French work experience essay help

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Ziael
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#1
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#1
Can someone please check my essasy and try to improve it please.

Bonjour!

En mon college, tous les eleves de troisieme ont fait un stage en entreprise au moins de Juin. J'ai eu de chance de trouver une place dans un cafe 'Costa'. J'ai fait mon stage dans un Truro/
Moi routine compose de je me reville a six heures et J'ai besoin du'etre a cafe a huit heures sonnates pour sortir la poubelle sentent vraiment mauvais. Le travail etait assez vaire. En un cafe, je prenais des commandes et je servais les clients mais Je me sentais comme si J'ai du etre au four et au moulin. Je me suis ennuye souvent.
J'aurais prefere travaille dans un cabinet medical comme avec un peu de chance j'etuderai la medicine a l'universite et serai riche quand je vais quitter mes etudes cependant mes parents trouvent qu'etait une experience positive.
Mon patron, le propitaire un cafe, etait tres timbre et completment allume cependant moi, je n'ai rien contre ca je pourais travailler bien au cafe. L'annee dernier j'ai volu que travailler dans un cabinet medical neamoins j'ai aime beaucoup mon stage en entreprise.Travailler dans in cafe fantastique. Travailler dans un cafe je dois que la regle la plus importante, c'est ecouter les clients.
Je obtenu une nouvelle perspective du monde reel de travaille j'ai aussi senti comme un vrai adulte et beaucoup plus matures. En plus, mon stage est bon pour mon curriculum vitae parce que les employeurs aiment les candidats avec experience de travaille
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lilixxx1000
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#2
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#2
Corrections in bold:

(Original post by Ziael)
Can someone please check my essasy and try to improve it please.

Bonjour! (is this really how you want to start an essay? or is it more like an informal letter?)

En À mon collège, tous les élèves de en troisième ont fait un stage en entreprise au moins de Juin. J'ai eu de la chance de trouver une place dans un café 'Costa'. J'ai fait mon stage dans un Truro (what does this mean?)
Moi Ma routine compose consistait de je me réveiller à six heures et J'ai car j'avais besoin du'etre au café à huit heures sonnates pour sortir la poubelle qui sentais vraiment mauvais. Le travail etait assez vair (this doesn't mean anything - if you mean varied then it's 'varié'). En un Dans le cafe, je prenais des commandes et je servais les clients et je me sentais comme si J'ai du devais être au four et au moulin. Je me suis beaucoup ennuyé souvent.
J'aurais préféré travailler dans un cabinet médical comme avec un peu de chance j'etuderai parce que j'aimeras étudier la médicine a l'université (et serai riche quand je vais quitter mes etudes - um...what? I suggest you take this bit out) Cependant, mes parents trouvent que s'était une expérience positive.
Mon patron, le propriétaire un du café, était très timbré et complètment allumé cependant selon moi (are you sure you want to put so much slang in an essay??) , je n'ai rien contre ca je pourais travailler bien au café (not sure what any of this is supposed to mean...) L'année dernière j'ai voulu que travailler dans un cabinet médical, néanmoins j'ai beaucoup aimé mon stage en entreprise (the first part of the sentence is kind of repeating what you said above the and second part is slightly contradicting how you said it was boring) .Travailler dans in cafe fantastique. (this sentence makes absolutely no sense, take it out). Travailler dans un cafe Je crois que la règle la plus importante quand on travaille dans un café, c'est d'écouter les clients.
J'ai obtenu une nouvelle perspective du monde réel du travaille, je me suis aussi senti comme un vrai adulte et beaucoup plus matures. En plus, mon stage est bien pour mon curriculum vitae parce que les employeurs aiment les candidats avec de l'expérience de travaille
Quite a lot of grammar mistakes, occasionally really random phrasing, some inappropriate language for an essay and no accents whatsoever...
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Jenn.
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#3
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#3
(Original post by lilixxx1000)
Corrections in bold:



Quite a lot of grammar mistakes, occasionally really random phrasing, some inappropriate language for an essay and no accents whatsoever...

"Les élèves de troisième" was right! I've just skimmed the text but your corrections seem good! :yy:
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lilixxx1000
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Jenn.)
"Les élèves de troisième" was right! I've just skimmed the text but your corrections seem good! :yy:
Oh yeah oops Don't know why I corrected that!
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Jenn.
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#5
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#5
(Original post by lilixxx1000)
Oh yeah oops Don't know why I corrected that!
Ahah, it's fine. Your French is really good, though! :yes:
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mannyq95
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Ziael)
Can someone please check my essasy and try to improve it please.

Bonjour!

