I don't know what I want

I'm 18 and never been in a relationship before. I basically started chattng to this bloke few months ago. started at feb and I can feel that he is getting in to me. we never met though but it feels like we've known each other for a while. I said to give me time as I feel he was suffocating me a bit when he started talking about "relationships" so i said give me time. after 3 months we started talking to each other again and I realised that I really like him, quite a bit to be honest. However, there are inconsistency in my feelings. Its like at one moment, I can;t wait to be with him and be in a relationship with him. At another, I am freaked out on being in a relationship. Its just that I am so confused I like him and want to be in a relationship with him yet sometimes I don't "feel" like it. Its not that I'm scared its just that I guess I've always been freaked out by "commitment". What freaks me out is the fact that I gotta see him now and then, talk to him and see less of my friends etc. Its like I want to be in a relationship but I am afraid of the commitment. I mean I like him loads and he likes me loads too but I just can't tell him that I want to be in a relationship yet I don't coz that will confuse him and probably push him away from me which I don't want to. Am I makjing any sense??
Any advice would be great. :suith:

Reply 1

hapa_girl

7

Anonymous

I'm 18 and never been in a relationship before. I basically started chattng to this bloke few months ago. started at feb and I can feel that he is getting in to me. we never met though but it feels like we've known each other for a while. I said to give me time as I feel he was suffocating me a bit when he started talking about "relationships" so i said give me time. after 3 months we started talking to each other again and I realised that I really like him, quite a bit to be honest. However, there are inconsistency in my feelings. Its like at one moment, I can;t wait to be with him and be in a relationship with him. At another, I am freaked out on being in a relationship. Its just that I am so confused I like him and want to be in a relationship with him yet sometimes I don't "feel" like it. Its not that I'm scared its just that I guess I've always been freaked out by "commitment". What freaks me out is the fact that I gotta see him now and then, talk to him and see less of my friends etc. Its like I want to be in a relationship but I am afraid of the commitment. I mean I like him loads and he likes me loads too but I just can't tell him that I want to be in a relationship yet I don't coz that will confuse him and probably push him away from me which I don't want to. Am I makjing any sense??
Any advice would be great. :suith:

Well hmm it doesn't have to be a commitment just yet. You guys should meetup but lay ground rules. Be realistic... unless I read this wrong, you met him online ya? So tell him that you could meet but at the moment neither of you should expect anything more than friendship from each other cause it could just ruin hopes.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

He's pretty nice and calm about it. He told me that he will only meet up with me in a place that I feel really comfortable with and by now we are friends i.e. know loads of stuff from each other:family, friends, etc. I perceive that he want to have a commitment with me which I do want with him yet I am petrified by this. Its because I have to make "time" for him and this just freaks me out so much!

Reply 3

hapa_girl

7

Anonymous

He's pretty nice and calm about it. He told me that he will only meet up with me in a place that I feel really comfortable with and by now we are friends i.e. know loads of stuff from each other:family, friends, etc. I perceive that he want to have a commitment with me which I do want with him yet I am petrified by this. Its because I have to make "time" for him and this just freaks me out so much!

Okays well I know that you already know him and stuff, but meet him in a TOTALLY public place because

1) you never know who he is, even though you've chatted to him for ages. Too many freaky stories about these things
2) in a public place, if you guys have an uncomfy silence, there are gonna be distractions around that you could start a convo about. like "look at that cute kid" or something, y'know?

If he's cool and relaxed, it should be okay to tell him your fears and stuff. Tell him you like him, but basically you're thinking realistically and its hard to know someone exactly till you've met them and spent time in their physical presence and so you are not yet expecting a relatinship with him, and that you're just taking the 'next step' from online chatting, to real-life chatting.

And that he should think realistically too. Don't expect too much from this, take it slowly, and be safe :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

You are so right!!! I mean its not as if if we met we're he's gonna be my bf(though he said that I should find out if I want him to be my bf). I just think so quickly about things like this i.e. I was actually thinking of being with him then moving in with him then asking him to move to a nearer city to me and it went downhill from there! God I overanalyse. I must say this to myself then...its only a transition of chatting to real life chatting and not to relationship.

Reply 5

hapa_girl

7

Anonymous

You are so right!!! I mean its not as if if we met we're he's gonna be my bf(though he said that I should find out if I want him to be my bf). I just think so quickly about things like this i.e. I was actually thinking of being with him then moving in with him then asking him to move to a nearer city to me and it went downhill from there! God I overanalyse. I must say this to myself then...its only a transition of chatting to real life chatting and not to relationship.

Oh gosh no worries. Just keep asking yourself "whats the next smallest step" and take that one.

Anonymous

its only a transition of chatting to real life chatting and not to relationship.

Exactly

And make sure he realises that too.

I don't want to sound patronising, I hope I don't, but I've been in a relationship for 3 years and wow, I swear its amazing. We made tiny baby steps.. cool hangout friends for a year, graduated to very close friends for a couple more years, and then turned into a really great relationship thats been going strong for 3 years :smile:

the trust is solid and was developed in the friendship phase. Its amazing, so hopefully that may come out of this for you as well :smile:

Reply 6

Sharp_Shooter

1

Anonymous

its only a transition of chatting to real life chatting and not to relationship.

Oh dear... :rolleyes:

Reply 7

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

What freaks me out is the fact that I gotta see him now and then, talk to him and see less of my friends etc.

Anonymous

Its because I have to make "time" for him and this just freaks me out so much!

I don't mean to be insulting... but is this a joke? Seriously... :confused:

Reply 8

PhilMc

16

You know the way some people aren't who they say they are.....

I still thinking meeting people over the internet (On your own, these TSR meets are okay I suppose because there are a few people there) is stupid.

Reply 9

A Y A Z

11

PhilMc

You know the way some people aren't who they say they are.....

I still thinking meeting people over the internet (On your own, these TSR meets are okay I suppose because there are a few people there) is stupid.

I don't know what I want

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