I think, if that is what gives you cofidence, then that is what will make you attractive to a girl....if you're fun to be with, the hair won't matter really. Confidence and arrogance are COMPLETELY different things tho! I must admit i look at guys with gelled hair and think they love themselves - i should tho. I wouldn't not talk to a guy becuase of it though, i'd wait to see what he was like personality wise.
When it looks dripping with gunk - that's not nice really, but if u have unruly hair then i guess it's a necessity to make you feel good. I know nothing about gelling hair or anything, but just a random - hairbrained?!- idea...would hair SPRAY work, rather than hair gel? That way it keeps it in place but with the 'just stepped out the shower/stuck my hair in a pot of glue' look.
I duno...i wouldn't worry about it. Most girls date the guy, not the hair.