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Feeling socially inadequate and immature
Apologies in advance for a rambling post, but hopefully someone can be bothered to read and comment! Well, as kind of hinted at in the title, I just feel really inadequate socially. I've always maintained an appearance of being bubbly person on the outside - people have always called me this - but on the inside when I'm with my peers I feel so useless and shy. It came to a low point last Christmas holidays when I just broke down, and finally sought treatment for depression which I had been suffeirng for a few years.
It's only within the past couple of years that I've been able to find a good group of friends, having been teased (not physical bullying, but just being mocked and left out...especially noticeable having gone to an all-girls school!) by people my age for being hardworking and focusing on my studies. I'd only ever been myself: always willing to help out people, listen to people, but none of this was really returned, which gradually eroded my self-esteem. Anyway, all of my group are like me- the 'geeky' group, as much as I hate to stereotype! - who are great academically and have left off having boyfriends, etc, until uni.
But now I've left school, I've realised that I only have one or two closer friends, in particular one really good friend with whom I share many similarities...she's a lovely person, and has been a great support to me in recent months. Recently however, she's been getting more and more confident - in part having lost weight over the past few months, and I found out today she now has a boyfriend. We went away a few weeks ago, and she was a different person: confident, dominant almost, and mixing with different people in our group. (she has indicated that she doesnt want to be so close to me anymore in light of us going to uni, which is understandable). In comparison, I have never mixed with boys (but would love a boyfriend), have never gone out clubbing - somewhat due to my group of friends not being clubbing people! - am unsure about going to university because of an almost crippling lack of confidence, and am unsure about going to uni due to doubts not only over my course, but also because I feel I'm not ready for uni and its social experiences yet.
So, I'm fed up of having no confidence- someone in my family commented to me today how I'm a great actress, in that I can put on a front! But I'm facing a bit of a lonely summer as I don't have many friends at all, and I'm just too scared to be proactive and doing things. Tonight I was invited out to a pub, but said no because I wouldnt have known anyone bar one girl, who was with her boyfriend.
I realise how I sound so unashamedly sorry for myself, but I feel in a bit of a quandry... my parents always tell me how I'm a lovely person, but I just don't feel like this has gotten me anywhere in the past. I feel really immature! Am I the only one?
It's only within the past couple of years that I've been able to find a good group of friends, having been teased (not physical bullying, but just being mocked and left out...especially noticeable having gone to an all-girls school!) by people my age for being hardworking and focusing on my studies. I'd only ever been myself: always willing to help out people, listen to people, but none of this was really returned, which gradually eroded my self-esteem. Anyway, all of my group are like me- the 'geeky' group, as much as I hate to stereotype! - who are great academically and have left off having boyfriends, etc, until uni.
But now I've left school, I've realised that I only have one or two closer friends, in particular one really good friend with whom I share many similarities...she's a lovely person, and has been a great support to me in recent months. Recently however, she's been getting more and more confident - in part having lost weight over the past few months, and I found out today she now has a boyfriend. We went away a few weeks ago, and she was a different person: confident, dominant almost, and mixing with different people in our group. (she has indicated that she doesnt want to be so close to me anymore in light of us going to uni, which is understandable). In comparison, I have never mixed with boys (but would love a boyfriend), have never gone out clubbing - somewhat due to my group of friends not being clubbing people! - am unsure about going to university because of an almost crippling lack of confidence, and am unsure about going to uni due to doubts not only over my course, but also because I feel I'm not ready for uni and its social experiences yet.
So, I'm fed up of having no confidence- someone in my family commented to me today how I'm a great actress, in that I can put on a front! But I'm facing a bit of a lonely summer as I don't have many friends at all, and I'm just too scared to be proactive and doing things. Tonight I was invited out to a pub, but said no because I wouldnt have known anyone bar one girl, who was with her boyfriend.
I realise how I sound so unashamedly sorry for myself, but I feel in a bit of a quandry... my parents always tell me how I'm a lovely person, but I just don't feel like this has gotten me anywhere in the past. I feel really immature! Am I the only one?
