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Rubbish at relationships

Hi all.

I am in need of a bit of advice...

A guy I thought I liked asked me out the other week, and i said yes, however, the relationship seemed really weird and going out with this guy [A] seemed totally wrong; so rightly or wrongly I ended it. he was my first proper b/f.

I felt nervous when we went out, like to the point of wanting to be sick, it was ridiculous.

However, I am really worried that I am never going to be able to let anyone in close, because I am too scared all, or whether i didnt really like him, and sorta subconsciously convinced myself to like him because he was available and i wanted a b/f.

Maybe I should have given it longer to see if the nervousness wore off, or maybe he wasnt a guy I should have gone out with. How can I tell whether I am just nervous because it is all new and strange, or whether I actually dont like someone?

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? I am forever doomed to singledom?

Reply 1

Hana_87

16

No, sounds quite normal actually. I dunno, try and hold out, i know it sounds patronising but the older you get the easier it becomes in a way, as you mature.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks, I guess I should give it more time in future, I s'pose it takes time adjusting, as most things do...

Reply 3

Anthonyjm71

9

yeah l know exactly how you feel, sometimes you want something so much that you can totally make a total mess of things.Just because you get so very nervious when you're around that person,that you so do like and admire.You just need and try to be as calm and relaxed as possible when you are around them.

Reply 4

amywalters

1

Lol - when i got my first boyfriend, i used to be nervous and make excuses saying i cudnt meet him and stuff. I didn't really like him, but when i felt lonely i used him for comfort. Was very wrong and unfair and he ended up loving me but i couldnt reciprocate. I was only young i guess.

However it took me a while to find someone else, and when i did, the nervous sick feeling becomes one of butterflies. You get ready 5 hours before you're meant to go out and its a great great feeling.

You was right to end it, no point playing on his emotions when you are unsure about yours. Otherwise you'll be forced to say things you don't mean.

Reply 5

Montrose

17

Cliché, but when you're with someone, it will just feel right if it's going to work. In the mean time, smile at the fact that someone found you attractive and wanted to go out with you. That's the first step you have definitely got right. :smile:

Reply 6

toiletwall

As said before, completely normal. I'm a nervous person so lots of things get me feeling like that :P but yes i've had that feeling when going out with people before...i personally grinned and beared it, and it turned out really well for me, but I genuinely really liked the guy, and if your unsure, there is no point putting yourself through that if you really don't want to.

Reply 7

kerberos

I remember I used to be near physically sick (one time I was), whenever I had to meet this one guy. I really liked him (and he liked me back) but I think nervousness had something to do with it as well.

Reply 8

hapa_girl

7

Anonymous

Hi all.

I am in need of a bit of advice...

A guy I thought I liked asked me out the other week, and i said yes, however, the relationship seemed really weird and going out with this guy [A] seemed totally wrong; so rightly or wrongly I ended it. he was my first proper b/f.

I felt nervous when we went out, like to the point of wanting to be sick, it was ridiculous.

However, I am really worried that I am never going to be able to let anyone in close, because I am too scared all, or whether i didnt really like him, and sorta subconsciously convinced myself to like him because he was available and i wanted a b/f.

Maybe I should have given it longer to see if the nervousness wore off, or maybe he wasnt a guy I should have gone out with. How can I tell whether I am just nervous because it is all new and strange, or whether I actually dont like someone?

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? I am forever doomed to singledom?

Im gonna sound pathetic saying this but it took me 5 "boyfriends" to stop getting scared. I didn't sleep with them or anything, didn't do anything sexual because I was terrified plus I didn't feel right. Then I met someone who was WOW and I felt comfy with.

Its normal to be scared. I know it sucks to be in the waiting-phase, waiting to not feel so nervous but it passes. YOU are not bad at relationships at all, its just the relationship itself is probably not right in the first place :smile:

AND good for you for leaving a relatioship when you feel its not right. Follow what your brain tells you cause it'll land you in a better place :smile:

Reply 9

hapa_girl

7

Alex Mann

Cliché, but when you're with someone, it will just feel right if it's going to work. In the mean time, smile at the fact that someone found you attractive and wanted to go out with you. That's the first step you have definitely got right. :smile:

He's right. And cliches are cliches for a reason. So dont fret. The crappy nervous phase will end sooner or later. One day you'll look back and have a good laugh at it

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

OMG, thankyou guys all so much, you are all wonderful and have made me feel a million times better!

Reply 11

Montrose

17

Yaaaaay, good deed for the day. :smile:

Rubbish at relationships

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