Friend is determined to go to the same university as me Watch

Anonymous #1
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Says it all above. And maybe you're thinking - 'Oh wow, how mean, how can he not want to go with his friend to university?'

Whilst in a big group of friends last Saturday, the friend asked me what universities I've applied to, and I told them, and they excitedly noticed we'd applied to two of the same. They then asked me what I'd put as firm and insurance, and I said I hadn't decided yet, and they sincerely asked that we sit down at some point and discuss which one we want to go to. To be honest, I was a little weirded out by this cause I want to go to university for my course and for the experience. I have an older brother, and I know from him that I may not be able to stay in touch with everyone, but I will try. I jokingly agreed, and that was that.

Then on Monday, they asked again, with our same big group of friends around. They asked me what universities I'd applied to, and asked again whether I had decided. I said no, I hadn't. They then explained their dilemma - it was between these two shared universities, but only because I had applied to them as well. They explained that University of X would be much better for their course, but if I was going to University of Y, they would change to stay with me. Of course everyone in the group is looking at me, and I happen to know other friends have applied to the same universities as this particular friend has. Obviously they're feeling a bit miffed that they are not the ones that are being posed this question. I know I would be.

How do I explain to them that they should not be picking a university based on whether or not their friend is going to it.... without sounding angsty?
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lilixxx1000
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Choose the course that's best for you, and the uni which is right for YOU. Do not base your decision on a friendship you might regret it later on. Just take the friend out of the picture, then choose your firm and insurance based only on other criteria. If you picked one or two of the ones the friend applied to then great, otherwise just kindly explain to them that you felt the other courses were much better for you, and that you'll still keep in contact.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lilixxx1000)
Choose the course that's best for you, and the uni which is right for YOU. Do not base your decision on a friendship you might regret it later on. Just take the friend out of the picture, then choose your firm and insurance based only on other criteria. If you picked one or two of the ones the friend applied to then great, otherwise just kindly explain to them that you felt the other courses were much better for you, and that you'll still keep in contact.
I'm not planning on making my choices based on friendships. If my friends are going to the same university as I am then that's great, but it's definitely not a deal breaker. I've asked my brother about this and he's said when I make my decision, withhold it from the friend, so that they don't know what one I've applied to and make the best decision for them. I'm just concerned that they are not thinking clearly. Thank you for your response
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lilixxx1000
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not planning on making my choices based on friendships. If my friends are going to the same university as I am then that's great, but it's definitely not a deal breaker. I've asked my brother about this and he's said when I make my decision, withhold it from the friend, so that they don't know what one I've applied to and make the best decision for them. I'm just concerned that they are not thinking clearly. Thank you for your response
I think that's a very good attitude to have towards it Good luck!
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Copycats&Acrobats
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Its probably best if you simply explain the importance of picking the right university and course for the individual person and point out that you'll always stay in touch with them and they can visit and everything or talk over Skype ect. Point out that they'll make new friends at university and a new life. This doesn't mean that you wont stay close to your old friends it just means your widening your horizons.
The problem with telling them you're going to a different uni is that they might pick that one when secretly they actually want to do to another one and then they'll be stuck at a uni they don't like, and alone.
And trust me, they'll be more angry and hurt if that happens then if you have the conversation with them.
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lipslikemorphine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Says it all above. And maybe you're thinking - 'Oh wow, how mean, how can he not want to go with his friend to university?'

Whilst in a big group of friends last Saturday, the friend asked me what universities I've applied to, and I told them, and they excitedly noticed we'd applied to two of the same. They then asked me what I'd put as firm and insurance, and I said I hadn't decided yet, and they sincerely asked that we sit down at some point and discuss which one we want to go to. To be honest, I was a little weirded out by this cause I want to go to university for my course and for the experience. I have an older brother, and I know from him that I may not be able to stay in touch with everyone, but I will try. I jokingly agreed, and that was that.

