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18 year old Male, still a virgin Watch

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    Im 18, a male, reasonably good looking, a nice guy, yet still a virgin. How? I really dont know, if it is not because I have never had a girlfriend, is it because I am too much of a "nice guy"?

    Anyway it has come to depress me now, after discovering tonight that my friend who does not work, is not amazing looking, has no qualifications and lives off his mum had sex with a 32 year old, it does makes me feel hopeless. I have a friend who works in a coffee shop, he was having a fling with a 30 year old mother of three in which he brought evidence to my frontdoor, it is stuff like this which makes me look in the mirror and feel pathetic, everybody I know thinks im not a virgin due to my confidence and decent looks, yet it is the total opposite. The closest I got was when I was 17 and made out with a girl abroad with my mates, due to not having a condom the night was over fast, the sight of a bare penis caused her to conjur up about the only word she spoke in English, which was, "disgusting".

    There has been two occasions where sex seemed inevitable, but there has always been something to get in the way. The first time I was pulled into a bedroom at a house party by a good looking girl, she found out I was a boxer and tried kissing me, groping me and then layed on the bed, but my loyalty to my bestfriend who passed out hours before meant I did not proceed, he had deep feelings for her at the time. On the second occasion I was visiting my future University, and me and some friends went clubbing. Two sisters (one 19 and one 26 + engaged) found out I was a boxer, and started putting hands up my shirt etc, they made it very clear they wanted me to come back to their house and I was confident this was the moment I would go from pathetic and weak boy into a man, but my ******* friend saved the day by scaring them off and trying to kiss them before we exchanged numbers, you are correct in thinking I had a go at him in the middle of the club. When I am out I get excited by the smallest interaction with females, a 26 year old aquaintance asked to dance with me recently when out, I would not have had sex with this particular girl but the feeling that she thought I was attractive enough to grind on made me feel good.

    As I mentioned before, everyone assumes I am not a virgin because I seem to fit the bill as one of the guys who would have lost it early to a girlfriend, I am decent looking, confident yet humble and nice, an athlete with a good body among other positive things. I am by no means perfect, I have braces lol around socially confident people I can be awkward, I also get intimidated by people who have had sex due to feeling like they are more of a "adult" therefore "man" than me. I would be lying if I said a PART of the reason I am going to University is to discover myself better socially, sexually etc and I am really looking forward to it and hope it will help me.

    Are there any other 18+ virgins here? would you consider yourself decent looking? do you think we are a minority?

    I ask these questions because my friends who do know im a virgin always say I am late....

    Thanks everyone, hope this sparks an intereting debate.
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    Interesting debate will = "why the heck did you bother to make this thread" vs "because I'm a bored virgin that wants to feel better about a non existant problem".

    Winner of the debate = noone.
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    Why are you bothered? There's no 'mandatory age' you have to have had sex by.

    Just try and enjoy your life and if sex happens then that's lovely
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    (Original post by EarthlingyThingy)
    Interesting debate will = "why the heck did you bother to make this thread" vs "because I'm a bored virgin that wants to feel better about a non existant problem".

    Winner of the debate = noone.

    Hi, thanks for the reply. I feel this is something I would like to speak to people about and gather other opinions, gaining insight from others on such a private subject would give me better perspective and hopefully a better frame of mind. Can you appreciate that? i'm not bored, but definitely concerned by it.
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    (Original post by Mimir)
    Why are you bothered? There's no 'mandatory age' you have to have had sex by.

    Just try and enjoy your life and if sex happens then that's lovely
    Thanks for the reply, I would say I am bothered by it because we live in a hyper-sexualised society, and as I said I am the only one in my social circle who is a virgin still. It is something I would like to experience by now, I think there would be nothing but positives to gain from it, I understand what you are saying and some people can live like that however I personally feel like it is overdue for me, if that makes sense.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, thanks for the reply. I feel this is something I would like to speak to people about and gather other opinions, gaining insight from others on such a private subject would give me better perspective and hopefully a better frame of mind. Can you appreciate that? i'm not bored, but definitely concerned by it.
    Life is to short and hard to be concerned about social convention. Live happily and define your success in living happily, by how little you care about what other people think of you / what you do.

    It's as simple as that.

    These threads are so numerous, that people are often annoyed by them. Because they're so utterly, utterly pointless.

    You don't need our insight. You need to get a a grip.
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    I am the same age, also a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I am not particularly worried because I have never really felt ready or wanted a relationship yet, however I do feel like if I had some kind of experience with girls I would be a more confident person.

    I am not so sure if we are in the minority or not because most people do exaggerate somewhat, but I have never done that myself. If asked, I tell them the truth, I am not ashamed.
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    Man if you guys want some serious advice, get laid as soon as you can, (but don't rush it and use condoms).

    Make sure you guys keep it as a ONS as well, otherwise you'll catch feelings as it'll be the only pussy that accepted you and you'll be misguided

    this will also prevent any bad thoughts in a long term relationship, especially if your future partner isnt a virgin

    i kept this short but just go get laid boys

    confidence confidence confidence trust me I'm not the best lookin guy and my girl's a dime lmao ight pce out gud luk
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    I'm 18 and also a virgin so I know what you mean. Personally I've had less opportunities but more or less I think we're on the same wavelength.

