Serious question: I am 20, do I have any REAL obligation towards my family?
Should I live a lie to satisfy others or do I have the right to be who I am regardless of their absolute lack of acceptance or even threats of disowning me?
There are so many things that are wrong with my family (maybe this is the case with most others, I don't know) that I would run a long list if I listed them. I absolutely dislike who they are and want to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like them.
Have left home when I was young but I still have this feeling of 'guilt' and hatred (whenever I am around them or thinking about their life) at giving up my family in order to truly reach towards my ideals. I know that that it is irrational and I have used critical reasoning to convince myself rightly that I made the best decision ultimately.
How do I get rid of these feelings and move on and enjoy life by including people that I actually choose and have a better emotional connection with?
There are so many things that are wrong with my family (maybe this is the case with most others, I don't know) that I would run a long list if I listed them. I absolutely dislike who they are and want to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like them.
Have left home when I was young but I still have this feeling of 'guilt' and hatred (whenever I am around them or thinking about their life) at giving up my family in order to truly reach towards my ideals. I know that that it is irrational and I have used critical reasoning to convince myself rightly that I made the best decision ultimately.
How do I get rid of these feelings and move on and enjoy life by including people that I actually choose and have a better emotional connection with?
Imo if your family loved you, looked after you, protected you, respected you and so on then yes, you would have a responsibility to return that love and kindness to them as an adult
If however they are as terrible as they say then no, having a biological connection does not make them family in the relational sense of the word
If however they are as terrible as they say then no, having a biological connection does not make them family in the relational sense of the word
Original post by Anonymous
Should I live a lie to satisfy others or do I have the right to be who I am regardless of their absolute lack of acceptance or even threats of disowning me?
There are so many things that are wrong with my family (maybe this is the case with most others, I don't know) that I would run a long list if I listed them. I absolutely dislike who they are and want to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like them.
Have left home when I was young but I still have this feeling of 'guilt' and hatred (whenever I am around them or thinking about their life) at giving up my family in order to truly reach towards my ideals. I know that that it is irrational and I have used critical reasoning to convince myself rightly that I made the best decision ultimately.
How do I get rid of these feelings and move on and enjoy life by including people that I actually choose and have a better emotional connection with?
There are so many things that are wrong with my family (maybe this is the case with most others, I don't know) that I would run a long list if I listed them. I absolutely dislike who they are and want to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like them.
Have left home when I was young but I still have this feeling of 'guilt' and hatred (whenever I am around them or thinking about their life) at giving up my family in order to truly reach towards my ideals. I know that that it is irrational and I have used critical reasoning to convince myself rightly that I made the best decision ultimately.
How do I get rid of these feelings and move on and enjoy life by including people that I actually choose and have a better emotional connection with?
i don't much help i can offer... but i just wanted to say i'm going through the same problem
it's a tough life to be going through and i feel for you, send me a PM if you ever want to
Original post by Riku
Imo if your family loved you, looked after you, protected you, respected you and so on then yes, you would have a responsibility to return that love and kindness to them as an adult
If however they are as terrible as they say then no, having a biological connection does not make them family in the relational sense of the word
If however they are as terrible as they say then no, having a biological connection does not make them family in the relational sense of the word
would you say this is the same for a stepmother?
after she continuously (but never intentionally) used to put my real mum in disgust for the past 11 yrs, i get the feeling that i would rather just ignore her for the rest of my life
Original post by Infinity_4652
would you say this is the same for a stepmother?
after she continuously (but never intentionally) used to put my real mum in disgust for the past 11 yrs, i get the feeling that i would rather just ignore her for the rest of my life
after she continuously (but never intentionally) used to put my real mum in disgust for the past 11 yrs, i get the feeling that i would rather just ignore her for the rest of my life
Very tricky one. 'continuously but never intentionally'? How does that work?
Original post by Riku
Very tricky one. 'continuously but never intentionally'? How does that work?
she basically gets angry with me when i do something wrong (like hoovering too quickly and not doing the laundry to her standards) and then she takes her anger out on me by using such words against my real mum
...before she used to physically hit me, but then my aunty stopped her doing it like 4 months ago
so it's her anger management
Yes, you have an obligation towards your parents, imo. Regardless of the way they treat you, they brought you into this world.
Original post by Keyenesian
Yes, you have an obligation towards your parents, imo. Regardless of the way they treat you, they brought you into this world.
Wow, why would I have an obligation to something that I did not consent for? There are so many things that I dislike about my life that I cannot change due to their genetic nature. They put me at a disadvantage if I truly analyse them.
My parents did not even have the real financial capacity to bring up a truly healthy child in a good environment.
How do I rationalise around this? I am not just going to accept that because 'they brought me into the world' and 'took care of me' - although at a mediocre level and not even properly due to lack of resources - then I am automatically obliged to have anything to do with them as an adult.
