me.
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#8
(Original post by sugar-n-spice)
:nothing:

with her obviously


christ me boi
Sorry aha, and no!

she is not into it and to be perfectly honest neither am I!

why do you say that? do you think that could be an issue?
0
reply
Yaboy MK30
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#9
Report 5 years ago
#9
She wants the D
0
reply
sugar-n-spice
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#10
Report 5 years ago
#10
(Original post by Arturo09)
Sorry aha, and no!

she is not into it and to be perfectly honest neither am I!

why do you say that? do you think that could be an issue?
duuuuuude


unless you turned her down or something

next level friendzone
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#11
(Original post by sugar-n-spice)
duuuuuude


unless you turned her down or something

next level friendzone
Not at all! I haven't said or done anything to her to make her feel that way :O

And it cant be friendzone because we both feel the same way about each other! So yeah, this is a crazy situation that I would like resolved by someone a lot wiser than me

What I do know is that the female mind is a crazy thing...
0
reply
Jebedee
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#12
Report 5 years ago
#12
You wanted casual, and part of that is being able to just split up at a moment's notice if one wishes. She wants to be single in uni and it's understandable. Sounds like you want to be the one who is casual rather than her
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#13
(Original post by Jebedee)
You wanted casual, and part of that is being able to just split up at a moment's notice if one wishes. She wants to be single in uni and it's understandable. Sounds like you want to be the one who is casual rather than her
I guess you have a fair point there...
Yes, I know it's understandable, i'm not having a go at her or saying no to what she wants, but I just thought it seemed really REALLY strange seeing as everything has been going great between us :O

Maybe aha :rolleyes: but I don't know if it could just be "girl problems"
0
reply
Orthonym
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#14
Report 5 years ago
#14
(Original post by Arturo09)
That's what I thought, but the strange thing is that I try to give her a break, it's not like I am there on her shoulder 24/7, I specifically tell her that we both need to talk less or see each other less etc. So it just seems a little confusing to me.
Even if you give her a lot of space when she's at uni, she would feel bad if she started to like a guy at uni. If she felt like she wanted to flirt (even if it's just with a friend and she doesn't like him romantically) she would feel restricted, as if you wouldn't like her to do that, it would make her feel uncomfortable and wonder what she should do. She wants freedom at uni, which is what you should want too. I'm sure you and her are very happy together, but unless you are sure you want to stay with her for life, there is really no point staying together whilst you both go your different ways. She wants to experience things, and having a significant other (doesn't matter if you call it "going out" or not) makes you view the world in a different way and changes the way you act. For example, if you are in a happy relationship that can make you feel content, and you have less motivation to make new friends.

If you ask her why she wants to go separate ways from you, she might not be able to put it into words, it's just a feeling to her, that it would be better that way.
1
reply
Jebedee
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#15
Report 5 years ago
#15
(Original post by Arturo09)
I guess you have a fair point there...
Yes, I know it's understandable, i'm not having a go at her or saying no to what she wants, but I just thought it seemed really REALLY strange seeing as everything has been going great between us :O

Maybe aha :rolleyes: but I don't know if it could just be "girl problems"
Well if you want exclusivity you need a relationship, otherwise you have absolutely no say if she gets blasted by some other dude at fresher's week. Would it bother you?
0
reply
JaiiStarh
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#16
Report 5 years ago
#16
You've been friend zoned

It sounds like she's just been using you for company but she probably enjoys spending time with you. When she goes to Uni she wants to live the proper single, student lifestyle. At least she's been honest with you about that.
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#17
(Original post by Orthonym)
Even if you give her a lot of space when she's at uni, she would feel bad if she started to like a guy at uni. If she felt like she wanted to flirt (even if it's just with a friend and she doesn't like him romantically) she would feel restricted, as if you wouldn't like her to do that, it would make her feel uncomfortable and wonder what she should do. She wants freedom at uni, which is what you should want too. I'm sure you and her are very happy together, but unless you are sure you want to stay with her for life, there is really no point staying together whilst you both go your different ways. She wants to experience things, and having a significant other (doesn't matter if you call it "going out" or not) makes you view the world in a different way and changes the way you act. For example, if you are in a happy relationship that can make you feel content, and you have less motivation to make new friends.

If you ask her why she wants to go separate ways from you, she might not be able to put it into words, it's just a feeling to her, that it would be better that way.
I'm pretty sure you have summed it up there.

I just really didn't know what she meant, or how to interpret it, but I guess now I do, and yeah you are right, we will BOTH have to move on, sad but that's life I guess.

Thank you ever so much

Btw, that answer seemed like it had a lot of "experience" behind it
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#18
(Original post by JaiiStarh)
You've been friend zoned

It sounds like she's just been using you for company but she probably enjoys spending time with you. When she goes to Uni she wants to live the proper single, student lifestyle. At least she's been honest with you about that.
I highly doubt that but then again that is what every single person in my situation would say, so the little bit of reality in me is saying that you could also most definitely could be true...

I must just be a real sucker then.... and fell into the trap that most of us guys try to avoid

I'm nit saying that you are totally correct, but yes, you also do have a very valid point
0
reply
Arturo09
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#19
(Original post by Jebedee)
Well if you want exclusivity you need a relationship, otherwise you have absolutely no say if she gets blasted by some other dude at fresher's week. Would it bother you?
Very true....

Why can I not seem to figure out these things for myself? :confused:
0
reply
McFlury
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#20
Report 5 years ago
#20
I think that although she genuinely does care about you and wants to keep in contact, she realises the reality that if you both settle in at different uni and gain new groups of friends you just will not see each other much, even if you want to. That's what happened in my case, sad but true.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Would you turn to a teacher if you were being bullied?

Yes (10)
21.74%
No (36)
78.26%

Watched Threads

View All