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Friend has decided he 'loves' me...I'm quite scared
I went out last night with one of my friends and halfway through the evening, after a few drinks, he took me to one side and started telling me how he was 'in love' with me, thought my boyfriend wasn't right for me, blah blah blah.
He's got a bit of a history of being like this and I know it wasn't just drunken thing...
Am I justified in being really, really angry at him for doing this? I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he knows this. The way he did it was excruciatingly embarrassing and has made me feel really awkward - the guy is two years older than me at 22 and he was crying and being totally OTT...It actually frightened me a bit, to the extent that I definitely don't want to see him for a long while, if at all. How do I do it? Do I tell him I feel like that, or just avoid contact (he keeps texting me)...I'm confused
He's got a bit of a history of being like this and I know it wasn't just drunken thing...
Am I justified in being really, really angry at him for doing this? I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he knows this. The way he did it was excruciatingly embarrassing and has made me feel really awkward - the guy is two years older than me at 22 and he was crying and being totally OTT...It actually frightened me a bit, to the extent that I definitely don't want to see him for a long while, if at all. How do I do it? Do I tell him I feel like that, or just avoid contact (he keeps texting me)...I'm confused
He was drunk. He probably does like you and doesn't know how to handle the fact you don't like him but the alcohol adds to it and it all messed up</horrible horrible personal experience I don't want to get into>
Well he really needs to let go and realise you have a boyfriend, you could tell him that you don't mind being friends but it can't be anymore and if he does not like it then just don't hang around with him in future.
If he took you to one side just to tell you this, then surely it can't be that embarrassing. At least he gave you that respect which you should appreciate and realise. You have every right to feel unsettled about this but just bring this up with him. I personally don't see the need for you to flare up at hime and make a mountain of a molehill. It was very inconsiderate for him to say that though.
Sithius
You done the deed with him?
Nope. Not led him on in the slightest, I'm not like that.
As for it not being embarrassing...He was practically wailing. I find that embarrassing. The thing is I'm all for not making a mountain out of a molehill (I've been here before with another guy friend and it was all cool in the end) but even this morning he just won't let it drop.
He probably just likes you, i'm sure if you tell him that nothing can happen he'll eventually realise and get over it. At least he had the decency to pull you over to one side. Plus he was drunk too so he can't really be held accountable for his actions - as for the crying, you can probably blame the drink for that too lol.
While cutting contact it entirely your decision, and completely understandable, I don't think you're justified in being angry. If someone has pent up feelings for you in that way they're bound to come out emotionally, and however embarrassing it was for you, I'd imagine it's a lot harder for him. be firm with him, tell him you don't feel the same and cut all contact with him if you feel it's needed, but there's no reason to be angry at him.
In a situation like this, you need to be frank with him straight away. Talk and explain that nothing can happen and that if he continues to behave this way, it'll put your friendship at risk as it makes you heavily uncomfortable. Bear in mind he was drunk when he made this little confession. I doubt he'll be like that when sober.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Well its a good thing that you didn't decide that you wanted to be with him too.. Feel proud that you stuck by your boyfriend and resisted temptation. Tell him you don't have trust for him and that he should seriously think about finding a girl truthfully, when he isnt totally plastered.
Its not your fault you don't feel the same way, and its nothing to feel embarassed about.
Its not your fault you don't feel the same way, and its nothing to feel embarassed about.
I kno how he feels tho, i think this girl that i work with is PERFECT, and i think that we should be together as we get along really well, and my mate once said its a shame she has a bf as i think ud have a good chance with her. i sumtimes think she fancies me, and she seems almost embarrassed of her bf (of at most 2 years) she sumtimes jokes saying she cant get rid of him etc, and when i see them together they dont seem like a couple. Her best mate even said that their relationship is wierd. I really want to tell her but as i work with her its way too risky. Sometimes it feels like on a drunken night out its the best way to let feelings get the best of u... lol im not planning on doing anything btw.
Anonymous
I went out last night with one of my friends and halfway through the evening, after a few drinks, he took me to one side and started telling me how he was 'in love' with me, thought my boyfriend wasn't right for me, blah blah blah.
