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family and the green eyed monster!
There has always been a lot of competition in my family, particularly between my mum and her older sister (my aunt). The annoying thing is, its passed down and encouraged between me and my cousins and its starting to get on my nerves a lot.
I am 18 and my aunt's daughters are 20 and 21. None of them are very academic and the whole of their family are constantly getting at me because I like learning and get good grades. Once at a birthday party my uncle was really rude to me, calling me a 'geek' and saying I have no friends compared to his daughters. I am by no means a geek - ive always balanced college work with a social life so this annoyed me.
I can tell they slag me off behind my back. Once we were round there and my aunt asked what I plan to do at uni and I told her I wanted to do English Lit and my cousin was like "oh, thats impressive. We all speak english anyway." in a really sarcastic way, then she sort of looked at her parents and they were all smug and smiley about it.
I'm so sick of it. Its my life and my business and they all seem to have an opinion on it. Yesterday my oldest cousin came round with my aunt and announced that she was going to start an open uni course in business (bit of a coincidence that shes decided this the year i start my degree) and then my aunt starting gushing about how talented she is and how wonderful she is at languages (I studied all languages at A Level). Then they implied that I'd probably forget all my lanuage vocab etc even though I said i planned to continue it at uni.
Im fed up with it. I need high grades to get to uni and I know theyll be really gleeful if I dont get in. Any ideas on how to get them to stop the stupid little digs?
I am 18 and my aunt's daughters are 20 and 21. None of them are very academic and the whole of their family are constantly getting at me because I like learning and get good grades. Once at a birthday party my uncle was really rude to me, calling me a 'geek' and saying I have no friends compared to his daughters. I am by no means a geek - ive always balanced college work with a social life so this annoyed me.
I can tell they slag me off behind my back. Once we were round there and my aunt asked what I plan to do at uni and I told her I wanted to do English Lit and my cousin was like "oh, thats impressive. We all speak english anyway." in a really sarcastic way, then she sort of looked at her parents and they were all smug and smiley about it.
I'm so sick of it. Its my life and my business and they all seem to have an opinion on it. Yesterday my oldest cousin came round with my aunt and announced that she was going to start an open uni course in business (bit of a coincidence that shes decided this the year i start my degree) and then my aunt starting gushing about how talented she is and how wonderful she is at languages (I studied all languages at A Level). Then they implied that I'd probably forget all my lanuage vocab etc even though I said i planned to continue it at uni.
Im fed up with it. I need high grades to get to uni and I know theyll be really gleeful if I dont get in. Any ideas on how to get them to stop the stupid little digs?
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God, behaviour like this is so annoying, because the best way to deal with them is to ignore them, yet you just want to give them a piece of your mind!
dont give in to their digs though. they obviously are trying to disconcert you, ie mentioning the open uni course etc, just be very polite and encouraging (without going OTT!) as this will flummox them- they want you to be threatened and guarded so do the opposite! show them their negative opinions of you bounce off you and dont affect you in the least! good luck
dont give in to their digs though. they obviously are trying to disconcert you, ie mentioning the open uni course etc, just be very polite and encouraging (without going OTT!) as this will flummox them- they want you to be threatened and guarded so do the opposite! show them their negative opinions of you bounce off you and dont affect you in the least! good luck
Anonymous
There has always been a lot of competition in my family, particularly between my mum and her older sister (my aunt). The annoying thing is, its passed down and encouraged between me and my cousins and its starting to get on my nerves a lot.
I am 18 and my aunt's daughters are 20 and 21. None of them are very academic and the whole of their family are constantly getting at me because I like learning and get good grades. Once at a birthday party my uncle was really rude to me, calling me a 'geek' and saying I have no friends compared to his daughters. I am by no means a geek - ive always balanced college work with a social life so this annoyed me.
I can tell they slag me off behind my back. Once we were round there and my aunt asked what I plan to do at uni and I told her I wanted to do English Lit and my cousin was like "oh, thats impressive. We all speak english anyway." in a really sarcastic way, then she sort of looked at her parents and they were all smug and smiley about it.
I'm so sick of it. Its my life and my business and they all seem to have an opinion on it. Yesterday my oldest cousin came round with my aunt and announced that she was going to start an open uni course in business (bit of a coincidence that shes decided this the year i start my degree) and then my aunt starting gushing about how talented she is and how wonderful she is at languages (I studied all languages at A Level). Then they implied that I'd probably forget all my lanuage vocab etc even though I said i planned to continue it at uni.
Im fed up with it. I need high grades to get to uni and I know theyll be really gleeful if I dont get in. Any ideas on how to get them to stop the stupid little digs?
I am 18 and my aunt's daughters are 20 and 21. None of them are very academic and the whole of their family are constantly getting at me because I like learning and get good grades. Once at a birthday party my uncle was really rude to me, calling me a 'geek' and saying I have no friends compared to his daughters. I am by no means a geek - ive always balanced college work with a social life so this annoyed me.