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You're definitely not alone. A lot of people feel this way. It's good that you're going to university, because you will meet so many people, some of them are bound to be on your wavelength. Until you go, the one piece of advice I can offer you is this: never turn down a social invitation. If you'd gone to the pub, you at least would have known one person, and you could have easily chatted to her boyfriend, and then some other people, and you might have made new friends. Next time, you should go along.
Apricot Fairy
You're definitely not alone. A lot of people feel this way. It's good that you're going to university, because you will meet so many people, some of them are bound to be on your wavelength. Until you go, the one piece of advice I can offer you is this: never turn down a social invitation. If you'd gone to the pub, you at least would have known one person, and you could have easily chatted to her boyfriend, and then some other people, and you might have made new friends. Next time, you should go along.
Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it
I'm already feeling frustrated about turning the invite down, but I'm just so conscious of myself and what I say and look like, and whether people like me or not! Also, I feel behind everyone else: those closest to me, and most similar to me in lifestyle have managed to move on, but I can't seem to approach people. I even hate answering the door!
I completely get where you are coming from
it is almost like reading something I had written
If you want to pm me feel free
*hug*
it is almost like reading something I had written
If you want to pm me feel free
*hug*
Theres not alot anyone can say. You just have to ignore your fears and go for it. I understand how amazingly easy it is to say that compared to actually doing it. But everyone has kinda, social obstactles they have to overcome (some more than others. But despite what you might think everyone feels like youre feeling now sometime in their life)
You should get a job over the summer, that way you'll meet people. No matter how terrified you are of talking to someone you just have to go and do it. You'll come out stronger as a result of it every time.
And dont resent your friends being succesful. Use it as an example of what you could achieve (i presume you both used to be quite similar. If she can do it, so can you.) If youve got insecurities about yourself physically, spend all summer eating healthily and doing exercise. Then by the time uni starts you'll be so beautiful you wont be able to help feeling happy about yourself
You can achieve those things, it just depends how much effort youre willing to put in. Dont make excuses, and dont give up when you fail at something. Thats all you need to remember
Good luck darlin'
(and you should have gone to the pub. If you werent having a good time you could have just gone home, you shouldnt care what other people think)
You should get a job over the summer, that way you'll meet people. No matter how terrified you are of talking to someone you just have to go and do it. You'll come out stronger as a result of it every time.
And dont resent your friends being succesful. Use it as an example of what you could achieve (i presume you both used to be quite similar. If she can do it, so can you.) If youve got insecurities about yourself physically, spend all summer eating healthily and doing exercise. Then by the time uni starts you'll be so beautiful you wont be able to help feeling happy about yourself
You can achieve those things, it just depends how much effort youre willing to put in. Dont make excuses, and dont give up when you fail at something. Thats all you need to remember
Good luck darlin'
(and you should have gone to the pub. If you werent having a good time you could have just gone home, you shouldnt care what other people think)
mooseisabunny
I completely get where you are coming from
it is almost like reading something I had written
If you want to pm me feel free
*hug*
it is almost like reading something I had written
If you want to pm me feel free
*hug*
Thanks, I may do that
halfoflessthan50p - thanks for replying. I'm not quite sure why I posted, other than to get some other people's perspective and to see if anyone has felt in a similar way
I guess I'm feeling lonely, and a bit of a failure for being nearly 18 but without any friends, and without any proper social experience!
Okay let me be harsh for a moment, but it is necessary:
Going to university will either make you or break you. If you find the right people who are like minded and friendly, that is excellent. However, if for some reason you can't start out well, it can be devastating.
Another harsh thing. What you have once had one day, you may not have another day. You may have had the best of friends at college, but you will find that they change the way they feel about you or change in themselves. Even the best of friends can wither away after time.
Now, the supportive stuff (sorry to sound harsh earlier
)
I have been in such a similar position to you it is unreal: I too, used to pretend to be someone else, I was known as the funny guy at college, deep down though I was unfulfilled. I was totally useless with girls (still am!) since I was at an all boys Catholic school. I made a small group of really good friends. I too put studies first and social life second. I have never properly mixed with girls, I can't make a proper conversation (without turning academic) with girls and my friends say I repel girls with my pathetic-ness. I never went out at college, all my friends were invited to the cool parties but I was never invited, I was their ugly friend who just hung with them in the common room but never outside of school.