Then on Monday, they asked again, with our same big group of friends around. They asked me what universities I'd applied to, and asked again whether I had decided. I said no, I hadn't. They then explained their dilemma - it was between these two shared universities, but only because I had applied to them as well. They explained that University of X would be much better for their course, but if I was going to University of Y, they would change to stay with me. Of course everyone in the group is looking at me, and I happen to know other friends have applied to the same universities as this particular friend has. Obviously they're feeling a bit miffed that they are not the ones that are being posed this question. I know I would be.

How do I explain to them that they should not be picking a university based on whether or not their friend is going to it.... without sounding angsty?
Don't tell them which ones you've firmed. They will probably choose that one too and mess everything up for themselves.

Sit them down and tell them that they need to choose where to go based on their course not friendship. Its probably just anxiety over not knowing anyone at Uni and wanting to make sure that they have a familiar face.

Going to a uni just because your friends is going there is just stupid really.
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~ Aquamarine ~
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Is a bit silly of them, they should be choosing the one they like best as most likely you wouldn't be living with them or see them around as it's a big place. Just choose the one you like best and don't base your decision on what your friends want
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EmmaBxoxo
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Lol your friend seems like an idiot.

Don't tell him which one you firmed and take it from there.


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Copycats&Acrobats)
Its probably best if you simply explain the importance of picking the right university and course for the individual person and point out that you'll always stay in touch with them and they can visit and everything or talk over Skype ect. Point out that they'll make new friends at university and a new life. This doesn't mean that you wont stay close to your old friends it just means your widening your horizons.
The problem with telling them you're going to a different uni is that they might pick that one when secretly they actually want to do to another one and then they'll be stuck at a uni they don't like, and alone.
And trust me, they'll be more angry and hurt if that happens then if you have the conversation with them.

(Original post by lipslikemorphine)
Don't tell them which ones you've firmed. They will probably choose that one too and mess everything up for themselves.


Sit them down and tell them that they need to choose where to go based on their course not friendship. Its probably just anxiety over not knowing anyone at Uni and wanting to make sure that they have a familiar face.


Going to a uni just because your friends is going there is just stupid really.

Thank you for your replies and sorry for my late response. I don't really know how to say that to them, the 'don't pick your universities based on friendships' thing. I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth, so I'm scared of messing it up further. On the 'anxiety over not knowing anyone' front, he's told me beforehand that he has family in both University of X and University of Y's cities, so he wouldn't be alone, and he has now said that he can stay with family should rent get too high. He's determined to stay with me, and I don't know how to say that it's not the end of the world should we not go to the same university. Help please!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by EmmaBxoxo)
Lol your friend seems like an idiot.

Don't tell him which one you firmed and take it from there.


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The irony is that he is extremely clever, much cleverer than I am, but he makes poor decisions
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Anonymous #1
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Hi everyone, thank you for your replies. Just wanted to add a thing that happened today that concerned me a little bit.


I went to the University of X's applicant open day yesterday, and it was a day specific to people doing my course and it was really great, got a good sense of the university as a whole now.


I sat down for lunch today with all our friends and after a little while in the midst of general conversation the friend says to me 'So how was yesterday? I heard you went to the University of X.'


I reply 'Yeah it was good thank y-'


'Why didn't you tell me you were going? We could have gone together.'


'Um, it was a course specific open day.'
(we applied for different courses, very different, like Law and Chemistry)


'Well, I wouldn't have minded. We could have gone together and decided whether we liked it together.'


(I didn't say anything and everyone was looking at me, one or two gave me symapthetic looks)


'What did you like about it? Tell me everything.'


Thankfully someone interjected at that point with a funny story so I was saved. It's creeping me out a little now. My brother said I'll end up like a boy version of The Roommate.
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wozzle
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I can't really a offer much advice, except to say that if you end up at the same uni I'd be surprised if you saw eachother much.