I can tell they slag me off behind my back. Once we were round there and my aunt asked what I plan to do at uni and I told her I wanted to do English Lit and my cousin was like "oh, thats impressive. We all speak english anyway." in a really sarcastic way, then she sort of looked at her parents and they were all smug and smiley about it.
I'm so sick of it. Its my life and my business and they all seem to have an opinion on it. Yesterday my oldest cousin came round with my aunt and announced that she was going to start an open uni course in business (bit of a coincidence that shes decided this the year i start my degree) and then my aunt starting gushing about how talented she is and how wonderful she is at languages (I studied all languages at A Level). Then they implied that I'd probably forget all my lanuage vocab etc even though I said i planned to continue it at uni.
Im fed up with it. I need high grades to get to uni and I know theyll be really gleeful if I dont get in. Any ideas on how to get them to stop the stupid little digs?
Yeah, just be nice and polite to them, It'll confuse their tiny mollusc brains. Personally I don't understant the point of English Literature. What can you get out of a degree in English literature? But anyway, so what if we already speak English. Tell them what you hope to get out of studying it. A deeper understanding of then feelings expressed in poetry by the use of enhanced vocabulary i.e. 'It was a clandescent voyage' compared to 'it was an nice voyage.' Ask your cousin what kind of business she would like to enter into.
Anonymous
Im fed up with it. I need high grades to get to uni and I know theyll be really gleeful if I dont get in. Any ideas on how to get them to stop the stupid little digs?
You're obviously good at what you do. Put your focus into that, and don't worry about what anyone else does.
An OU course can take an awful long time. Do you think they will be able to stick it out? Perhaps not, but only time will tell. After all, you did say that they weren't very academic, so perhaps they won't be very committed.
Even if they do finish the course they will be an awful lot older than you when they finish their degree. They will also have missed out on all the other stuff you gain from actually going to a university.
matt@internet
Yeah, just be nice and polite to them, It'll confuse their tiny mollusc brains. Personally I don't understant the point of English Literature. What can you get out of a degree in English literature? But anyway, so what if we already speak English. Tell them what you hope to get out of studying it. A deeper understanding of then feelings expressed in poetry by the use of enhanced vocabulary i.e. 'It was a clandescent voyage' compared to 'it was an nice voyage.' Ask your cousin what kind of business she would like to enter into.
Hmm...well I think English Language has a lot less point to it that Literature. I can understand Literature a lot more - I mean, it's not just literally about the language involved, but what the language can amount to and what lurks behind the text (am clearly not an English Lit student and am very vague
).Anyhow, I am inclined to disagree with what most of the posts above have said. If your aunt and cousins are clearly going out of their way to belittle and bad-mouth you, fight fire with fire. Point out all their weaknesses in a subtle-but-not-subtle-at-all sort of way. Hey, it might be immature but...they started it
Seriously though, if they keep it up - do that.
Laika
Just politely inform them that they are dead-end morons.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't see the point in English lit either, for me. I wouldn't do it. But if you would, then great. You probably wouldn't do maths. Realise it's the right decision for you, and after you've got that far, well, **** 'em, they can think what they like. I agree with Laika.
Best thing to do? Work hard and play hard, you know you'll be rewarded for your work. Reading the first couple of lines, I thought you will go on to say that they are more academic and make fun of you because you aren't. That would be harder. Convince yourself that they don't know first thing about you and your life (they don't) and do your own thing and be happy about it. They can make jokes about your degree or interests or whatever, but could they make jokes about you being happy? So that's your goal now Good luck!
Good luck!
English literature is a lot more respectable than a business studies degree. Business degrees are a joke and absolutely useless, what exactly can you do with it? Its not like you need a degree in BS to start your own business. Its all just a load of BS.
Take pride in what you do and tell anyone that puts you down to f*** right off.
Take pride in what you do and tell anyone that puts you down to f*** right off.
Oh just ignore them, they are probably slagging you off because you have got what they haven't got, anyway whys this thread titled green eyed monster
matt@internet
Yeah, just be nice and polite to them, It'll confuse their tiny mollusc brains
I think this point is the best advice
Being nice and polite makes you the bigger person, and will confuse the hell out of them. There is a lot of jealousy and competition from my sister towards me. She's two years younger than me, and she is always trying to pull me down and have digs at every opportunity.
It got to the point where I'd retaliate and we'd scream and shout and say disgusting insulting things to each other, and one day it just dawned on me that if it didn't stop, our relationship would be beyond repair.
So I actively made a decision to rise above it, and it was so hard for the first few months because she took my silence as conceeding to her, and she used this as an excuse to insult to even more. However she got bored, and now we may be approaching friends....
Sometimes you just have to rise above it - it is jealousy, use this as a comfort... they just wish they were as intelligent, sorted and fabulous as you
JayEm
Its from the phrase "Green with envy..."