    It isn't a big deal as a whole as we're both still young but as you said, society and the people around us makes the situation feel worse - we feel like we need to fit in with everyone else, it wouldn't be a problem that we're virgins if our friends were too right?

    Well imo the best answer to the problem is to ignore your friends who, if they're anything like mine, like to show off with their lovey dovey relationships and concentrate on yourself. Do what you have to do, better yourself as a person; you say you're decent looking, athletic. Great, you also say that you're socially awkward etc, do things to change that and you'll naturally attract girls. I know the cases you brought up were interrupted by externalities like no condom and your friend but in all honesty you have to take responsibility for them, if you were better prepared you may have already have done the deed, am I right?

    Look, I'm not trying to bring you down or lay into you with my own frustrations, believe me, I'm not perfect. Far from it, but I hope my advice helps you to better yourself - stop looking at everyone else and focus on your own development - do the things you want to do to make you happy and things WILL fall into place.

    Now... Only if I can take my own advice lol.


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    (Original post by EarthlingyThingy)
    Life is to short and hard to be concerned about social convention. Live happily and define your success in living happily, by how little you care about what other people think of you / what you do.

    It's as simple as that.

    These threads are so numerous, that people are often annoyed by them. Because they're so utterly, utterly pointless.

    You don't need our insight. You need to get a a grip.
    But you cant tell somebody how to live happily, it's subjective and for the vast majority of people sex is considered an important part of life, ultimately our sole purpose of existance is sex, as im sure you know. For many people it is vital to living happily and overall well-being, hense its importance in relationships such as married couples.

    The same rehashed lines advising living life without giving a damn what people think about you annoy me, because you cant expect that of everybody, some people are not as thick skinned and use confidence to compensate for their insecuritites, such as myself. I was bullied badly because of my looks for roughly 5 years, from about the ages of 5-10, it has mentally scarred me terribly. It takes me atleast 45 minutes to get ready to leave the house and I only made the connection between the two a few years ago.

    So stuff like this bothers me, and you cant deny the society we live in which promotes sexual behaviour at such a young age. Everything we do revolve's around having sex, and if you are a young male such as myself many conversations do too. When you believe you are a part of a minority and you dont want to be, it bothers you, especially when you have been bullied for it before.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But you cant tell somebody how to live happily, it's subjective and for the vast majority of people sex is considered an important part of life, ultimately our sole purpose of existance is sex, as im sure you know. For many people it is vital to living happily and overall well-being, hense its importance in relationships such as married couples.

    The same rehashed lines advising living life without giving a damn what people think about you annoy me, because you cant expect that of everybody, some people are not as thick skinned and use confidence to compensate for their insecuritites, such as myself. I was bullied badly because of my looks for roughly 5 years, from about the ages of 5-10, it has mentally scarred me terribly. It takes me atleast 45 minutes to get ready to leave the house and I only made the connection between the two a few years ago.

    So stuff like this bothers me, and you cant deny the society we live in which promotes sexual behaviour at such a young age. Everything we do revolve's around having sex, and if you are a young male such as myself many conversations do too. When you believe you are a part of a minority and you dont want to be, it bothers you, especially when you have been bullied for it before.
    ...I OK OK. I apologise for my off-the cuff reply. Truth is, most of us are dealing with much the same problems as yourself. Truth again is, what I wrote above is an abject truth in that, really, it's all that should matter. I understand that it isn't (in reality) wholly useful. And so I apologise for my partly if not wholly useless reply.

    Now, if happiness is subjective, you ought to ask yourself "why am I so concerned / interested in my still being a virgin and am I overly concerned about the fact that I am 18 and still so". Etc. Because the universal truth IS that you can choose to be happy.

    You are not part of a minority, certainly (at least) you wouldn't be part of a small majority! Certainly not.
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    (Original post by Study_Guru)
    I'm 18 and also a virgin so I know what you mean. Personally I've had less opportunities but more or less I think we're on the same wavelength.

    It isn't a big deal as a whole as we're both still young but as you said, society and the people around us makes the situation feel worse - we feel like we need to fit in with everyone else, it wouldn't be a problem that we're virgins if our friends were too right?

    Well imo the best answer to the problem is to ignore your friends who, if they're anything like mine, like to show off with their lovey dovey relationships and concentrate on yourself. Do what you have to do, better yourself as a person; you say you're decent looking, athletic. Great, you also say that you're socially awkward etc, do things to change that and you'll naturally attract girls. I know the cases you brought up were interrupted by externalities like no condom and your friend but in all honesty you have to take responsibility for them, if you were better prepared you may have already have done the deed, am I right?

    Look, I'm not trying to bring you down or lay into you with my own frustrations, believe me, I'm not perfect. Far from it, but I hope my advice helps you to better yourself - stop looking at everyone else and focus on your own development - do the things you want to do to make you happy and things WILL fall into place.

