What do you argue about in a relationship?
I am an extremely passive guy and haven't been in a relationship.
I was wondering, what are the stuff you argue about with your gf/bf and what were the ones that killed past relationships?
Because I swear to God, if I got in a relationship with someone, I just don't know how we would break up because I never argue.
I was wondering, what are the stuff you argue about with your gf/bf and what were the ones that killed past relationships?
Because I swear to God, if I got in a relationship with someone, I just don't know how we would break up because I never argue.
Original post by tom_ace
I am an extremely passive guy and haven't been in a relationship.
I was wondering, what are the stuff you argue about with your gf/bf and what were the ones that killed past relationships?
Because I swear to God, if I got in a relationship with someone, I just don't know how we would break up because I never argue.
I was wondering, what are the stuff you argue about with your gf/bf and what were the ones that killed past relationships?
Because I swear to God, if I got in a relationship with someone, I just don't know how we would break up because I never argue.
Normally her feeling neglected by my poor communication. We don't really argue though, we tend to just sit in silence. I'm not sure if it's better or worse. Then we just have sex and forget it. Probably not how the professionals would recommend conflict resolution, but we've been going nearly three years now, so it seems to work for us.
Injustice in the world >
his and my arrogance mainly
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
who gets to go on top.
Original post by tom_ace
I just don't know how we would break up because I never argue.
There does not have to be an argument for a relationship to end
They end for all sorts of reasons
In my relationship its usually wee petty things like either one of us will say something and the other may take it the wrong way and start from that.
We've had maybe 3 or 4 massive arguments while we have been together (4yrs) and they werd mainly due to things such as his dad getting involved or stress building up over a few weeks.
Posted from TSR Mobile
We've had maybe 3 or 4 massive arguments while we have been together (4yrs) and they werd mainly due to things such as his dad getting involved or stress building up over a few weeks.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Money (lack of/how to spend it/imbalance)
Sex (frequency/type/technique/selfishness in bed/reluctance to talk about it)
Job (work-life balance/wage/lack of)
Friends (me seeing mine/him seeing his/me seeing his/him seeing mine etc etc etc)
Family (his/mine/pressures/differences between his and mine)
These were just some of the things we argued about. As you can see it didn't end well. Although we did last for 4 years and lived together... (anon because he uses this site)
Sex (frequency/type/technique/selfishness in bed/reluctance to talk about it)
Job (work-life balance/wage/lack of)
Friends (me seeing mine/him seeing his/me seeing his/him seeing mine etc etc etc)
Family (his/mine/pressures/differences between his and mine)
These were just some of the things we argued about. As you can see it didn't end well. Although we did last for 4 years and lived together... (anon because he uses this site)
Original post by TenOfThem
There does not have to be an argument for a relationship to end
They end for all sorts of reasons
They end for all sorts of reasons
Can you care for some examples. Cause I wouldn't cheat and if there was a problem, I'd probably solve it
Original post by tom_ace
Can you care for some examples. Cause I wouldn't cheat and if there was a problem, I'd probably solve it
feelings naturally fading (this cannot be solved)
finding the person being so passive as to never argue back infuriating
change in circumstance
distance
For the first 1.5 years we literally couldn't imagine ever arguing, saw it as impossible and joked about it. There was nothing we couldn't just talk through so easily.
Any two human beings with different minds coming together to build a joint life will have problems though, it is unavoidable. The brain is a complicated organ with many workings that are unknowable by our conscious selves; we are under the illusion that we understand and are in control of all our own actions but we're not. It's a natural process to later look back at specific events and realise things about what drove us that we didn't at the time. The same also applies to everything else we experience just without us being aware.
So, there did eventually come to be emotional struggles fought out between us. On the surface about broken promises, jealousy/insecurities, lack of contact/inconsiderate behaviour, spending of money we didn't have/debt, unreliability. Nothing we couldn't work through together. It's been nearly 3 and a half years now, going very strong.
Compromise and understanding should come from both sides for a happy healthy relationship. Neither person is ever completely right - so depending on the kind of person you're with, being too passive might make her lose some perspective/temperance on her own opinions/sense of things and eventually make you start to feel undervalued and unfulfilled. Not to say you should push for something other than what they want for the sake of it, but make sure you are connected with properly still.
Any two human beings with different minds coming together to build a joint life will have problems though, it is unavoidable. The brain is a complicated organ with many workings that are unknowable by our conscious selves; we are under the illusion that we understand and are in control of all our own actions but we're not. It's a natural process to later look back at specific events and realise things about what drove us that we didn't at the time. The same also applies to everything else we experience just without us being aware.
So, there did eventually come to be emotional struggles fought out between us. On the surface about broken promises, jealousy/insecurities, lack of contact/inconsiderate behaviour, spending of money we didn't have/debt, unreliability. Nothing we couldn't work through together. It's been nearly 3 and a half years now, going very strong.
Compromise and understanding should come from both sides for a happy healthy relationship. Neither person is ever completely right - so depending on the kind of person you're with, being too passive might make her lose some perspective/temperance on her own opinions/sense of things and eventually make you start to feel undervalued and unfulfilled. Not to say you should push for something other than what they want for the sake of it, but make sure you are connected with properly still.
As a girl I can confirm we are capable of arguing about absolutely everything when we're in a mood. So literally absolutely anything in answer to your q.
Does getting a little grumpy, upset or cross count as an argument? Because I would say the former happens in my relationship, but not really "arguments" as such. The main reasons might be minor disagreements / different priorities, and differences in the amount of attention each of us wants (I want lots, I am hyper affectionate/ sometimes irritating, a bit sensitive to rejection - whereas he can be more on the quiet, give me space, bit grumpy side).
The thing is that doesn't have to turn into an argument if neither of you wants one, you have ways to show your feelings early, sympathise with one another, and use affection and humour to solve differences rather than getting really angry. Neither of us has much anger, and we both prefer to solve things in a laid back way - which is probably the key reason we don't argue much/ at all (rather than there not being any potential problems ever). I don't think a couple has to have arguments to be "healthy" as we've been together 5 years and never better.
Some people are naturally argumentative though, and they may prefer to work things out in a more dramatic way, which is fine and might suit them. Either way it's probably better to find someone who sees arguing the same way you do, or you might not be compatible.
(I do worry we will start to argue as we're moving in together soon, and have never lived together before. I know that can be a strain for couples. I hate arguments so I'm just going to try hard to keep up communication and see how it goes. If anyone has any moving in advice?)
The thing is that doesn't have to turn into an argument if neither of you wants one, you have ways to show your feelings early, sympathise with one another, and use affection and humour to solve differences rather than getting really angry. Neither of us has much anger, and we both prefer to solve things in a laid back way - which is probably the key reason we don't argue much/ at all (rather than there not being any potential problems ever). I don't think a couple has to have arguments to be "healthy" as we've been together 5 years and never better.
Some people are naturally argumentative though, and they may prefer to work things out in a more dramatic way, which is fine and might suit them. Either way it's probably better to find someone who sees arguing the same way you do, or you might not be compatible.
(I do worry we will start to argue as we're moving in together soon, and have never lived together before. I know that can be a strain for couples. I hate arguments so I'm just going to try hard to keep up communication and see how it goes. If anyone has any moving in advice?)
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