So I was like you when I was two years younger, what happened when I started uni?
I couldn't make any friends, and no one was interested in me. My grades slipped and I developed severe clinical depression and a couple of other mental illnesses. That was my first year.
The second year was more difficult, I had to start again making friends like a first year but with the pressure that all my other contemporaries had friends and favourite clubs and so on. I developed a severe anxiety problem which I had to deal with virtually on my own. I joined a couple of societies and made a few acquantances but not friends, eventually, my links with other people grew into small friendships and I met a great guy at uni who might eventually be a friend. So I guess things are getting slightly better, but I still feel suicidal at times.
Look, enough of my personal story. I want to help you very much. I implore you to PM me, you seem like a kindred spirit. I don't want you to go through what I did. Please, I want very much to help you, give you some do's and dont's.
To summarise you are not the only one, there are at least two of us out there
Going to university will either make you or break you. If you find the right people who are like minded and friendly, that is excellent. However, if for some reason you can't start out well, it can be devastating.
Another harsh thing. What you have once had one day, you may not have another day. You may have had the best of friends at college, but you will find that they change the way they feel about you or change in themselves. Even the best of friends can wither away after time.
Now, the supportive stuff (sorry to sound harsh earlier
) I have been in such a similar position to you it is unreal: I too, used to pretend to be someone else, I was known as the funny guy at college, deep down though I was unfulfilled. I was totally useless with girls (still am!) since I was at an all boys Catholic school. I made a small group of really good friends. I too put studies first and social life second. I have never properly mixed with girls, I can't make a proper conversation (without turning academic) with girls and my friends say I repel girls with my pathetic-ness. I never went out at college, all my friends were invited to the cool parties but I was never invited, I was their ugly friend who just hung with them in the common room but never outside of school.
So I was like you when I was two years younger, what happened when I started uni?
I couldn't make any friends, and no one was interested in me. My grades slipped and I developed severe clinical depression and a couple of other mental illnesses. That was my first year.
The second year was more difficult, I had to start again making friends like a first year but with the pressure that all my other contemporaries had friends and favourite clubs and so on. I developed a severe anxiety problem which I had to deal with virtually on my own. I joined a couple of societies and made a few acquantances but not friends, eventually, my links with other people grew into small friendships and I met a great guy at uni who might eventually be a friend. So I guess things are getting slightly better, but I still feel suicidal at times.
Look, enough of my personal story. I want to help you very much. I implore you to PM me, you seem like a kindred spirit. I don't want you to go through what I did. Please, I want very much to help you, give you some do's and dont's.
To summarise you are not the only one, there are at least two of us out there
I'm feel the same and am in a similar situation. I thought no one else was the same till I came to this forum, but it seems there has been at least one other thread like this before each with a number of people who are in a similar situation.
No you're not alone, and you sound like a cool chick anyway. I'm known to sometimes act a little immature for my age But so long as you have good friends, ignore idiots and know about the important things in life, I don't think you should have much to worry about xxxooo
Also if it helps, feel free to PM me if you want for support, I'm in a supportive mood today 
But so long as you have good friends, ignore idiots and know about the important things in life, I don't think you should have much to worry about xxxoooAlso if it helps, feel free to PM me if you want for support, I'm in a supportive mood today
Thanks to everyone for replying
Rugar - thanks for your honesty, and I'm sorry that you've been through a tough time yourself, and I'll PM you soon.
Anonymous - it's comforting to know others feel similar to me, although I dont really know where to go from here. My friend keeps mentioning how wonderful her boyfriend is, and I just feel such a baby.
danni_bella - thanks for your kind words. I just want to have those 'good friends'... I'm always willing to listen to people, and help people - it's in my nature, but I'm not a pushover! - and act bubbly and happy, but deep down I just don't get it back.
Rugar - thanks for your honesty, and I'm sorry that you've been through a tough time yourself, and I'll PM you soon.