I believe that no one should have children until they seriously look at themselves genetically and financially to ensure that offspring are not put at a disadvantage in the long-term. It's disgusting to just have children to propagate an already over-populated world; we are not in the Middle Ages... or times where population levels were very low.
I am going overboard and off topic but I really dislike my parents for improper and unintelligent child planning.
Sorry if someone who likes their parents read this, but I am just looking at this from a logical and critical perspective. No need to hide the undesirable truth here.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow, why would I have an obligation to something that I did not consent for? There are so many things that I dislike about my life that I cannot change due to their genetic nature. They put me at a disadvantage if I truly analyse them.
My parents did not even have the real financial capacity to bring up a truly healthy child in a good environment.
How do I rationalise around this? I am not just going to accept that because 'they brought me into the world' and 'took care of me' - although at a mediocre level and not even properly due to lack of resources - then I am automatically obliged to have anything to do with them as an adult.
I believe that no one should have children until they seriously look at themselves genetically and financially to ensure that offspring are not put at a disadvantage in the long-term. It's disgusting to just have children to propagate an already over-populated world; we are not in the Middle Ages... or times where population levels were very low.
I am going overboard and off topic but I really dislike my parents for improper and unintelligent child planning.
Sorry if someone who likes their parents read this, but I am just looking at this from a logical and critical perspective. No need to hide the undesirable truth here.
My parents did not even have the real financial capacity to bring up a truly healthy child in a good environment.
How do I rationalise around this? I am not just going to accept that because 'they brought me into the world' and 'took care of me' - although at a mediocre level and not even properly due to lack of resources - then I am automatically obliged to have anything to do with them as an adult.
I believe that no one should have children until they seriously look at themselves genetically and financially to ensure that offspring are not put at a disadvantage in the long-term. It's disgusting to just have children to propagate an already over-populated world; we are not in the Middle Ages... or times where population levels were very low.
I am going overboard and off topic but I really dislike my parents for improper and unintelligent child planning.
Sorry if someone who likes their parents read this, but I am just looking at this from a logical and critical perspective. No need to hide the undesirable truth here.
You sound like an absolutely arrogant overly self-entitled bellend. (Give me a card - I don't care).
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
Original post by Anonymous
Should I live a lie to satisfy others or do I have the right to be who I am regardless of their absolute lack of acceptance or even threats of disowning me?
There are so many things that are wrong with my family (maybe this is the case with most others, I don't know) that I would run a long list if I listed them. I absolutely dislike who they are and want to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like them.
Have left home when I was young but I still have this feeling of 'guilt' and hatred (whenever I am around them or thinking about their life) at giving up my family in order to truly reach towards my ideals. I know that that it is irrational and I have used critical reasoning to convince myself rightly that I made the best decision ultimately.
How do I get rid of these feelings and move on and enjoy life by including people that I actually choose and have a better emotional connection with?
There are so many things that are wrong with my family (maybe this is the case with most others, I don't know) that I would run a long list if I listed them. I absolutely dislike who they are and want to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like them.
Have left home when I was young but I still have this feeling of 'guilt' and hatred (whenever I am around them or thinking about their life) at giving up my family in order to truly reach towards my ideals. I know that that it is irrational and I have used critical reasoning to convince myself rightly that I made the best decision ultimately.
How do I get rid of these feelings and move on and enjoy life by including people that I actually choose and have a better emotional connection with?
I know exactly how you feel. My family is crazy. And when I mean crazy, I mean it. Everyone in my family is mortal enemies with each other, which is ridiculous and have fights over stupid things. I myself do not want to end up like my mother, living on benefits and thinking that the world should worship her, being manipulative of everyone and thinking that everyone owes her some sort of right to be the way she is.
My biggest revelation was when she kicked me out onto the streets. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It didn't seem like it at the time because I was homeless, but it was a blessing in disguise. I don't speak to her now and I'm better off for it.
That is my advice I give to you. If they don't respect your ideals, they don't respect you, so don't give them the time of day until they realise what they have done and change their ways. If they do not do so, don't think about it and move on with your life.
The thing that really helped me was finding a boyfriend that loves me, helps and pushes me to achieve what I want, and a true best friend who is there for me. If you surround yourself with people that accept you and respect you, you won't even think about your family, and it will be an easier ride.
It wont be easy. I too went through the times of guilt and hatred, feeling that what I was doing was wrong, and often contemplated going back. But again, being without their presence is a blessing in disguise and you will better off. The reason why you feel guilt is due to manipulation on your families part, that being without them will hurt you in the long run, which is false. You've just got to ignore it and move on.
Original post by Xyloid
You sound like an absolutely arrogant overly self-entitled bellend. (Give me a card - I don't care).
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
Would you say that every child has some obligations towards his/her parents?
Original post by Xyloid
You sound like an absolutely arrogant overly self-entitled bellend. (Give me a card - I don't care).
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
Original post by Xyloid
You sound like an absolutely arrogant overly self-entitled bellend. (Give me a card - I don't care).
