Too Nice

I think that most girls like to have some control.. And when girls argue or make arguments, (especially me) they like to kind of believe that they have a point to make - and they like to be fought against, so that they can stand their ground and convince you that things aren't right or whatever.

Its far better to have an argument where two of you believe two different things but then come together with some kind of agreement. Although its nice sometimes for a boy to say you're right, of course. Most of the time, its nice for the girl to have to 'win' the boy over, or even not 'win' the argument at all.

Its not a bad thing to be too nice.. it just means you are caring and comforting and understanding.. But girls enjoy mystery and having to work lads out. When everything is laid out on a plate, things become too perfect, and there is nothing left to work on or correct.

Don't change. Just try to respect that imperfections are normal and okay.

Reply 2

high priestess fnord

9

this has been discussed before. theres a difference between "nice" and "doormat". tbh you sound like the latter.

Reply 3

OP

We have discussions about things, but i dont see them as arguments, im the kind of person whos going to raise my voice to put my opinion across. The thing is though we agreed on most things. Im not going to cause a disagreement by arguing a side that i dont believe in.

Reply 4

You don't have to argue a side that you don't believe in. Just tell them that you have a feminine way of thinking.. because most lads i know tend to think totally opposite to me.. So perhaps you just are very understanding and very aware.. so there is nothing wrong with letting them know that.

Reply 5

OP

Sorry that is meant to say im not going to rasie my voice.

I do say that, i was brought up with quite 'old' values. Like opening doors for them, carrying there stuff. But at the same time people say im a bit of a lads lad, with sport and a few drinks down the pub. So its not like im a walk over or anything like that. Im just confused :confused:

Reply 6

NViasko

Girls look to guys for security. You need to be strong and supportive helping them when they need it, but you must also have a sweet side.

Reply 7

Lol yer i bet you are. Just carry on how you are.. Meet new people with new views. I guess people only assume that the fact you open doors etc is wrong because they are used to a society where the main men we hear about beat women up or rape etc.

I'm not saying you aren't normal, but sometimes when people are introduced to new things they don't know how to deal with it so tend to stick to the way they know best (the men that aren't very giving and loving).

Reply 8

NViasko

amywalters

Lol yer i bet you are. Just carry on how you are.. Meet new people with new views. I guess people only assume that the fact you open doors etc is wrong because they are used to a society where the main men we hear about beat women up or rape etc.

I'm not saying you aren't normal, but sometimes when people are introduced to new things they don't know how to deal with it so tend to stick to the way they know best (the men that aren't very giving and loving).

Hello.

Reply 9

OP

amywalters

Lol yer i bet you are. Just carry on how you are.. Meet new people with new views. I guess people only assume that the fact you open doors etc is wrong because they are used to a society where the main men we hear about beat women up or rape etc.

I'm not saying you aren't normal, but sometimes when people are introduced to new things they don't know how to deal with it so tend to stick to the way they know best (the men that aren't very giving and loving).

Do you think that being the age i am (18) some people are not used to the way i am. I have often been told that i will make a good husband lol, i guess thats a good thing

Reply 10

Yes. Perhaps they expect a normal 18 year old to be ranting and raving and not willing to do anything for anyone. Its strange.. because my boyfriend can be like a typical jack the lad. But as a girl, i've tried to change him so he is more independant to do his own things etc..

So its confusing, dont know why us girls like to help the ones that can't fend for themselves, but totally forget there are blokes out there that know their ways already. Which sums you up, i think. I wouldn't say it was anything to do with you, just the way girls are and their nature to nurture :smile:

Reply 11

OP

Thanks Amy, its very reassuring to hear that :smile:

Appreciate it

Reply 12

poltroon

Anonymous

I have often been told that i will make a good husband lol, i guess thats a good thing

You guess incorrectly. That is a joke (albeit one with a serious point) which you should take as a strong indication that you are caring, helpful and useful to the point of caricature. Maybe you need to be a bit more selfish and carefree; be more assertive and argumentative. At present, you are tied to a negative stereotype. Release yourself from this and you shall go far.

Reply 13

petri dish

amywalters

Lol yer i bet you are. Just carry on how you are.. Meet new people with new views. I guess people only assume that the fact you open doors etc is wrong because they are used to a society where the main men we hear about beat women up or rape etc.

I'm not saying you aren't normal, but sometimes when people are introduced to new things they don't know how to deal with it so tend to stick to the way they know best (the men that aren't very giving and loving).

I'm sorry, but I think that last statement is a load of cack, infact saying that women want men who they can change and make better and be mothers over I think isn't accurate either. I'd prefer a man without a load of problems to him, there's nothing wrong with being nice. I don't want a man that's going to treat me mean to keep me keen, that just reads ******** to me. I'm not picking on you amy, I'm just saying cuz loads of people seem to be coming up with this same stuff (I've been reading it for a while now), that women want guys with a mean streak in them or whatever, fair enough each to their own, but I'd rather be with a man that can be act properly rather than a boy who needs mothering.

Reply 14

petri dish

I'm sorry, but I think that last statement is a load of cack, infact saying that women want men who they can change and make better and be mothers over I think isn't accurate either. I'd prefer a man without a load of problems to him, there's nothing wrong with being nice. I don't want a man that's going to treat me mean to keep me keen, that just reads ******** to me. I'm not picking on you amy, I'm just saying cuz loads of people seem to be coming up with this same stuff (I've been reading it for a while now), that people want guys with a mean streak in them or whatever, fair enough each to their own, but I'd rather be with a man that can be act properly rather than a boy who needs mothering.

Just reading half of that seems as though you are picking on me. I'm NOT generalising, i'm talking about me and my opinion on what i think girls are like from how i am. My boyfriend goes to LSE and is so intelligent you couldnt imagine, hes not some violent drug abuser and definately isnt mean.. He takes me out and he does all them nice things, but he still has things that could be better that i like to change. If he was all perfect I wouldnt be with him. Every girl likes to know they've changed a lad for the better.. and likes to know they've made a difference...

I guess that means that every girl likes to know they are needed. I like to know silly things like my boyfriend wants me to go shopping with him cos i can make him look good, it makes me feel good because he wants me to help him - not anybody else.

Reply 15