Anonymous - it's comforting to know others feel similar to me, although I dont really know where to go from here. My friend keeps mentioning how wonderful her boyfriend is, and I just feel such a baby.
danni_bella - thanks for your kind words. I just want to have those 'good friends'... I'm always willing to listen to people, and help people - it's in my nature, but I'm not a pushover! - and act bubbly and happy, but deep down I just don't get it back.
Be careful about wishing to be something you're not. I have a friend who's spent the last few years trying to live the whole clubbing lifestyle even though it basically isn't him. He's essentially quite chronically shy, and he's terrified of being around large groups when he's sober. The only way he can cope is to get completley off his face - but then he's so incoherent he tends to make a complete prat out of himself. He's been at it for years but failed to properly pull a single girl.
Not everyone is a social animal, if you're not don't beat yourself up about it. I can promise you that to some people quiet and shy is more attractive than outgoing and confident.
Not everyone is a social animal, if you're not don't beat yourself up about it. I can promise you that to some people quiet and shy is more attractive than outgoing and confident.
Well,let me dip my hand into this soup.i've suffered these things before and its just cool to know that i'm not alone.In college, im very popular and most girls find me attractive.in fact,many tell my friends they always think about me,lol. They think im a stud,but deep down i know i aint.i dont ave a gf,shaken by the sight of nice girls,lol.i just cant hack the thing. as someone said, i suffered anxiety too(still do) but neva told anyone because i hope i'll get over it soon. my good mates live far away,so i don't see them often, and when i do, they come along with some nasty girls which i just cant say 'no i dont like you' to.anyway i wish u all the best.it takes sometime and you'll be Ok
just a bit more. Don't worry about your appearance at all. Being 'gorgeous' has simply let me down.I draw attention from girls and i hate it. I wish i was just normal, going around doing my things and no one will bother about me
Don't worry...i don't believe there to be such a thing as social immaturity, inadequacy or ineptness. It's just the search for similars in terms of friends et al, and if there's a certain degree of failure in this search, then you could start thinking bad thoughts about yourself...which is not a good thing.
Chin up
Chin up
Confidence doesn't come so much from receiving love from parents - then you are only confident with them.
It comes from knowing what's good for you and people generally. Then you can *give* love.
I was "confident" because of my reasonable looks and intellect/wit, but I began to realise this was all a bit shallow & unfulfilling, I needed something more to pass on / share / grow in .. .
seeing my own failings and it made me interested to know why certain people were different, they had a contentment & confidence & direction I didn't - they had actually received this other life from God . . .I'm not talking religion but relationship / identity . . after a while I prayed without doubt or fear, wanting to face-up to this Jesus Christ . . .I began speaking in tongues and found another life which enriches me and my relationships.
It comes from knowing what's good for you and people generally. Then you can *give* love.
I was "confident" because of my reasonable looks and intellect/wit, but I began to realise this was all a bit shallow & unfulfilling, I needed something more to pass on / share / grow in .. .
seeing my own failings and it made me interested to know why certain people were different, they had a contentment & confidence & direction I didn't - they had actually received this other life from God . . .I'm not talking religion but relationship / identity . . after a while I prayed without doubt or fear, wanting to face-up to this Jesus Christ . . .I began speaking in tongues and found another life which enriches me and my relationships.
jokeroid
And this social inadequacy is a real bitch because its one of those neverending cycles. You can't escape it. And when you try to do, it shows, and drags you back into the cycle.
And this social inadequacy is a real bitch because its one of those neverending cycles. You can't escape it. And when you try to do, it shows, and drags you back into the cycle.
Its part of you, so you can't escape it. At least, not without either seriously remodelling your personality or dangerously repressing your true feelings. No matter how many times you jump from a window, if you aren't a bird you won't fly.
C'mon, i bet you people can quite happily be on your own for hours, can't you? Personally, i acknowledge that as a gift - i'd wager that many of these people who seem so confident in a social setting have severe trouble being on their own for any length of time.
