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Very dodgy and complicated situation.
Bear with me, this might take quite a bit of explaining.
OK, on Friday night I went to a party with some friends. We met these 2 girls, who we have mutual friends with. I ended up kissing one at the end of the night, and after she invited me to a gig the next day. I was busy so declined, and I didn't get her number or anything.
The next day I get a phone call from a friend telling me that our friend (who was there at the party also) likes this girl and has gone to the gig. I saw him after the gig and told him that I had kissed this girl, he didn't know. I could tell he was a little taken back, and a bit disappointed. Nothing had happened between them at the gig. I took him away from everyone to tell him, as I didn't want to embarrass him. He's a really good mate and I've known him for over 7 years - obviously my loyalty lies with him over the girl.
Now the next day I get a myspace message from the girl inviting me to a drum and bass gig tonight. I chatted to her for a bit and got her number, thinking that now I had told my friend about what happened he wouldn't be interested. From talking to her I'm pretty confident she doesn't like him and likes me instead. However, I spoke to my friend and he still says he likes her. This surprised me a bit...but he said I should still go the gig, but the implication was that he doesn't want to do anything with this girl. It's a dodgy situation.
I do like her, but I'm not really looking for a girlfriend as I'm going to university in like 2 months and I've only just came out of a relationship. I don't know for sure that she doesn't like my friend, but as I said I'm almost sure she likes me over him. I don't know the intentions of my friend, all he said was that "I'm still digging her". I kinda feel he's simply trying to save face, because he has already been a bit embarrassed by the whole situation.
If I do go the gig, I will definitely speak to her about it. I will simply ask who she prefers and just be honest about it - tell her that I'm not looking for a serious relationship but do like her, but also that my friend likes her. I know what I'm like - if I have a few drinks tonight, and she does like me I will end up kissing her again, and even if she is adamant she doesn't like my friend he will still be hurt I think.
I hoped that by talking to my friend it would all be sorted but in reality it's now even worse...
What to do????
OK, on Friday night I went to a party with some friends. We met these 2 girls, who we have mutual friends with. I ended up kissing one at the end of the night, and after she invited me to a gig the next day. I was busy so declined, and I didn't get her number or anything.
The next day I get a phone call from a friend telling me that our friend (who was there at the party also) likes this girl and has gone to the gig. I saw him after the gig and told him that I had kissed this girl, he didn't know. I could tell he was a little taken back, and a bit disappointed. Nothing had happened between them at the gig. I took him away from everyone to tell him, as I didn't want to embarrass him. He's a really good mate and I've known him for over 7 years - obviously my loyalty lies with him over the girl.
Now the next day I get a myspace message from the girl inviting me to a drum and bass gig tonight. I chatted to her for a bit and got her number, thinking that now I had told my friend about what happened he wouldn't be interested. From talking to her I'm pretty confident she doesn't like him and likes me instead. However, I spoke to my friend and he still says he likes her. This surprised me a bit...but he said I should still go the gig, but the implication was that he doesn't want to do anything with this girl. It's a dodgy situation.
I do like her, but I'm not really looking for a girlfriend as I'm going to university in like 2 months and I've only just came out of a relationship. I don't know for sure that she doesn't like my friend, but as I said I'm almost sure she likes me over him. I don't know the intentions of my friend, all he said was that "I'm still digging her". I kinda feel he's simply trying to save face, because he has already been a bit embarrassed by the whole situation.
If I do go the gig, I will definitely speak to her about it. I will simply ask who she prefers and just be honest about it - tell her that I'm not looking for a serious relationship but do like her, but also that my friend likes her. I know what I'm like - if I have a few drinks tonight, and she does like me I will end up kissing her again, and even if she is adamant she doesn't like my friend he will still be hurt I think.
I hoped that by talking to my friend it would all be sorted but in reality it's now even worse...
What to do????
Scroll to see replies
No one?
Please I'm bricking it here...
Please I'm bricking it here...
clyn
Why did you tell him you kissed her?
I had to tell him.