I ended up going to the same uni as my best friend as I cleared and she missed out on her first choice. So wasn't aware planned and we were both worries about being there together. But we hardly ever saw each other at uni - we lived a mile away from each other but never went to each others halls. Occasionally I'd bump into her on the bus or at the gym. I think in the whole year we did 2 night snout together.

However when we were back home our friendship was just as close (if not closer).

So my advice is that if it happens, don't fret. Enjoy uni. Make new friends. Work hard and you can see him when you're home if you end up not seeing him at uni.

Not sure how useful this advice is :L sorry!


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EmmaBxoxo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The irony is that he is extremely clever, much cleverer than I am, but he makes poor decisions
Oh right.
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Student-95
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Just tell the person you picked two of the unis they didn't apply to. With you out the picture, they would make a decision based on which one was the best for their course.
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redferry
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone, thank you for your replies. Just wanted to add a thing that happened today that concerned me a little bit.


I went to the University of X's applicant open day yesterday, and it was a day specific to people doing my course and it was really great, got a good sense of the university as a whole now.


I sat down for lunch today with all our friends and after a little while in the midst of general conversation the friend says to me 'So how was yesterday? I heard you went to the University of X.'


I reply 'Yeah it was good thank y-'


'Why didn't you tell me you were going? We could have gone together.'


'Um, it was a course specific open day.'
(we applied for different courses, very different, like Law and Chemistry)


'Well, I wouldn't have minded. We could have gone together and decided whether we liked it together.'


(I didn't say anything and everyone was looking at me, one or two gave me symapthetic looks)


'What did you like about it? Tell me everything.'


Thankfully someone interjected at that point with a funny story so I was saved. It's creeping me out a little now. My brother said I'll end up like a boy version of The Roommate.
Man this guy sounds nuts. I really would speak to him about it you don't want him following you around your whole life.
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Jaegon Targaryen
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OP are you a girl by any chance ? Would explain it all tbh,

Ok it seems your a guy , tbh if I was in this situation I would sit this clingy ***** down and get it in his head that its better for both of you if you choose your uni based on whats best for you as individuals , and tell him that your going to do your best to keep in contact.
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Baron of Sealand
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not planning on making my choices based on friendships. If my friends are going to the same university as I am then that's great, but it's definitely not a deal breaker. I've asked my brother about this and he's said when I make my decision, withhold it from the friend, so that they don't know what one I've applied to and make the best decision for them. I'm just concerned that they are not thinking clearly. Thank you for your response
I agree with him.

You can tell them you already have made a decision but shall not tell them because you do not want to affect their decision.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by wozzle)
I can't really a offer much advice, except to say that if you end up at the same uni I'd be surprised if you saw eachother much.

I ended up going to the same uni as my best friend as I cleared and she missed out on her first choice. So wasn't aware planned and we were both worries about being there together. But we hardly ever saw each other at uni - we lived a mile away from each other but never went to each others halls. Occasionally I'd bump into her on the bus or at the gym. I think in the whole year we did 2 night snout together.

However when we were back home our friendship was just as close (if not closer).

So my advice is that if it happens, don't fret. Enjoy uni. Make new friends. Work hard and you can see him when you're home if you end up not seeing him at uni.

Not sure how useful this advice is :L sorry!


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I've heard that from other people, and obviously there's gonna be guys going to University of X and Y from my school anyway and our paths may never cross there, but at least we'll still be friends outside of uni. That was a really long sentence. And thank you for replying
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Student-95)
Just tell the person you picked two of the unis they didn't apply to. With you out the picture, they would make a decision based on which one was the best for their course.
I like that idea. I just shake my head at the thought that he'd throw away the best uni for his course just for a familiar face. Thank you for replying.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by redferry)
Man this guy sounds nuts. I really would speak to him about it you don't want him following you around your whole life.
Nuts? Maybe. Committed? Definitely. But what do I say without sounding cold?
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