As much as i admire peoples good intentions, people should stop telling her everythings alright. Some tough love would be more helpful. With people ive known (and myself to a degree i guess) i think confidence issues are best dealt with hands on. Soul searching might help in the short term but to be completely happy with yourself you have to make an effort to change the things your not happy with. Its not pretending to be someone else its learning how to be yourself properly.
People change all the time (i was a totally different person at the start of 6th form, ill probably be a totally different person by the end of Uni.) I think everyone should constantly try and improve things about themselves and kinda grow as people.
I doubt the OP will honestly make much effort to change herself after reading all the replies she gets on here, but thats what she needs to do if shes going to feel less "socially inadequate and immature"
People change all the time (i was a totally different person at the start of 6th form, ill probably be a totally different person by the end of Uni.) I think everyone should constantly try and improve things about themselves and kinda grow as people.
I doubt the OP will honestly make much effort to change herself after reading all the replies she gets on here, but thats what she needs to do if shes going to feel less "socially inadequate and immature"
I know this may sound a little bit weird...but how did you know you were depressed? I'm not saying it accusingly at all, it's just that I felt a very similar way, very insecure around my friends although I gave the impression that I was bubbly and happy etc. Anyway around Christmas, and for a month or so afterwards, I was really really unhappy, and I just felt like crying all the time. I told this to one friend I trust a lot and she didn't really know what to say. I never said anything to anybody else, but I truly felt I was depressed, but I still don't know whether I was.
Sorry about that tangent I was just curious...
I hope you feel better soon...I still feel very insecure around my friends, although I don't let them know that. I love them, and they are great friends, but I still feel inadequate a lot of the time when I'm around them. The thing you have to tell yourself though, is that all this insecurity is not because other people see you in a certain way, but because YOU do. That's how it is with me...so now I try to forget my insecurities in the moment and just say or do what I thinks best. People will always say things that may hurt you, possibly without meaning to, but you really have to just try and forget about it. I know this makes very little sense, and that its easier said than done to become more confident, but when you go to university, pretend to be a different person, have more courage than you would usually have, and things will change for you.
I hope that made sense, and there are people who feel the same is you. Remember, everybody has insecurities, it's just a case of trying to forget about them.
xxx
Sorry about that tangent I was just curious...
I hope you feel better soon...I still feel very insecure around my friends, although I don't let them know that. I love them, and they are great friends, but I still feel inadequate a lot of the time when I'm around them. The thing you have to tell yourself though, is that all this insecurity is not because other people see you in a certain way, but because YOU do. That's how it is with me...so now I try to forget my insecurities in the moment and just say or do what I thinks best. People will always say things that may hurt you, possibly without meaning to, but you really have to just try and forget about it. I know this makes very little sense, and that its easier said than done to become more confident, but when you go to university, pretend to be a different person, have more courage than you would usually have, and things will change for you.
I hope that made sense, and there are people who feel the same is you. Remember, everybody has insecurities, it's just a case of trying to forget about them.
xxx
Okay, once again thanks for the replies.
Someone I know - used to be a close friend but sort of 'dumped' me to hang around people who were more clubbing/'popular' type people - has done the exact same thing. I know not to fall into that trap! I know not everyone is a 'social animal', but I can't help but feel that me being quiet is weighing me down.
Anonymous 3- thanks for your reply... I'm sure you attract attention for something other than being 'gorgeous' - at least you go out, thats something in itself!
White_haired_wizard - thanks for your reassurance. But I've been surrounded by 'similar' poeple, yet still fail to gel with them, so surely there's an inadequacy I need to correct?
You've hit the nail on the head - it's cyclical. I felt like this a year ago, 2 years ago, even 3. I feel like I've got a summer to change, before uni or whatever lies ahead. But I don't know how!
NJA - I'm glad you've found hope I know what you mean about reassurance from parents - mine love me and are so supportive, thus maturally i am confident and myself at home. ALthough they have 'babied' (sp?) me, which hasnt help me socially.
I appreciate your honesty - and no, it's not harsh, it's the truth. I'm so glad to hear that others have felt/feel similar to me, but I don't know where to go from here. That's the problem.
