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Please help, don't know what to do.
As some of you may be aware due to a long thread I posted a while back, I have quite a few problems with my mum. She just doesn't behave like a normal, reasonable person.
Anyway, my mum and dad have been on holiday for the last week, leaving me and my brother alone in the house. Everything's been fine, and we've both had friends over, but not made too much of a mess or anything. But my parents came back about two hours ago and now my mum's noticed this stain on the bathroom floor which won't come off. It's bright purple and kind of pearly, so pretty obvious really, and being obsessively house-proud, she's furious. As soon as she saw it she yelled at me to come and tell her what it was so she could try to get it off. I explained that I don't know what it is, it's nothing to do with me and I can't help her. I genuinely don't know how it got there. She thinks it's nail varnish, which is apparently her cast-iron proof that I'm responsible, despite the fact that I hardly ever wear nail varnish, I don't have any that colour, and it won't come off with nail varnish remover anyway.
She's said that I can't use the car and I won't get any meals until I tell her what it is, and that if she has to replace the floor in the bathroom, I'll be paying for it. I've now locked myself in my room because I'm so furious with her. I'm not too bothered about the meals, since I can last until tomorrow morning when I go to work and buy something then, but the car is a problem, since I work 30 miles from home and there isn't a direct train route. She's also said that as soon as I go to work tomorrow she's going to go into my room and get all my stuff and chuck it out of the window.
What can I do? She won't believe I don't know anything about it, even though she has no evidence at all that it was me. If it's my brother's fault, he's certainly not going to admit to it now. I can't eat at home, it will take me 2 hours to get to work by public transport (and cost me around £15 per day), and if she follows through on her threat to trash all my stuff, I'm going to have that to deal with as well.
Help!
Anyway, my mum and dad have been on holiday for the last week, leaving me and my brother alone in the house. Everything's been fine, and we've both had friends over, but not made too much of a mess or anything. But my parents came back about two hours ago and now my mum's noticed this stain on the bathroom floor which won't come off. It's bright purple and kind of pearly, so pretty obvious really, and being obsessively house-proud, she's furious. As soon as she saw it she yelled at me to come and tell her what it was so she could try to get it off. I explained that I don't know what it is, it's nothing to do with me and I can't help her. I genuinely don't know how it got there. She thinks it's nail varnish, which is apparently her cast-iron proof that I'm responsible, despite the fact that I hardly ever wear nail varnish, I don't have any that colour, and it won't come off with nail varnish remover anyway.
She's said that I can't use the car and I won't get any meals until I tell her what it is, and that if she has to replace the floor in the bathroom, I'll be paying for it. I've now locked myself in my room because I'm so furious with her. I'm not too bothered about the meals, since I can last until tomorrow morning when I go to work and buy something then, but the car is a problem, since I work 30 miles from home and there isn't a direct train route. She's also said that as soon as I go to work tomorrow she's going to go into my room and get all my stuff and chuck it out of the window.
What can I do? She won't believe I don't know anything about it, even though she has no evidence at all that it was me. If it's my brother's fault, he's certainly not going to admit to it now. I can't eat at home, it will take me 2 hours to get to work by public transport (and cost me around £15 per day), and if she follows through on her threat to trash all my stuff, I'm going to have that to deal with as well.
Help!
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take all the keys to your car from around the house when she's sleeping. and threaten her telling her you'll move out, always a gem
billbonesknowswhatimean
take all the keys to your car from around the house when she's sleeping. and threaten her telling her you'll move out, always a gem
It's not my car.
Also, if I say I'm moving out, she'll tell me to go, since I'm currently paying the rent for a house in Bristol. But if I can't go and live there, since I work full-time, am contracted until the end of September, and if I quit sooner I won't be able to afford to eat next year.
where does the dad stand on this?
Normally he sticks up for me, but this time he's just saying, "Well if you didn't do it, who else did?" and being totally unhelpful. He's not being nearly as bad as her, but I'm really angry with him for not helping me. I've told him that I'm not paying a penny towards the floor, and neither am I paying for my car insurance unless I can use the car.
i'd say go overload on getting ur dad on ur side. if anyone's gonna work her, it'd be him. just constantly make ur point to him to annoy him into saying something to her about it
billbonesknowswhatimean
i'd say go overload on getting ur dad on ur side. if anyone's gonna work her, it'd be him. just constantly make ur point to him to annoy him into saying something to her about it
No one can "work her". She's impossible. It's really sad, because she's my mum and I love her, but the way she behaves just makes me feel as though I can't wait to graduate so I can move out for good, and when I have, wild horses couldn't drag me back here.
