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Should I say something? Or am I in the wrong?
Okay, so, here's the situation.
I cannot stand to be near my nan (or granddad, for that matter) for more than an hour at a time. Sometimes, I can't even last that long.
As I've grown older, they've started to make snide comments and sarcastic quips about things I say that come out wrong, or things I've done in the past (for example, I didn't do that well on my GCSEs, so now, whenever my younger brother and I are in the same room as them, they bring up my results and "advise" my brother basically not to be like me). They're constantly comparing my life to my brother's, hoping that because I screwed up how many times that he won't.
Fact is, I KNOW that I didn't do so well on my GCSEs. I know that. I didn't know what I wanted to be, so I lost motivation and didn't do so well. Despite all that, I'm in college now, I know what I want to do with my life, I'm hoping to go to university, etc.
I just hate the fact that she (as it's mainly my nan) brings my failures up all the time.
She (or they, rather) also act like they're so much better than me or anyone else. They're sarcastic and think they're *so* witty and hilarious. Today (and I realise how trivial this is) they asked what I wanted for tea tomorrow (we're spending supper times at their house this week - joy), and I said "not fussed". So they decided to make this big thing about how oh, they don't think Morrisons sell "not fussed", etc. etc. They don't need to say that, and they think they're being so funny. It really just got on my nerves.
They did things like that a lot tonight, also making remarks about my life and my friends, etc. In the end, I kept dropping hints about wanting to leave, so we did, and once I was in the car, she opened the door and basically said that she didn't appreciate me walking out like that.
I almost said something there and then, along the lines of "yeah, well, I don't appreciate you...etc." but I didn't.
I'm starting to wish I did, but I'm also thinking that I should leave it. But it's seriously annoying me, and I just want it to stop.
I cannot stand to be near my nan (or granddad, for that matter) for more than an hour at a time. Sometimes, I can't even last that long.
As I've grown older, they've started to make snide comments and sarcastic quips about things I say that come out wrong, or things I've done in the past (for example, I didn't do that well on my GCSEs, so now, whenever my younger brother and I are in the same room as them, they bring up my results and "advise" my brother basically not to be like me). They're constantly comparing my life to my brother's, hoping that because I screwed up how many times that he won't.
Fact is, I KNOW that I didn't do so well on my GCSEs. I know that. I didn't know what I wanted to be, so I lost motivation and didn't do so well. Despite all that, I'm in college now, I know what I want to do with my life, I'm hoping to go to university, etc.
I just hate the fact that she (as it's mainly my nan) brings my failures up all the time.
She (or they, rather) also act like they're so much better than me or anyone else. They're sarcastic and think they're *so* witty and hilarious. Today (and I realise how trivial this is) they asked what I wanted for tea tomorrow (we're spending supper times at their house this week - joy), and I said "not fussed". So they decided to make this big thing about how oh, they don't think Morrisons sell "not fussed", etc. etc. They don't need to say that, and they think they're being so funny. It really just got on my nerves.
They did things like that a lot tonight, also making remarks about my life and my friends, etc. In the end, I kept dropping hints about wanting to leave, so we did, and once I was in the car, she opened the door and basically said that she didn't appreciate me walking out like that.
I almost said something there and then, along the lines of "yeah, well, I don't appreciate you...etc." but I didn't.
I'm starting to wish I did, but I'm also thinking that I should leave it. But it's seriously annoying me, and I just want it to stop.
They'll be gone soon and with a bit of luck they'll leave a nice lump of cash for you.
So just grin your teeth and stop posting stupid topics.
Notihing you say is likely to change how they behave, so just learn to live with it.
So just grin your teeth and stop posting stupid topics.
Notihing you say is likely to change how they behave, so just learn to live with it.
That's such an honest answer, thank you 
.