It did make sense, don't worry! Although i can't really forget about my insecurities when they are central to my life - literally! But it is my perspective on things, which i am trying to change - I'm undergoing CBT (cognital behavioural therapy) for my depression. In answer to your question, I had been depressed for a long time, so in simple terms I just knew. By Christmas, I had been so low that my facade of happiness had slipped to the point that my friends were noticing something had changed about me. I struggled to getout of bed in the morning, my appetite changed - physical symptoms helped my family spot it. They had urged me for months to get help, but it wasnt until Christmas, when it all peaked emotionally... I was constantly weepy, constantly down, couldn't face the world - to use a cliche, just like a dark cloud. And the frustrating thing is that I could see myself like this - sounds strange, but I couldnt drag myself out of this state. I broke down. Even now, a few months on, I find it difficult to get out, to socialise. I dread it!
Andronicus Comnenus
Be careful about wishing to be something you're not. I have a friend who's spent the last few years trying to live the whole clubbing lifestyle even though it basically isn't him. He's essentially quite chronically shy, and he's terrified of being around large groups when he's sober. The only way he can cope is to get completley off his face - but then he's so incoherent he tends to make a complete prat out of himself. He's been at it for years but failed to properly pull a single girl.
Not everyone is a social animal, if you're not don't beat yourself up about it. I can promise you that to some people quiet and shy is more attractive than outgoing and confident.
Not everyone is a social animal, if you're not don't beat yourself up about it. I can promise you that to some people quiet and shy is more attractive than outgoing and confident.
Someone I know - used to be a close friend but sort of 'dumped' me to hang around people who were more clubbing/'popular' type people - has done the exact same thing. I know not to fall into that trap! I know not everyone is a 'social animal', but I can't help but feel that me being quiet is weighing me down.
Anonymous 3- thanks for your reply... I'm sure you attract attention for something other than being 'gorgeous' - at least you go out, thats something in itself!
White_haired_wizard - thanks for your reassurance. But I've been surrounded by 'similar' poeple, yet still fail to gel with them, so surely there's an inadequacy I need to correct?
jokeroid
I feel as if I'm getting dumber, back in the day I was up there at the top of all my classes. Now I just feel as if I'm stationary whilst everyone else is overtaking me. You just know it, when you have depression.
And this social inadequacy is a real bitch because its one of those neverending cycles. You can't escape it. And when you try to do, it shows, and drags you back into the cycle.
Sorry I couldn't be of much help. Just want to let you know they're others.
And this social inadequacy is a real bitch because its one of those neverending cycles. You can't escape it. And when you try to do, it shows, and drags you back into the cycle.
Sorry I couldn't be of much help. Just want to let you know they're others.
You've hit the nail on the head - it's cyclical. I felt like this a year ago, 2 years ago, even 3. I feel like I've got a summer to change, before uni or whatever lies ahead. But I don't know how!
NJA - I'm glad you've found hope
I know what you mean about reassurance from parents - mine love me and are so supportive, thus maturally i am confident and myself at home. ALthough they have 'babied' (sp?) me, which hasnt help me socially.halfoflessthan50p
As much as i admire peoples good intentions, people should stop telling her everythings alright. Some tough love would be more helpful. With people ive known (and myself to a degree i guess) i think confidence issues are best dealt with hands on. Soul searching might help in the short term but to be completely happy with yourself you have to make an effort to change the things your not happy with. Its not pretending to be someone else its learning how to be yourself properly.
People change all the time (i was a totally different person at the start of 6th form, ill probably be a totally different person by the end of Uni.) I think everyone should constantly try and improve things about themselves and kinda grow as people.
I doubt the OP will honestly make much effort to change herself after reading all the replies she gets on here, but thats what she needs to do if shes going to feel less "socially inadequate and immature"
People change all the time (i was a totally different person at the start of 6th form, ill probably be a totally different person by the end of Uni.) I think everyone should constantly try and improve things about themselves and kinda grow as people.
I doubt the OP will honestly make much effort to change herself after reading all the replies she gets on here, but thats what she needs to do if shes going to feel less "socially inadequate and immature"
I appreciate your honesty - and no, it's not harsh, it's the truth. I'm so glad to hear that others have felt/feel similar to me, but I don't know where to go from here. That's the problem.