You've stromed off into your room, and tomorrow will be going behind her back (eating, work and things) so that is making you look guilty. It would be far better if you apologised, stated that it was not your fault, but then tried to do something ( a rug maybe?) to make it up to her.
Then you'll look grown up and mature, and she'll seem like the immature sulky teenager.
She has totally over-reacted, but somebody has ruined her floor and she's probably tired from travelling.
Then you'll look grown up and mature, and she'll seem like the immature sulky teenager.
She has totally over-reacted, but somebody has ruined her floor and she's probably tired from travelling.
Menopausal old baggage.
Could you move out and crash with friends until you finish work? It's not very long now and could be better than living there. You could explain to your boss that you've got family problems and maybe get the complany to help pay for your travel costs.
Sorry, I should probably be saying "Oh, this is what you do to get the rest of your family on side, this is how you can make it up with her" but I can't think of anything that'd work. Whoever stained your floor should have admitted it, really, or even better, not have done it in the first place, but you know that already.
Perhaps moving out would make her realise what an eejit she's being about this.
Before anyone says anything, I can understand why her mum's annoyed and we don't know the full story, but from this side of it, the mother's overreacting.
*edit for spelling, crud*
Could you move out and crash with friends until you finish work? It's not very long now and could be better than living there. You could explain to your boss that you've got family problems and maybe get the complany to help pay for your travel costs.
Sorry, I should probably be saying "Oh, this is what you do to get the rest of your family on side, this is how you can make it up with her" but I can't think of anything that'd work. Whoever stained your floor should have admitted it, really, or even better, not have done it in the first place, but you know that already.
Perhaps moving out would make her realise what an eejit she's being about this.
Before anyone says anything, I can understand why her mum's annoyed and we don't know the full story, but from this side of it, the mother's overreacting.
*edit for spelling, crud*
Juno
You've stromed off into your room, and tomorrow will be going behind her back (eating, work and things) so that is making you look guilty. It would be far better if you apologised, stated that it was not your fault, but then tried to do something ( a rug maybe?) to make it up to her.
Then you'll look grown up and mature, and she'll seem like the immature sulky teenager.
She has totally over-reacted, but somebody has ruined her floor and she's probably tired from travelling.
Then you'll look grown up and mature, and she'll seem like the immature sulky teenager.
She has totally over-reacted, but somebody has ruined her floor and she's probably tired from travelling.
She's always like this, it's nothing to do with the travelling. I did say it was nothing to do with me and she wouldn't listen, so eventually I got really angry. I can't help because I don't know what it is, because I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened.
I have to eat and I have to go to work, so what can I do?
Hmmmm well if you think you have nothing to do with all this, just accept to pay, swearing that it has nothing to do with you and is probably one of your brother's friends but you can't deal with an argument. Just back down and she'll feel bad for it.
In the grand scheme of things, does this even matter? You know yourself that your Mum is exaggerating. This is only a little incident blown out of proportion. Just make it obvious how ridiculous it all is by backing down while still insisting it has nothing to do with you.
In the grand scheme of things, does this even matter? You know yourself that your Mum is exaggerating. This is only a little incident blown out of proportion. Just make it obvious how ridiculous it all is by backing down while still insisting it has nothing to do with you.
Hey Katie
Sounds crazy! She's totally overreacted; taking away your mobility, wanting to throw your stuff out the window, not feeding you ... BECAUSE OF A STAIN?!?!
If I were you I'd:
a) Try and lose the stain ... it MUST come out somehow;
b) Go down and chat to her (however diff because it'll diffuse the awkwardness in the morning);
c) Try and get your dad AND bro on your side - surely they think she's being unreasonable?
I can't say my parents are like this, and I don't know your mum so I can't suggest what to say to her. When my sister is in BIG trouble she speaks to them and starts crying when apologising ... that works well. Maybe just tell her you're sorry about the stain, and feel somewhat responsible but that you really don't know what it is ... you will try to get it out for her etc. I think in the morning she'll be totally calmed down and realise how hormonal she's been. If it were me, I'd say: Perhaps I could call aunty XXX and ask her about it, she might know - when she thinks about other people close to her hearing about how she's reacted, she'll probs chill.