And, I'm not that cold (re: the cash thing), for crying out loud :P
.And, I'm not that cold (re: the cash thing), for crying out loud :P
You're clearly not in the wrong. Not getting on with relatives is terrible as there's little you can do other than make efforts TO get along with them. You're linked to them whether you like it or not. I'd suggest that when you see them you are simply as kind as you can be, and show them affection. Could what they say and how they say it be a way of taking out their frustration or anger about something? It's very unusual to not get on with grandparents, but in this case all you can do is be affectionate and keep your annoyance to yourself. Write a letter apologising for leaving and say that you want them to remember that you still love them. They'll eventually realise that it is they that are in the wrong.
Hope it works out.
Hope it works out.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. Remember that.
Oh, poor you - that sounds like a very uncomfortable situation to say the least.
I would say sit down and, like you did in this post, make a list of the reasons they wind you up, and the reasons you still love them - there must be some I'm sure. It often really helps to list everything that's irritating you about something or someone. In any relationship there are going to be things about each person that wind the other up, but when there's a big long list, obviously something's up.
Once you've clarified what exactly it is, I would say go and talk to them, and be specific, don't just have a go at their attitude in general. For example, ask them not to mention your academic performance - you realise you've not done as well as you could, but you've learnt from that (presumably). You and your brother are two different people and it's not on to compare you two. Be firm, don't let them get away with snide comments, but stay polite and civil; they'll have suceeded in digging at you if you get angry.
I would say sit down and, like you did in this post, make a list of the reasons they wind you up, and the reasons you still love them - there must be some I'm sure. It often really helps to list everything that's irritating you about something or someone. In any relationship there are going to be things about each person that wind the other up, but when there's a big long list, obviously something's up.
Once you've clarified what exactly it is, I would say go and talk to them, and be specific, don't just have a go at their attitude in general. For example, ask them not to mention your academic performance - you realise you've not done as well as you could, but you've learnt from that (presumably). You and your brother are two different people and it's not on to compare you two. Be firm, don't let them get away with snide comments, but stay polite and civil; they'll have suceeded in digging at you if you get angry.
Does it sound weird that I want them to realise now? I just want to tell them, once and for all, that I feel like they think I'm thick, stupid, etc., that they're patronising and need to cool it with the comparisons, etc.
They're just so...argh. So smug and patronising! This is one of the reasons why I don't want to apologise (or at least, not just yet), as they'd think they've "won" and they'd just think that I was definitely in the wrong, not them.
*heads desk*
I desperately want this sorted before university next year.
They're just so...argh. So smug and patronising! This is one of the reasons why I don't want to apologise (or at least, not just yet), as they'd think they've "won" and they'd just think that I was definitely in the wrong, not them.
*heads desk*
I desperately want this sorted before university next year.
Play the same game as them. Make fun of every little thing that they make.
They're old so I'm sure you'll be able to outwit them easily.
They're old so I'm sure you'll be able to outwit them easily.
Don't do something you might regret, my family sometimes gets on my nerves to a degree where they are being SO hypocritical i try my absolute best to remain calm etc
Trust me , You are not in the wrong but by saying " I dont appreciate you" is giving them confirmation of what they wanted to do (Get under your skin). If they continually make comparisons between you and your brother then just support them backing up there ideas and views, direct the attention towards how successful you want your brother to be rather than your mistakes. If they continually focus their efforts on your mistakes try to not let if affect your emotions, agree with them.
You're glad you made them mistakes, It makes you the person you are today and without them mistakes you wouldn't be on the path to success.
Trust me , You are not in the wrong but by saying " I dont appreciate you" is giving them confirmation of what they wanted to do (Get under your skin). If they continually make comparisons between you and your brother then just support them backing up there ideas and views, direct the attention towards how successful you want your brother to be rather than your mistakes. If they continually focus their efforts on your mistakes try to not let if affect your emotions, agree with them.
You're glad you made them mistakes, It makes you the person you are today and without them mistakes you wouldn't be on the path to success.