4 Anonymous
I know this may sound a little bit weird...but how did you know you were depressed? I'm not saying it accusingly at all, it's just that I felt a very similar way, very insecure around my friends although I gave the impression that I was bubbly and happy etc. Anyway around Christmas, and for a month or so afterwards, I was really really unhappy, and I just felt like crying all the time. I told this to one friend I trust a lot and she didn't really know what to say. I never said anything to anybody else, but I truly felt I was depressed, but I still don't know whether I was.
Sorry about that tangent I was just curious...
I hope you feel better soon...I still feel very insecure around my friends, although I don't let them know that. I love them, and they are great friends, but I still feel inadequate a lot of the time when I'm around them. The thing you have to tell yourself though, is that all this insecurity is not because other people see you in a certain way, but because YOU do. That's how it is with me...so now I try to forget my insecurities in the moment and just say or do what I thinks best. People will always say things that may hurt you, possibly without meaning to, but you really have to just try and forget about it. I know this makes very little sense, and that its easier said than done to become more confident, but when you go to university, pretend to be a different person, have more courage than you would usually have, and things will change for you.
I hope that made sense, and there are people who feel the same is you. Remember, everybody has insecurities, it's just a case of trying to forget about them.
xxx
Sorry about that tangent I was just curious...
I hope you feel better soon...I still feel very insecure around my friends, although I don't let them know that. I love them, and they are great friends, but I still feel inadequate a lot of the time when I'm around them. The thing you have to tell yourself though, is that all this insecurity is not because other people see you in a certain way, but because YOU do. That's how it is with me...so now I try to forget my insecurities in the moment and just say or do what I thinks best. People will always say things that may hurt you, possibly without meaning to, but you really have to just try and forget about it. I know this makes very little sense, and that its easier said than done to become more confident, but when you go to university, pretend to be a different person, have more courage than you would usually have, and things will change for you.
I hope that made sense, and there are people who feel the same is you. Remember, everybody has insecurities, it's just a case of trying to forget about them.
xxx
It did make sense, don't worry! Although i can't really forget about my insecurities when they are central to my life - literally! But it is my perspective on things, which i am trying to change - I'm undergoing CBT (cognital behavioural therapy) for my depression. In answer to your question, I had been depressed for a long time, so in simple terms I just knew. By Christmas, I had been so low that my facade of happiness had slipped to the point that my friends were noticing something had changed about me. I struggled to getout of bed in the morning, my appetite changed - physical symptoms helped my family spot it. They had urged me for months to get help, but it wasnt until Christmas, when it all peaked emotionally... I was constantly weepy, constantly down, couldn't face the world - to use a cliche, just like a dark cloud. And the frustrating thing is that I could see myself like this - sounds strange, but I couldnt drag myself out of this state. I broke down. Even now, a few months on, I find it difficult to get out, to socialise. I dread it!
mooseisabunny
I completely get where you are coming from
it is almost like reading something I had written
it is almost like reading something I had written
same here *hugs*
I will say though, in my old age and wisdom, that school is such a tiny part of the beginning of your life, it will not always be like that and you will change, starting with university.
I went to uni totally unprepared for the social experience, and in fact unable to deal with it socially. It's actually a situation that requires a lot of social skill. But the point is that you gain the skills by biting the bullet and going into the situation first. It doesn't happen the other way round. If you wait till you can deal with it before you enter social situations then you're possibly going to be waiting until you die.
This means that you're gonna have to be brave. Due to your experiences at school, and the erosion of your self esteem it's gonna be hard. You're going to make a lot of mistakes at university, you're going to look back and kick yourself for some of the things you did. That's ok though, its like learning to ride a bike - you'll fall off, several times and it will hurt - but you'll master it in the end.
Good luck hun. I hope you'll go in there prepared for the struggle to learn how to redefine yourself from the geeky, unpopular girl who was always in the shadows and in the corner to a young lady that's confident, aware of herself and looking forward to all the experiences of life.
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