Sounds crazy! She's totally overreacted; taking away your mobility, wanting to throw your stuff out the window, not feeding you ... BECAUSE OF A STAIN?!?!
If I were you I'd:
a) Try and lose the stain ... it MUST come out somehow;
b) Go down and chat to her (however diff because it'll diffuse the awkwardness in the morning);
c) Try and get your dad AND bro on your side - surely they think she's being unreasonable?
I can't say my parents are like this, and I don't know your mum so I can't suggest what to say to her. When my sister is in BIG trouble she speaks to them and starts crying when apologising ... that works well. Maybe just tell her you're sorry about the stain, and feel somewhat responsible but that you really don't know what it is ... you will try to get it out for her etc. I think in the morning she'll be totally calmed down and realise how hormonal she's been. If it were me, I'd say: Perhaps I could call aunty XXX and ask her about it, she might know - when she thinks about other people close to her hearing about how she's reacted, she'll probs chill.
Sticky
Hmmmm well if you think you have nothing to do with all this, just accept to pay, swearing that it has nothing to do with you and is probably one of your brother's friends but you can't deal with an argument. Just back down and she'll feel bad for it.
In the grand scheme of things, does this even matter? You know yourself that your Mum is exaggerating. This is only a little incident blown out of proportion. Just make it obvious how ridiculous it all is by backing down while still insisting it has nothing to do with you.
In the grand scheme of things, does this even matter? You know yourself that your Mum is exaggerating. This is only a little incident blown out of proportion. Just make it obvious how ridiculous it all is by backing down while still insisting it has nothing to do with you.
Actually great advice. Do that -- she has no reason to be mad, she seems unreasonable, and you seem grown up. She won't end up making you pay either, and, if she does, you can tell everyone what happened.
In the short-term, you could just make something up and say it’s possible it was a friend’s nail varnish and therefore I’ve decided to take responsibility for it. At least that way you can eat, drive, and not have all your stuff thrown out the window. Chances are *something* will remove the stain, and you won't need pay for the floor to be replaced.
nooo after denying it was you, you can't just wash up a new excuse for the stain. i agree with ol' stickyfingers
fuglyduckling
Actually great advice. Do that -- she has no reason to be mad, she seems unreasonable, and you seem grown up. She won't end up making you pay either, and, if she does, you can tell everyone what happened.
I guess if she keeps on like this I'll just have to pay it (she actually will make me) but I might be able to get my dad to give me the money back without her knowing. It doesn't matter whether I tell everyone what happened because everyone knows she's crazy except her parents, and they're crazy too, which is part of the problem.
I really hope I don't end up like her!
I feel really sorry for my dad - he is so long-suffering. And my brother feels the same way I do, except he's younger than me so he'll have to put up with it for longer. If it weren't for my job I would pack my bags and go to Bristol tonight, but I'm getting paid more per hour than any other student I know, so I really can't afford not to work there! And I couldn't guarantee even getting another job at all, even in McDonalds. Everyone knows how difficult it is for students to find good jobs in the summer. I guess I just have to stick it out until I go back to uni. I never come home during term-time.
Thanks for the support guys, in a way it makes me feel better to know that her behaviour really isn't normal...
When she was trying to get the stain out and my dad said, "Here, let me have a go," she just told him to **** off.
At least you know you should end up in a nice relationship, the ol' "Oh no, am I starting to act like my mother" thing will always be with you, so you should be able to avoid it.
She just seems to have a temper on her, give it a few days and maybe she'll start feeling bad.
Gloating is optional, but not reccommended.
She just seems to have a temper on her, give it a few days and maybe she'll start feeling bad.
Gloating is optional, but not reccommended.
go and torture your brother till it comes out
No, my brother is going to throw pieces of fruit through my window later...
Also, he just created a diversion so I could sneak out and go to the toilet.
Yes, it's ridiculous, and a genuine problem, but there is a funny side.
Also, he just created a diversion so I could sneak out and go to the toilet.
Yes, it's ridiculous, and a genuine problem, but there is a funny side.
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