En mon college, tous les eleves de troisieme ont fait un stage en entreprise au moins de Juin. J'ai eu de chance de trouver une place dans un cafe 'Costa'. J'ai fait mon stage dans un Truro/
Moi routine compose de je me reville a six heures et J'ai besoin du'etre a cafe a huit heures sonnates pour sortir la poubelle sentent vraiment mauvais. Le travail etait assez vaire. En un cafe, je prenais des commandes et je servais les clients mais Je me sentais comme si J'ai du etre au four et au moulin. Je me suis ennuye souvent.
J'aurais prefere travaille dans un cabinet medical comme avec un peu de chance j'etuderai la medicine a l'universite et serai riche quand je vais quitter mes etudes cependant mes parents trouvent qu'etait une experience positive.
Mon patron, le propitaire un cafe, etait tres timbre et completment allume cependant moi, je n'ai rien contre ca je pourais travailler bien au cafe. L'annee dernier j'ai volu que travailler dans un cabinet medical neamoins j'ai aime beaucoup mon stage en entreprise.Travailler dans in cafe fantastique. Travailler dans un cafe je dois que la regle la plus importante, c'est ecouter les clients.
Je obtenu une nouvelle perspective du monde reel de travaille j'ai aussi senti comme un vrai adulte et beaucoup plus matures. En plus, mon stage est bon pour mon curriculum vitae parce que les employeurs aiment les candidats avec experience de travaille
It wouldnt be tous les élève "de en"It should just be tous les élève en troisième.

Note: itsalso acceptable to say "tous les élève de la troisième" it's ever so slightly less formal but you use in situations where you're referring to your own school

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Jenn.
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#7
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#7
(Original post by mannyq95)
It wouldnt be tous les élève "de en"It should just be tous les élève en troisième.

Note: itsalso acceptable to say "tous les élève de la troisième" it's ever so slightly less formal but you use in situations where you're referring to your own school

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Not necessarily! You could say "Tous les élèves de la classe de troisième du Lycée Louis XV sont allés en voyage à Paris", for instance. It's not specifically referring to your own school.

To my ears, "de" is better than "en".
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mannyq95
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Jenn.)
Not necessarily! You could say "Tous les élèves de la classe de troisième du Lycée Louis XV sont allés en voyage à Paris", for instance. It's not specifically referring to your own school.
Ye that perfectly fine but I was referring to the "en" after the de

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Jenn.
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#9
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(Original post by mannyq95)
Ye that perfectly fine but I was referring to the "en" after the de

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After which "de"?


I think the first sentence should go as follows: "Dans mon collège, tous les élèves en troisième ont fait un voyage etc". You can either use "en" or "de" - it's good. :yes:
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mannyq95
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Jenn.)
After which "de"?
Oops quoted the wrong person haha 😄 was meant to quote Lilly1000xx 's correction apologies

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Jenn.
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#11
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#11
(Original post by mannyq95)
Oops quoted the wrong person haha ������ was meant to quit Lilly1000xx 's correction apologies

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It's all right.
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lilixxx1000
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Jenn.)
Ahah, it's fine. Your French is really good, though! :yes:
Thanks

My parents are French but it's my second language
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Jenn.
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#13
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(Original post by lilixxx1000)
Thanks

My parents are French but it's my second language

Wow, that's fantastic. So, you get to speak French very often, I guess (or is it mainly English at home)?

(I'm also French. )
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lilixxx1000
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Jenn.)
Wow, that's fantastic. So, you get to speak French very often, then (or is it mainly English at home)?

(I'm also French. )
Well it's quite complicated My mum is French (from Paris), my dad is Belgian (from the French-speaking part) but I was born in England and lived there for 12 years, so English is my first language. I always spoke English to my family although my mum would talk to me in French, but I would answer in English!
Then we moved to Geneva so my French improved a lot, I became practically fluent (although my reading & writing wasn't quite as good as my speaking & listening), and my accent pretty much disappeared. Now I'm at boarding school in England so my French is getting a little rusty and I can hear myself getting a little accent back but it isn't too bad!

Where in France are you from? Do you live there?
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lilixxx1000
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Jenn.)
Wow, that's fantastic. So, you get to speak French very often, I guess (or is it mainly English at home)?

(I'm also French. )
Sorry didn't really answer your question properly - now I speak to my mum and dad in a mixture of French and English - we like to call it Frenglish! But I still speak to my sister entirely in English - it's both of our first language
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mannyq95
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#16
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#16
Hello fellow frenchies haha

I was born in France as well
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Jenn.
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#17
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#17
(Original post by mannyq95)
Hello fellow frenchies haha

I was born in France as well
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So much frenchies here, haha.

(Original post by lilixxx1000)
Sorry didn't really answer your question properly - now I speak to my mum and dad in a mixture of French and English - we like to call it Frenglish! But I still speak to my sister entirely in English - it's both of our first language
That's so cool.

Yes, I do live in France and I've been living there for 14.5 years, I think. I'm 1-hour away from Lyon, one of the largest student cities in France.
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lilixxx1000
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Jenn.)
So much frenchies here, haha.



That's so cool.

Yes, I do live in France and I've been living there for 14.5 years, I think. I'm 1-hour away from Lyon, one of the largest student cities in France.
Oh that's really cool Yeah I know Lyon a bit I've got some extended family that live there I think. How old are you? Do you plan on studying in France or somewhere else?
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Jenn.
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#19
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#19
(Original post by lilixxx1000)
Oh that's really cool Yeah I know Lyon a bit I've got some extended family that live there I think. How old are you? Do you plan on studying in France or somewhere else?
I'm 17 (turning 18 in 2 weeks).
Well, I applied to some universities in France but would prefer going to the UK. And you? Have you ever thought about studying in France? (you are almost bilingual, right)
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mannyq95
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Jenn.)
So much frenchies here, haha.



That's so cool.

Yes, I do live in France and I've been living there for 14.5 years, I think. I'm 1-hour away from Lyon, one of the largest student cities in France.
See I'm from Grenoble so I know Lyon a bit

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