Guys, would you stay with a girl if you found out she self harmed in the past?Watch
If you found scars or she told you would it freak you out? What about if she still did it?
If she still did it, it would be hard because I really don't think I'm the right person to be a relationship with someone who is mentally ill, my empathy is awful, but I'd feel like a terrible person if I didn't. So dunno.
I couldn't stay with someone out of pity, that's just plain wrong and dishonest.
What would I do if she self harmed again at any point when we're together? I'd fear that I'd be completely useless and a waste of space.
Self harm is nothing to look upon in disgust or anything of the sort.
Self harm is serious and people are brought to it as a means of escape, they are brought to it through many reasons. If you are with the girl, you have accepted them for everything that have been, are and ever will be. So if you found out they had and left, you'd be a complete **** and that girl did not deserve you in any way possible.
Sure, to found out might knock you back and shock you - especially if you've never really experienced self harm up close - but if you just talk to the person, you can get to a point where you understand. It may not be the way you would have handled things, but you can't judge the person you are with, not at all.
If you had found out they used to self harm, then more than anything they deserve your respect, support, care and love and let them know how proud you are because if they are still round and doing better, then that it's good. They manage to overcome the problems in their lives that were bringing them down.
Seriously, I've delt with countless friends and family members that have self harmed, I've watched them do it in crowded rooms, when they are on their own and at various other times and various other reasons. It's all down to the person at hand, leaving them will make them feel alone and make them ten times worse.
You could never do that to a person, especially not to a girl you are with.
I understand that people don't understand self harm and can be scared about it because they feel they may be useless to the person, but more than anything, they need you. You don't have to know what to do, just be there. They just need you to be there. To talk to.
- Study Helper
I would stay with someone if they self-harmed in the past because, whilst never a self-harmer myself, I've been treated for major depressive disorder in the past. So, to that extent it wouldn't affect me if I found out a partner was going through anything like that because I can kinda empathize with them on some level.
That said I'd need to make them aware of my own situation and that in the past I have found others self-harm triggering in myself and if that happened I would, obviously, have no choice but to end it.
Although it is understood that he would have trouble staying with me if I were to ever self-harm now. And I'm ok with that.