While getting over someone, should you "have fun"?

Hopefully this will make sense to someone. Say things ended with someone and you still had that hope that things could work out but you end up accepting that it's unlikely, that maybe you're hoping for something a bit unrealistic.

Would you still see other people, maybe get "involved" with them, simply because you feel you need to take your mind off things?

Do you think this would change your chances of ever getting back with this person you can't get off your mind?

Reply 1

Mike_Davies

Anonymous

Hopefully this will make sense to someone. Say things ended with someone and you still had that hope that things could work out but you end up accepting that it's unlikely, that maybe you're hoping for something a bit unrealistic.

Would you still see other people, maybe get "involved" with them, simply because you feel you need to take your mind off things?

Do you think this would change your chances of ever getting back with this person you can't get off your mind?

depends on the person really some may see it as oh good good they got over me and have moved on but others may get jealous and make the effort with you! The question that needs answering is have they moved on or is there part of them that still wants you?

Reply 2

Wonderboy Blue

1

Pretty bodies help dissolve the memories
But they can never be
What she was
Was to me

There's a lesson in there somewhere. Someone being in your thoughts all the time (intangible) won't be removed by something physical (sex, tangible). Of course if you developed an emotional connection with someone else and were having sex with them, that would be a big help in 'getting over someone'

But sex feels good. Now if you are thinking 'I want to sleep with other people, but if I do, and get back with ex and he/she finds out...will they dump me?'

Then the answer is more than likely yes. Of course it could also be no. You should know your ex well enough to know the answer.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I am in JUST the same position really. I feel as though I have to move on (as I am sure she has), but at the same time I don't want to kill all hope (because whilst she's moved on, there's still something there). She made herself forget it all though and now I am more into her than she is into me. So yeah, this isn't helpful advice - but there are other people in the same boat.

Reply 4

G4ry

1

It depends if the other person is looking for "fun" or something a bit more. It's not good to just use people to feel better about yourself - but if it's mutual then go for it if it makes you happy. But there are always repercussions.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

I am in JUST the same position really. I feel as though I have to move on (as I am sure she has), but at the same time I don't want to kill all hope (because whilst she's moved on, there's still something there). She made herself forget it all though and now I am more into her than she is into me. So yeah, this isn't helpful advice - but there are other people in the same boat.

I feel your pain. I've come to the point where there doesn't seem to be any hope and it's not because I'm that attracted to these other girls who have shown a "strong interest" in me and asked me on dates... (because of getting over this girl, I've been rather rude to these other girls, some whom I'd promised to call but never did etc. ) but I feel like I would need to do it to keep my sanity.

The other thing is that I've recently turned 21. I'm telling myself that I can't spend the last years of my youth trying to get over girls who don't care. The trouble is that "just going out to have fun" isn't me and isn't what makes me feel fulfilled.

Reply 6

Rashid

Purple-Sparkle

It might help you get over your ex. In my experience I've found that going on dates with new people do help in someways, but you never forget your ex.

I think getting involved with someone else will help further because you'll have someone new to focus on. It will help you stop thinking about your ex eventually.

However, I doubt just having casual sex with people will help you get over them.

Using people is not very nice.

-Rashid

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Purple-Sparkle

I didn't say anything about using anybody. I wouldn't use someone just to get over my ex. I would start going out with someone if I like the person.

I've been used myself and its not very nice, I agree.

but say you don't see yourself going out with that person from the start?

****, thinking about it, I've been used several times. I guess that's what's making me think about all this. I'm not really the "sex buddy" kind of person either. Don't think I'd handle it well.

Reply 8

Wonderboy Blue

1

Purple-Sparkle

I didn't say anything about using anybody. I wouldn't use someone just to get over my ex. I would start going out with someone if I like the person.

I've been used myself and its not very nice, I agree.

You LIE.

You have a mindset that is constantly 'my ex/all men are users and abusers. They only want me/women for one thing.'

Which is totally wrong! This is the reason I get so annoyed with you. Plus somehow making out to your parents that I'd mistreated you or done terrible things to you when I hadn't!

You make up your own 'truth' and dismiss the reality that I didn't like a) talking about my past or b) you thinking you were qualified to 'help' me. When I said 'Maybe I was using you for sex' it was to test the courage of your convictions, of which there was none.

So you fell back on the 'you're so hard done by, blah blah blah...I want to help' to: 'so you WERE using me for sex'. At which point the stupidity of you and lack of faith you had in yourself and your own assumptions prompted me to swear at you. Then you started crying and suddenly I was using you for sex and I'm such a bad person.

I would just like to point out that I was not using you for sex. People who get used for sex don't go all the places we went to, blah blah blah, do all the couple stuff that we did. People getting used for sex are one night stands or booty calls in the wee hours.