Actually it's from the phrase, "beware, my lord, of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on" from Shakespeare's Othello. Used, I believe, by Iago in reference to Othello.
Although Sappho used 'green' to describe what a stricken lover looked like, so the idea of greenness combined with jealousy originated with the Greeks. But 'green-eyed monster' definitely originates in Shakespeare.
That's why I'm doing Eng Lit at uni... so I can know stuff like that.
To be perfectly frank my friend quality speaks for itself.
In my experience jealousy and competetiveness takes root in people who feel that they themselves are inferior and so must put on a front of superiority in order to restore their own self confidence. This is often projected onto other generations of a given family. It sounds like your aunt etc are all dullards and hate to see themselves being 'one-upped'.
These people seem to need to broadcast minor achievements for recognition but are in reality mundane and boring individuals with inferiority complexes. Boasting or being arrogant shows an insecurity in a persons conscious and takes away from any achievement in my opinion. Much better someone else notice how good you are than telling them that you're good.
I am the single most uncompetetive person you'll ever meet. Granted, I've always enjoyed sports and doing well at school/college but have never had that competetive streak. And don't take it for smugness it's not even self confidence. It just is.
What you should do, since you sound like a bright (though frustrated person) is use your wit when you're around these people. Never rise to it and don't ever say 'well actually' but instead let the course and your learning speak for itself. You don't even need confidence. There is no need to be arrogant in this World at all and people will notice how good you are. This will be true of your aunt and cousins.
And for one thing, Englist Lit is a much better respected course than Business Studies mate and I'm sure your aunt knows this. My advice is not 'not to let it get to you' but actually be above that.. take notice and offer a fitting rejoinder but have that belief in yourself (again not confidence or arrogance) that what they say is just water off a ducks back. Don't ever show it gets to you (it really shouldn't get to you anyway is my point). Eventually, it just won't get to you because you will know in yourself what you are capable of and how good you are.
Just make sure you're in a top job before your aunt loses touch or something!
Edit: BUT! Before you actually become apathetic towards your aunt's opinion of your course bear in mind that your motivation should never be because you want to be better because of them. Be better because YOU want to be better. Learn and enjoy it, improve little things about yourself such as your spoken word and cultivate yourself. Be the best you can be, not for their sakes but for your own.
In my experience jealousy and competetiveness takes root in people who feel that they themselves are inferior and so must put on a front of superiority in order to restore their own self confidence. This is often projected onto other generations of a given family. It sounds like your aunt etc are all dullards and hate to see themselves being 'one-upped'.
These people seem to need to broadcast minor achievements for recognition but are in reality mundane and boring individuals with inferiority complexes. Boasting or being arrogant shows an insecurity in a persons conscious and takes away from any achievement in my opinion. Much better someone else notice how good you are than telling them that you're good.
I am the single most uncompetetive person you'll ever meet. Granted, I've always enjoyed sports and doing well at school/college but have never had that competetive streak. And don't take it for smugness it's not even self confidence. It just is.
What you should do, since you sound like a bright (though frustrated person) is use your wit when you're around these people. Never rise to it and don't ever say 'well actually' but instead let the course and your learning speak for itself. You don't even need confidence. There is no need to be arrogant in this World at all and people will notice how good you are. This will be true of your aunt and cousins.
And for one thing, Englist Lit is a much better respected course than Business Studies mate and I'm sure your aunt knows this. My advice is not 'not to let it get to you' but actually be above that.. take notice and offer a fitting rejoinder but have that belief in yourself (again not confidence or arrogance) that what they say is just water off a ducks back. Don't ever show it gets to you (it really shouldn't get to you anyway is my point). Eventually, it just won't get to you because you will know in yourself what you are capable of and how good you are.
Just make sure you're in a top job before your aunt loses touch or something!
Edit: BUT! Before you actually become apathetic towards your aunt's opinion of your course bear in mind that your motivation should never be because you want to be better because of them. Be better because YOU want to be better. Learn and enjoy it, improve little things about yourself such as your spoken word and cultivate yourself. Be the best you can be, not for their sakes but for your own.
laugh in their faces. it annoys them like nothing else...
Use thier agression toward focus on it. Everytime you feel you cant cope with the coursework imagine how they will look when you walk away with a degree.
And when you do give them a smug finger and tell them F off
And when you do give them a smug finger and tell them F off
I have this problem, only its not my cousins or aunt and uncle causing the rivalry its my grandparents, boasting to each respective family about what the other has done and saying "so and so has done this", or "so and so has got these grades. its annoying because my cousing got three a's at a level last tear and i know im not so it'll be like a big huge dissapointment because im predicted aab, but its not like my grandparents can do any better or know what a levels are like, its rly annoying, but if you just forget about it, disregard their opinion and just think you;re doing what you;re doing for yourself, you'll be ok, its works for me most of the time.
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