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
The point is that you're 20 years old and your parents must have done something right otherwise you wouldn't be here right now.
They've spent thousands and pounds and hours of their lives raising you and then at the age of 20 you question whether or not you should feel in any way obligated towards them at all ?
You want to move on an enjoy a life ? Oh which one do you mean ? The one which they gave you ?
I despise people like you.
No, they've just raised me on benefit money because my mother can't be arsed to find works and finds excuses all the time.
I've lived in the crappest neighborhoods and went to the worst schools because of her laziness or apparent illnesses. I care less either way - the point is that my childhood was not bright because of either genetic or financial constraints.
Well, my mother has clearly stated that she wants me 'by her side' and a 'pillar' for her - so it was all obviously not unconditional. I am also receiving threats of being disowned due to differences in religious and cultural beliefs etc.
I am not really enjoying life. Not as much as the rich kid or the child who had educated parents who knew about child planning and understood that having children is a duty which should never be taken lightly. You're making society and the world as a whole worse off if you do not plan well or have children for the sake of 'been there, done that' as is often in non-white, especially asian, ethnic groups in the UK.
Original post by Anonymous
X
Unfortunately for you, I know who you are.
I've had a look through your threads and as far as I can tell (whilst I won't disclose anything here out of respect for the anon) - my suspicions of your over-entitled nature are pretty much confirmed.
You're doing far better than a lot of people in the UK and world are at the moment buddy. Appreciate it, because without your parents you undoubtedly would be worse off.
Original post by Xyloid
Unfortunately for you, I know who you are.
I've had a look through your threads and as far as I can tell (whilst I won't disclose anything here out of respect for the anon) - my suspicions of your over-entitled nature are pretty much confirmed.
You're doing far better than a lot of people in the UK and world are at the moment buddy. Appreciate it, because without your parents you undoubtedly would be worse off.
I've had a look through your threads and as far as I can tell (whilst I won't disclose anything here out of respect for the anon) - my suspicions of your over-entitled nature are pretty much confirmed.
You're doing far better than a lot of people in the UK and world are at the moment buddy. Appreciate it, because without your parents you undoubtedly would be worse off.
Yes, and guess what? The world is a **** place overall. Why look at the ****ty and create more of it when prevention is much better?
Why do you say that I am doing better than people in the UK? That is unwarranted.
The world - possibly: it depends on what level you stoop down towards.
Don't place your low circumstances on others.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, and guess what? The world is a **** place overall. Why look at the ****ty and create more of it when prevention is much better?
Why do you say that I am doing better than people in the UK? That is unwarranted.
The world - possibly: it depends on what level you stoop down towards.
Don't place your low circumstances on others.
Why do you say that I am doing better than people in the UK? That is unwarranted.
The world - possibly: it depends on what level you stoop down towards.
Don't place your low circumstances on others.
I'm doing very well for myself actually but well done on your attempted childish dig.
The difference is I consider myself very lucky to be able to have been brought up in the UK, have attended a good University in a major city and have good prospects lined up and don't feel i'm obligated to receive any of this. There are people in third world countries who would give a leg in exchange for what I've got so would many people in the UK. There are things I resent my parents for but I'd never be disrespectful enough to even postulate whether or not I had any obligations towards them.
You on the other hand are just a jumped up arrogant little kid who believes the world owes him everything. And when you obtain all the things you fancy in the future, you'll find a fresh set of things to want and moan about not having. Then you'll try to find someone to blame like your parents for not putting you in a good enough financial situation or some crap that would enable you to obtain it a bit easier just because you've seen one of your friends parents do it for them. I've known people like you.
Grow up you child.
No, you don't have any responsibility to 'pay them back', so to speak. They chose to raise you, and they did not do it on the basis of an agreement that you'd owe them anything.
If you want my advice, it's your life and not someone else's, so live it to please yourself. If something would please someone else but ultimately not please you then why would you want to do it?
If you want my advice, it's your life and not someone else's, so live it to please yourself. If something would please someone else but ultimately not please you then why would you want to do it?
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- marriage
- Oxford Colleges Mini Fridges allowed?
- Is being single forever a bad idea?
- Should I pay off my student loan ASAP?
- My first year of Ramadan but GCSE's are near
- How hard is it to get allocated council housing?
- i took off my hijab, family is crazy
- Does doing a part time masters put you at a disadvantage?
- Islam - knowledge help
- English language paper 2 qs5
- Autism
- Asylum seeker dies on bibby Stockholm barge
- Does a internal suspension 1 day affect me in the long run
- Are you still a virgin?
- muslim marriage advice
- White/Asian Guy in interracial relationship w/ British Bengali Girl 21y/o
- AQA A Level Sociology Paper 2 (7192/2) - 9th June [Exam Chat]
- Students accused of rape at university bringing lawyers to hearings
- Ok I need real life help. I’m really going thru it.
- Is there anything more attractive than a guy who takes mirror selfies?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