    Now... Only if I can take my own advice lol.


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    Thank you so much that was a great reponse and not focusing on others is definitely something I will note.

    Some people dont understand the social pressure to have sex, do drugs etc within our generation, it would have been similar for older people however I think the pressure has increased tremendously with social media, the internet etc. I wish people would understand rather than slate me, you undertood and I thank you for that. I will take your advice on board, good luck to you too, I wish you profound happiness
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    (Original post by EarthlingyThingy)
    Now, if happiness is subjective, you ought to ask yourself "why am I so concerned / interested in my still being a virgin and am I overly concerned about the fact that I am 18 and still so". Etc. Because the universal truth IS that you can choose to be happy.
    .

    I agree with this, I am happy the way I am, hence I have not tried to look for a relationship or sex. The only problem I have from this is that when I do want one, I will have zero experience which will make it harder for me.
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    (Original post by EarthlingyThingy)
    ...I OK OK. I apologise for my off-the cuff reply. Truth is, most of us are dealing with much the same problems as yourself. Truth again is, what I wrote above is an abject truth in that, really, it's all that should matter. I understand that it isn't (in reality) wholly useful. And so I apologise for my partly if not wholly useless reply.

    Now, if happiness is subjective, you ought to ask yourself "why am I so concerned / interested in my still being a virgin and am I overly concerned about the fact that I am 18 and still so". Etc. Because the universal truth IS that you can choose to be happy.

    You are not part of a minority, certainly (at least) you wouldn't be part of a small majority! Certainly not.
    Thank you, I appreciate the reconsideration. When asking myself the questions you posed, the answer boiled down to simply wanting to have sex.

    And I think that is understandable, I am 18 and I am saturated by sexual content via the media, internet etc. I am around it constantly, I am reaching the age of physical maturity and particular urges are prominant. I want to do it, although I do feel social pressure I think naturally I am at the point where my body is ready, and doing it is what would make me happy and allow me to develop as a person.

    Whilst writing this I wondered, are you perhaps a female? If so, without sounding rude I think its interesting to ponder whether or not you truely understand? stereotypically men are supposed to have the stronger desire to constantly have sex, from an uneducated perspective i've gathered it is easier for women to go without actual intercourse for longer periods of time than men, hense the emphasis being on hyper-sexualising women rather than men etc. I dont mean to disrespect you if you are a women, to some degree you would understand, but certainly there would be differences in how we are biologically programmed.
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    (Original post by McFlury)
    I agree with this, I am happy the way I am, hence I have not tried to look for a relationship or sex. The only problem I have from this is that when I do want one, I will have zero experience which will make it harder for me.
    Im glad to read this and happy for you, infact I may be slightly envious, complete happiness in one's self is a desirable attribute. I hope you continue to live happily
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im glad to read this and happy for you, infact I may be slightly envious, complete happiness in one's self is a desirable attribute. I hope you continue to live happily
    cheers pal, don't be envious though, I'm not THAT happy, just content haha. Also, although I am confident in myself, I am not confident on the outside if that makes sense, I'm hoping it comes with age like we're told.
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    (Original post by Royboy)
    Ha Ha

    (sorry, just thought I wud post a realistic reply rather than the bull **** everyone else has spouted)
    you must have be anonymous 2?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im glad to read this and happy for you, infact I may be slightly envious, complete happiness in one's self is a desirable attribute. I hope you continue to live happily
    I know that you feel being 'pressured' to jump on the bandwagon and you think you are outcast when people around you had sexual intimacy experience before. Our generation is bombarded with strong influence of social media and peer pressure. But I hope that you can get through this. Do not simply rush to have ONS/sexual intercourse for the sake of experiencing. Don't simply make out with a girl just because she's willing to have sex with you.

    Do it when you think you are mentally and 'sexually' ready. 'Sexually ready'? LOL, I know it sounds a bit weird. My bottom line is you only do it when you feel it's right. It can be when you're 20 , 25 or even 27. Age shouldn't be the main consideration. You gotta tell your friends 'a good-looking and nice guy is not going to give in easily to gals'. Only certain gals deserve you, certainly not ALL.
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    I too am 18 and still a virgin, wouldnt say im the best of looking guys but im not that bad, very sporty, quite built and im a good height so i have that going for me.. Without sounding like a **** here id class my self as quite a popular guy and like in your case 90% of my mates have had sex.. I can speak to girls no problem as im a very confident guy and i do have a lot of girl mates, i think when the time's right it will happen, no point looking back at the things that could have happened but didnt as that will only make you more down. My advice would be to stop worrying what other people think, i know i dont care. Just do whats best for you, so to answer the question does it bother you, my answer would be no not at all
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much that was a great reponse and not focusing on others is definitely something I will note.

    Some people dont understand the social pressure to have sex, do drugs etc within our generation, it would have been similar for older people however I think the pressure has increased tremendously with social media, the internet etc. I wish people would understand rather than slate me, you undertood and I thank you for that. I will take your advice on board, good luck to you too, I wish you profound happiness
    No problem man happy to help! Wish all the best in the future too
 
 
 
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