No offence, but it really comes across in your OP like you were showing off, you had a chance with this girl, kissed her and then couldn't be bothered following it up, so when she finds someone else you had to go and spoil it for him.
If I were him, that's how I'd see it, maybe you didn't mean it like that.
Does this happen a lot?
Like, what are the social dynamics there? Are you the "Popular one" and he's the quiet shy one, yadda yadda?
If I were him, that's how I'd see it, maybe you didn't mean it like that.
Does this happen a lot?
Like, what are the social dynamics there? Are you the "Popular one" and he's the quiet shy one, yadda yadda?
Why don't you just wait until you've spoken to her...?
And what gig you going to ?
And what gig you going to ?
clyn
No offence, but it really comes across in your OP like you were showing off, you had a chance with this girl, kissed her and then couldn't be bothered following it up, so when she finds someone else you had to go and spoil it for him.
If I were him, that's how I'd see it, maybe you didn't mean it like that.
Does this happen a lot?
Like, what are the social dynamics there? Are you the "Popular one" and he's the quiet shy one, yadda yadda?
If I were him, that's how I'd see it, maybe you didn't mean it like that.
Does this happen a lot?
Like, what are the social dynamics there? Are you the "Popular one" and he's the quiet shy one, yadda yadda?
We are very different though, both in personality and looks, so that's possibly why she prefers me, maybe he just isn't her type. I'm aware of maybe seeming a little arrogant (especially when I was talking to the mate about it)
She hasn't "found" someone else, as I said I don't think she likes him. That's just the sense I get from talking to her. I'm not 100% sure of course.
FeedTheGoat
Why don't you just wait until you've spoken to her...?
And what gig you going to ?
And what gig you going to ?
Hmmm.......
This could be weird then, if she likes you but doesn't know you like her, and your friend does like her, but so do you, and she ends up getting closer with your friend to show to you that she doesnt care, really, honestly, she's fine...hmm....could get messy.
Maybe you could just get to know her as a friend first, invite her and her mate out with your friends, etc, and suss the situation out.
And pass your mate's number on to Clarence.
This could be weird then, if she likes you but doesn't know you like her, and your friend does like her, but so do you, and she ends up getting closer with your friend to show to you that she doesnt care, really, honestly, she's fine...hmm....could get messy.
Maybe you could just get to know her as a friend first, invite her and her mate out with your friends, etc, and suss the situation out.
And pass your mate's number on to Clarence.
If she was a cool shirt or something and you knew your mate wanted it more than you, you would indeed be a bit of a bastard if you rushed off to snatch it before him.
However, people are different. The sad truth is that there is a chance that, whatever he does, the girl will never like him. What happens between you and the girl should be between you and the girl - if he's a mate he should understand that. No point getting territorial over something which wasn't yours to begin with.
However, people are different. The sad truth is that there is a chance that, whatever he does, the girl will never like him. What happens between you and the girl should be between you and the girl - if he's a mate he should understand that. No point getting territorial over something which wasn't yours to begin with.
clyn
Hmmm.......
This could be weird then, if she likes you but doesn't know you like her, and your friend does like her, but so do you, and she ends up getting closer with your friend to show to you that she doesnt care, really, honestly, she's fine...hmm....could get messy.
Maybe you could just get to know her as a friend first, invite her and her mate out with your friends, etc, and suss the situation out.
And pass your mate's number on to Clarence.
This could be weird then, if she likes you but doesn't know you like her, and your friend does like her, but so do you, and she ends up getting closer with your friend to show to you that she doesnt care, really, honestly, she's fine...hmm....could get messy.
Maybe you could just get to know her as a friend first, invite her and her mate out with your friends, etc, and suss the situation out.
And pass your mate's number on to Clarence.
Anonymous
The thing is, I've already kissed her and when she made contact with me I was positive back and flirty as well. Wouldn't she assume I'm interested because of that anyway?
Maybe she just thinks you're a man slag.
It depends on how you came across, if she's invited you out to this gig to suport her mate, it could be for a number of reasons. Maybe she's trying to show you it isn't awkward between you,
maybe she wants to show you how cool she is,
maybe she wants as many people as poss to see her mate DJ-ing because she's a nice person,
maybe she does like you,
maybe she just likes going to gigs,
maybe she wants to see how you react.