I'm sorry for the long post and rant but I hate people getting the wrong idea, even if it is my ex.

Reply 9

silverbolt

19

Purple-Sparkle

It might help you get over your ex. In my experience I've found that going on dates with new people do help in someways, but you never forget your ex.

I think getting involved with someone else will help further because you'll have someone new to focus on. It will help you stop thinking about your ex eventually.

However, I doubt just having casual sex with people will help you get over them.

i found having one night stands is great way for sorting your head out,
they can help and so can dating other people

Reply 10

Aeris

15

I don't think messing around with other people will solve your problem. If anything, it only adds to it. You might end up doing something you regret.

Best wishes :smile:

Reply 11

username47781

20

i personally wouldn't go out and have casual sex if my relatiosnhip ended.

Reply 12

hugatree

11

Carl1982

i personally wouldn't go out and have casual sex if my relatiosnhip ended.

I don't think the OP is talking about casual sex, but other relationships that may be less serious than the one he was in with his ex.

If it seems unrealistic you'll ever be together again, bare in my mind that you never know what could happen in the future that could change the possibility for the better.
Seeing other people will not make you feel better about breaking up with your ex if you had a serious relationship with her. It will only keep you busy and be a subsitute for having someone to care about, someone to do things with and to not be lonely. It doesn't mean you won't still miss your ex.

It shouldn't reduce the chance of getting back together, unless of course, you start to love your new partner more than the old one.

EDIT: also keep in mind that your ex might think you're completely over her by seeing someone else and you might thereby reduce the chance of getting back with her, cos you're making it easier for her to move on as well.

Reply 13

lou p lou

2

i think they can help, when i split up with my ex (who was also my best friend before we went out) i started dating someone thinking it would just be a bit of fun and we're still going out 2 1/2 years later. sometimes it makes you realise that there's someone better for you out there

lou xxx

Reply 14

AnnieBell

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."

This is a really tricky one..

I had this sorta problem. Was having a casual relationship with someone, I thought it was more than it was. He went off with some other girl a few times, and each time, i'd think about hooking up with someone (who i also liked and he really liked me) and decide against it in case he changed his mind. Yeah he did at times, and I got what I wanted, but I also didnt. By not moving on, he knew he could have me, and I was being used, and I fully well know it.

But then, had I gotten with other people, or looked for someone else, in a way it would not have been fair, because I still did (and do for that fact) really like this guy, and all the others I met never compared.

I say just go with the flow. Don't look for a relationship of any sort, but don't do what I did and avoid one. If someone reallt great comes along, yeah they'll definatley help you get over this person! But if someone not so great comes along, don't just go with it and hope for the best, because it probably won't.

At the end of the day, if you make it obvious you'd have him back/go back to him straight away then you'r losing out. Get on with things and let him make up his own mind.

Its tough though.

Also, what a previous poster had said I agree with too.

Sometimes a one night stand can sort your head out. Strange but true. Although obviously they arent for everyone (thats fine) and you shouldnt just go looking for one for the sake of it, but if one comes along and you want one, I wouldnt say its always a bad idea.

Sometimes however, they just make you miss/want the other person even more.

Reply 15

cappucino07

I don't think this is an issue if you are open with the new people about your intentions.

If you only want to have some fun with no strings, then that only works if the other person wants the same thing. Even then it can be fraught with difficulties (in my experience anyway).

Obviously this might harm the person you broke up with, or it could simply make them jealous. It's a risk either way I reckon. You have to judge your chances of getting back first I think.

Reply 16

2late

13

Find a person who you can have exclusive contact with as a friend (who you feel comfortable with), then work on it.

What is holding you onto your ex are the memories, trust me I have the same thing at the moment, but I have a very good friend who's a girl (met her while with my ex but didn't get really close) and we're workin on it. Personally I think relationships based on friendships are the best, because it isn't solely physical attraction, plus I think you are more 'yourself' rather than acting like someone who you aren't, same with the other person.

Reply 17

hugatree

11

the victory james

Obviously this might harm the person you broke up with, or it could simply make them jealous. It's a risk either way I reckon. You have to judge your chances of getting back first I think.

It'll definitely make her jealous.

Reply 18

cappucino07

hugatree

It'll definitely make her jealous.

Yes, and it's his role to judge whether that is in his interest or not.

As I said it's a risk.

Reply 19

hugatree

11

2late

Personally I think relationships based on friendships are the best, because it isn't solely physical attraction, plus I think you are more 'yourself' rather than acting like someone who you aren't, same with the other person.

This is very true. They last the longest, too. How could you marry someone you met in a bar and weren't friends with first?

While getting over someone, should you "have fun"?

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