He's got a bit of a history of being like this and I know it wasn't just drunken thing...
Am I justified in being really, really angry at him for doing this? I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he knows this. The way he did it was excruciatingly embarrassing and has made me feel really awkward - the guy is two years older than me at 22 and he was crying and being totally OTT...It actually frightened me a bit, to the extent that I definitely don't want to see him for a long while, if at all. How do I do it? Do I tell him I feel like that, or just avoid contact (he keeps texting me)...I'm confused
He's got a bit of a history of being like this and I know it wasn't just drunken thing...
Am I justified in being really, really angry at him for doing this? I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he knows this. The way he did it was excruciatingly embarrassing and has made me feel really awkward - the guy is two years older than me at 22 and he was crying and being totally OTT...It actually frightened me a bit, to the extent that I definitely don't want to see him for a long while, if at all. How do I do it? Do I tell him I feel like that, or just avoid contact (he keeps texting me)...I'm confused
I think guys like this really need to get a grip. If a girl has got a bf she's not available...that is all.
Yes, you are right to be angry with him. He put you in an uncomfortable and awkward situation and should have apologised by now. You already said he has a history of being like this. He's being selfish and making it difficult, 'cos you're evidently not the kind of girl who leads guys on and gets a kick out of them declaring undying love for her, then laughing at them, or whatever.
I mean, don't get I'm wrong, I'm not saying "Kick 'im" or anything stupid like that, sorry if it came across that way, but I have been in a similar situation and it annoyed me because I couldn't talk to him or anything because I was worried he was looking at me in that way, or storing any info up to make a move.
Were/are you good friends? Have you talked to him about it and said that it's making you uncomfortable and you're not used to it, not interested and you don't want to lose him as a friend?
That's if this is serious, if he was just a wee bitty pished and declaring love randomly, as you do when you get that rosy, happy drunken feeling, then you can just take the piss and laugh about it together.
I mean, don't get I'm wrong, I'm not saying "Kick 'im" or anything stupid like that, sorry if it came across that way, but I have been in a similar situation and it annoyed me because I couldn't talk to him or anything because I was worried he was looking at me in that way, or storing any info up to make a move.
Were/are you good friends? Have you talked to him about it and said that it's making you uncomfortable and you're not used to it, not interested and you don't want to lose him as a friend?
That's if this is serious, if he was just a wee bitty pished and declaring love randomly, as you do when you get that rosy, happy drunken feeling, then you can just take the piss and laugh about it together.
Drogue
While cutting contact it entirely your decision, and completely understandable, I don't think you're justified in being angry. If someone has pent up feelings for you in that way they're bound to come out emotionally, and however embarrassing it was for you, I'd imagine it's a lot harder for him. be firm with him, tell him you don't feel the same and cut all contact with him if you feel it's needed, but there's no reason to be angry at him.
Fair point, I'm more peed off at the way he told me than anything - criticising my boyfriend and our relationship was totally unneccessary (particularly cause I'm not like the guy who posted ^^ up there ^^, I don't go on about it but I'm really happy with my boyfriend). But yeah, I see what you're saying.
clyn
Were/are you good friends? Have you talked to him about it and said that it's making you uncomfortable and you're not used to it, not interested and you don't want to lose him as a friend?
That's if this is serious, if he was just a wee bitty pished and declaring love randomly, as you do when you get that rosy, happy drunken feeling, then you can just take the piss and laugh about it together.
That's if this is serious, if he was just a wee bitty pished and declaring love randomly, as you do when you get that rosy, happy drunken feeling, then you can just take the piss and laugh about it together.
Yeah, fairly good friends. It was definitely serious, I know him well enough to know when he means something and he wasn't -that- drunk, plus he's hinted at it before...
I've said all that and he's pretty unapologetic, I'm really feeling like I don't want to remain friends at the moment cause it's so awkward. I'm just not sure how to go about implementing that...I think I'm a pretty good judge of character usually but I felt kind of threatened last night.
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