Do you like her? Or do you just relish the fact that someone's going for you over your mate?
What do you think?
Andronicus Comnenus
If she was a cool shirt or something and you knew your mate wanted it more than you, you would indeed be a bit of a bastard if you rushed off to snatch it before him.
However, people are different. The sad truth is that there is a chance that, whatever he does, the girl will never like him. What happens between you and the girl should be between you and the girl - if he's a mate he should understand that. No point getting territorial over something which wasn't yours to begin with.
However, people are different. The sad truth is that there is a chance that, whatever he does, the girl will never like him. What happens between you and the girl should be between you and the girl - if he's a mate he should understand that. No point getting territorial over something which wasn't yours to begin with.
I do find it a bit strange that he's still interested after me telling him that I kissed her. And that she invited me out twice.
Is it wrong to think that he's just trying to stop me from doing anything because he would be upset by it? As well as I know him I'm really not sure.
The other thing is that maybe he doesn't care that I kissed her, he likes her that much - I find that a little weird though that's all.
Your going to uni in 2 months
Is it worht pissing of a friend for a 2 month fling? (thats assuming you dont want / dont intend on getting into a relationship with her)
i'd say no. he probably wouldnt hold it against you though, because thats what blokes are like, and he probably wouldnt openly have issues about it. but lets be honest. if it was you, you'd be hurt. just because he says he's no bothered, doesnt mean he isnt.
Say things did hot up between you two, then what? Because then it would be mega awkward and your friend would be even more hurt etc etc.
Speaking to her might also not be the way to go, because if you do, she'll know the other guy likes her, and thus makes it even more awkward.
I say, if you want to go, then go, but just as friends, or if you do want more, let her make the moves, and don't talk to her about the other lad.
Is it worht pissing of a friend for a 2 month fling? (thats assuming you dont want / dont intend on getting into a relationship with her)
i'd say no. he probably wouldnt hold it against you though, because thats what blokes are like, and he probably wouldnt openly have issues about it. but lets be honest. if it was you, you'd be hurt. just because he says he's no bothered, doesnt mean he isnt.
Say things did hot up between you two, then what? Because then it would be mega awkward and your friend would be even more hurt etc etc.
Speaking to her might also not be the way to go, because if you do, she'll know the other guy likes her, and thus makes it even more awkward.
I say, if you want to go, then go, but just as friends, or if you do want more, let her make the moves, and don't talk to her about the other lad.
clyn
Maybe she just thinks you're a man slag.
It depends on how you came across, if she's invited you out to this gig to suport her mate, it could be for a number of reasons. Maybe she's trying to show you it isn't awkward between you,
maybe she wants to show you how cool she is,
maybe she wants as many people as poss to see her mate DJ-ing because she's a nice person,
maybe she does like you,
maybe she just likes going to gigs,
maybe she wants to see how you react.
Do you like her? Or do you just relish the fact that someone's going for you over your mate?
What do you think?
It depends on how you came across, if she's invited you out to this gig to suport her mate, it could be for a number of reasons. Maybe she's trying to show you it isn't awkward between you,
maybe she wants to show you how cool she is,
maybe she wants as many people as poss to see her mate DJ-ing because she's a nice person,
maybe she does like you,
maybe she just likes going to gigs,
maybe she wants to see how you react.
Do you like her? Or do you just relish the fact that someone's going for you over your mate?
What do you think?
I think it is partly because I feel a little inferior to him, maybe this is a petty way of scoring points. He is much more confident than me, and more successful (bad wording but you get what I mean) with girls. The same night I met this girl he was talking to 3 girls at once, and they all seemed interested. He even went home with them, nothing happened but he was into one of them I know. If it is just me acting out against this feeling of inferiority then it is a bit out of order of me, I'm really not sure...I think mostly it's that she showed interest in me, and I'm flattered.
I mean everyone likes attention from someone they fancy, I'm not alone in that.
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