Well, one's 67 and the other's 69, so they've got quite a while left 
. But yeah, I think I probably will say something then. Act polite, etc.
EDIT: Just got new advice, from here and on MSN, which just changes my mind completely.
Argh!
Anyway, thank you so much for everyone's advice so far
. But yeah, I think I probably will say something then. Act polite, etc.EDIT: Just got new advice, from here and on MSN, which just changes my mind completely.
Argh!
Anyway, thank you so much for everyone's advice so far
lostinfantasies
Today they asked what I wanted for tea tomorrow and I said "not fussed". So they decided to make this big thing about how oh, they don't think Morrisons sell "not fussed"
http://img475.imageshack.us/my.php?image=notfussediq3.jpg
Why dont you go show them that they are wrong
most grandparents are like that, i think it comes with age..mine always tend to slip in remarks about how amazing our cousins are blah blah...i think you just have to live with it...my parents always tell me off because i tend to provoce them and say things that will set them off and my little brother goes round the house turning the pictures of our cousins face down..it is very immature and yet so amusing, makes us able to laugh instead of get wound up by them!!!
and that tin of not fussed looks delicious!! hahahahahaha
and that tin of not fussed looks delicious!! hahahahahaha
*titanium*
http://img475.imageshack.us/my.php?image=notfussediq3.jpg
Why dont you go show them that they are wrong
Why dont you go show them that they are wrong
lol oh that's good!
Remember that your grandparents grew up in a totally different world from the one you grew up in. They were children during the second world war and life was pretty damn different for them growing up. Parents had a very different way of treating their children. I know that my grandparents were really tough to my mom (and each other) and didn't really believe in sharing positive emotions. It can be quite difficult for different generations to understand and respect each other, both older understanding younger and vice versa.
I sympathise with your situation though...my grandfather and I are estranged because as I grew older I began to resent his negativity and eventually decided I didn't want him in my life any longer. Some call it tough love, I call it verbal abuse and I don't need it. Make up your mind about whether they are being a bit sarcastic or genuinely rude and then decide if it is worth the trouble of speaking to them. Maybe you should just limit your contact, stop going round there all the time. If your parents are going, tell them you aren't coming with them.
I sympathise with your situation though...my grandfather and I are estranged because as I grew older I began to resent his negativity and eventually decided I didn't want him in my life any longer. Some call it tough love, I call it verbal abuse and I don't need it. Make up your mind about whether they are being a bit sarcastic or genuinely rude and then decide if it is worth the trouble of speaking to them. Maybe you should just limit your contact, stop going round there all the time. If your parents are going, tell them you aren't coming with them.
Could you talk to your parents and let them know how you feel? Sometimes if my someone in my family has done/said something to upset me and I've told me parents, when I'm with my the other family member it doesn't seem so bad. Not because I get my parents to argue for me, but just to know that if I said something then they'd back me up. Or maybe your parents could even have a word with them?
I've got one set of grandparents who I am uncomfortable with; my step-grandmother especially is a nasty piece of work. However, it's balanced out by the fact that my other grandparents are the nicest kind of grandparents possible; they give you far too much pocket money even when you try to refuse it, let you eat as much cake and biscuits as you want even when your dad says you've had enough, and provide endless entertainment by not understanding anything about the modern world.
Anyway, with regards to the unpleasant grandparents, I'm not sure what the best way is to deal with it; I've never let what people say get to me, so I'm content to ignore anyone who is unpleasant to me, but that's not an easy thing to do, especially with a family member. If you can, I'd say make sure you don't let them get to you, or at least don't show it's getting to you.
Anyway, with regards to the unpleasant grandparents, I'm not sure what the best way is to deal with it; I've never let what people say get to me, so I'm content to ignore anyone who is unpleasant to me, but that's not an easy thing to do, especially with a family member. If you can, I'd say make sure you don't let them get to you, or at least don't show it's getting to you.
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