Moving in with randomers who are different to myself?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
So I didn't get to find housing with friends for second year... I had a bit of rough start at uni, spent a lot of time back home, and although I have more friends than I have time for now in second term, they all signed the dotted contract line a long ago, plus I have specific requirement which is out of most people's budget.

I saw a great house today, and it's just two other people. They seem really nice. However, I have an ex boyfriends voice in my head and I can just hear him saying 'why are you hanging out with such freaks' - something he said about my 'less cool' friends that he met once and these friends would seem really 'cool' compared to the potential housemates .

I have pretty dire stomach problems though so pretty much need an ensuite and ensuites in student houses are really rare! So beggers can't be choosers like I saw some normal houses when I was panicking a few weeks ago, and really got along well with some people who were nice and 'normal' but I have my own bathroom at home, and even though it might be better than I think if I actually went ahead with it... I don't want to take the chance it's not okay... because it'd be pretty gross if it didn't work out

Will people judge me if I live with them? Will it matter if we are all friendly but have nothing in common? How easy would it be to keep to myself if there's a falling out? Urgh I feel so shallow even writing this! Will it be lonely not having someone I really bond with living with me? I have a term abroad student at the moment in my house and it's so nice having girl talk whenever!
0
reply
RightSaidJames
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#2
Report 6 years ago
#2
Moved to Friends, family and work

OP, my advice is not to worry about what people (especially ex boyfriends!) might think. If, as you say, they seem nice, then I'm sure you'd get on with them and find things in common, or at least enjoy hanging out together.

Thinking about it pragmatically, if I was in your shoes I'd be wary of falling into the trap of valuing what you might be able to get ('normal' people and an en suite) over what you can definitely get ('nice but uncool' people and an en suite). What happens if you never find anywhere else and in the meantime the original house is let to someone else? In my third year of uni I was in a similar situation due to a house share with friends falling through, but it all worked out fine. Plenty of people don't have all that much in common with their housemates, it's just a case of finding things in common or, if needs be, spending more time outside of the house with people you get on with better
1
reply
Nerol
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#3
Report 6 years ago
#3
You're being pretty shallow about this. You don't really know these people yet, so how can you say they are uncool and you have nothing in common? They might surprise you!

Even if you don't have much in common, you can still have other friends and you don't have to spend a lot of time with your housemates.

As for what your ex boyfriend thinks - why the hell do you care?

If 'cool' housemates are more important to you than a facility you need and a nice place to live, then you have a problem.
2
reply
Anonymous #2
#4
Report 6 years ago
#4
(Original post by Nerol)
You're being pretty shallow about this. You don't really know these people yet, so how can you say they are uncool and you have nothing in common? They might surprise you!

Even if you don't have much in common, you can still have other friends and you don't have to spend a lot of time with your housemates.

As for what your ex boyfriend thinks - why the hell do you care?

If 'cool' housemates are more important to you than a facility you need and a nice place to live, then you have a problem.
It kind of runs deeper than that fact they choose not to conform to socially desirable appearances makes me wonder what that means in term of personalities and how they'll be to live with. One of my current flatmates is like that and she seemed nice at first but she's pretty much reduced me to tears several time because she is mentally ill and she gets pretty nasty when her black and white thinking is black.

In my experience with school people too who choose not to make them selves look nice on purpose, were they people who tended to have real issues. I know I can't generealise though and it may simply be that one of them lacks social skills.. he practically sat on top of me at one point/ seemed to not grasp personal space.

Okay I probably phrased the ex boyfriend thing badly and it was two of them rather than one. It's not about caring what they think, it's that I am naturally quite shy etc and they were both really wise socially and listening to their advice really helped me . So when I say I have their voices in my head I take that to be what most people's prejudices would be as believe it or not after this thread I was naturally a really open minded person!

Yeah maybe I do have a real problem. I guess I'm just insecure about the strength of my friendships I've made at uni and I know a few friends in the year above who said second year you socialize most with housemates and will lose contact with most people who aren't coursemates.
0
reply
Nerol
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#5
Report 6 years ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
It kind of runs deeper than that fact they choose not to conform to socially desirable appearances makes me wonder what that means in term of personalities and how they'll be to live with. One of my current flatmates is like that and she seemed nice at first but she's pretty much reduced me to tears several time because she is mentally ill and she gets pretty nasty when her black and white thinking is black.

In my experience with school people too who choose not to make them selves look nice on purpose, were they people who tended to have real issues. I know I can't generealise though and it may simply be that one of them lacks social skills.. he practically sat on top of me at one point/ seemed to not grasp personal space.

Okay I probably phrased the ex boyfriend thing badly and it was two of them rather than one. It's not about caring what they think, it's that I am naturally quite shy etc and they were both really wise socially and listening to their advice really helped me . So when I say I have their voices in my head I take that to be what most people's prejudices would be as believe it or not after this thread I was naturally a really open minded person!

Yeah maybe I do have a real problem. I guess I'm just insecure about the strength of my friendships I've made at uni and I know a few friends in the year above who said second year you socialize most with housemates and will lose contact with most people who aren't coursemates.
Ah, okay that makes more sense.

Even so, try not to have a prejudiced opinion of these people. Give them a chance and see how it goes. As long as you keep a good communicative relationship with them, you don't need to be best friends if you don't get along.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (425)
56.52%
I don't have everything I need (327)
43.48%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed