How to move on from getting rejected? Watch

UWS
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As many of you have probably realised, I've made several threads on me asking a friend out, but this is the last chapter in the story and some advice here would be greatly appreciated.

Simple back story, I was friends with a girl for about a month. We shared common interests and we had good moments together. But there was always this doubt in my mind that she didn't like me more than friend, yet I liked her a lot. It was bothering me for some time and I thought if I didn't ask her out, I'd never know and it would haunt me for life.

Turns out she didn't like me more than a friend and she rejected me nicely, saying she isn't looking for a relationship, saying this ring she wears (not a wedding ring) signifies that she is staying single. A subtle way of saying "f*** you" but nevertheless, I took the rejection well and I made it clear that we stayed as friends. She felt bad and texted me after I left to let me know she didn't want to give me the wrong impression of her.

I want to stay friends with this girl but I fear I screwed up our friendship and we'll never share those fun moments like we did before I asked her out. Should I give her space and what should I do when I see her next time?
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S1elyak1
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Once you have told your friend how you feel your friendship will never be the same. I haven't been in your shoes but in the person who rejected you and when my friend said he had feelings for me everything changed (although a lot of **** happened between us) and now there's a lot of tension. When she starts seeing someone else will you be able to be around them both knowing that he's got what you want/wanted, if no then is it a good idea the two of you still being friends? If you definitely want to be friends with her then I suggest you tell her you need some space so you can move on and hopefully she will respect that and you can move on, once you feel like you have you can contact her because while you're still around her you're feelings won't subside.
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UWS
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She's starting to reply to my messages with the dreaded full stop. I think I should just give her space, maybe she's still shaken up...

But I don't know what to do if she starts ignoring me forever, I can't lose her as a friend too.. That would hurt even more and it would affect the social group that we spend in. Should I ask a friend of hers to step in and help out?
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Andy98
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(Original post by UWS)
As many of you have probably realised, I've made several threads on me asking a friend out, but this is the last chapter in the story and some advice here would be greatly appreciated.

Simple back story, I was friends with a girl for about a month. We shared common interests and we had good moments together. But there was always this doubt in my mind that she didn't like me more than friend, yet I liked her a lot. It was bothering me for some time and I thought if I didn't ask her out, I'd never know and it would haunt me for life.

Turns out she didn't like me more than a friend and she rejected me nicely, saying she isn't looking for a relationship, saying this ring she wears (not a wedding ring) signifies that she is staying single. A subtle way of saying "f*** you" but nevertheless, I took the rejection well and I made it clear that we stayed as friends. She felt bad and texted me after I left to let me know she didn't want to give me the wrong impression of her.

I want to stay friends with this girl but I fear I screwed up our friendship and we'll never share those fun moments like we did before I asked her out. Should I give her space and what should I do when I see her next time?
I've been in your shoes before - it'll be a bit awkward if one of you starts talking about your love-life but other than that it should be okay... Quick tip for future purposes - if you are friends with someone you like - wait for them to drop hints - but yeah friendship is spontaneous and random (if you have a relationship with a friend that results in a bad break-up you'll probably end up being friends again eventually)
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Andy98
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(Original post by UWS)
She's starting to reply to my messages with the dreaded full stop. I think I should just give her space, maybe she's still shaken up...

But I don't know what to do if she starts ignoring me forever, I can't lose her as a friend too.. That would hurt even more and it would affect the social group that we spend in. Should I ask a friend of hers to step in and help out?
You asked her out - that would've shaken her up (if she's nice she'll feel bad for saying no)
You got rejected - that would've upset you

to combat this just say to her that (use these words exactly as I type them) "Honestly, I'm fine. An answer is an answer - at least I know now - the feeling of not knowing would hurt more. Let's just put this situation behind us and go back to being friends." (for this to work you have to mean it and take the approach of "oh well, at least I know")
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HKGOLDEN
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....I want to stay friends with this girl but I fear I screwed up our friendship and we'll never share those fun moments like we did before I asked her out. Should I give her space and what should I do when I see her next time?

No you won't want to stay friends with her, stop lying to yourself that you want her as a friend because quite obvious you like her more than a friend.
If in the future she found a bf, you will hurt even more. So back off.
This is coming from a guy who was in the same kind of sh*t before
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Pride
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Well you can't just expect to be her BFF, waiting in the wings until she comes back around so that you can pounce. Move on. Find somebody else. She's only going to find someone else too, you're going to be the third wheel and it'll be awkward.

I think with time, you should be able to have normal conversations, and get along, sure. It's just a mature thing to do to be able to rise above it, brush it off, and just be an interested person to talk to. But one, the fact that you've made this thread makes it clear that being rejected hit you hard, and two, you can't really expect to be really close friends any more. Give each other space (no incessant small-talk text messaging).
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UWS
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(Original post by Andy98)
You asked her out - that would've shaken her up (if she's nice she'll feel bad for saying no)
You got rejected - that would've upset you

to combat this just say to her that (use these words exactly as I type them) "Honestly, I'm fine. An answer is an answer - at least I know now - the feeling of not knowing would hurt more. Let's just put this situation behind us and go back to being friends." (for this to work you have to mean it and take the approach of "oh well, at least I know")
I did give a very similar answer to what you told me. She said it's good I asked because then at least I know what she really thought of me. However now it seems there's a lot of tension between us. We did say we wanted to stay as friends but she just seems disinterested now.

Maybe I should just give her some space, don't talk to her for a bit and slowly get back again when I see her in person?
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Andy98
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(Original post by UWS)
I did give a very similar answer to what you told me. She said it's good I asked because then at least I know what she really thought of me. However now it seems there's a lot of tension between us. We did say we wanted to stay as friends but she just seems disinterested now.

Maybe I should just give her some space, don't talk to her for a bit and slowly get back again when I see her in person?
yeah - give her some time and space to relax - when you see her in person start working it back
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UWS
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(Original post by Pride)
Well you can't just expect to be her BFF, waiting in the wings until she comes back around so that you can pounce. Move on. Find somebody else. She's only going to find someone else too, you're going to be the third wheel and it'll be awkward.

I think with time, you should be able to have normal conversations, and get along, sure. It's just a mature thing to do to be able to rise above it, brush it off, and just be an interested person to talk to. But one, the fact that you've made this thread makes it clear that being rejected hit you hard, and two, you can't really expect to be really close friends any more. Give each other space (no incessant small-talk text messaging).
Thanks for your answer. It has hit me hard because I thought we had something together and I took the risk to ask her out. I think I will stop messaging her. That's what i'm doing wrong right now and she doesn't seem interested to talk.

I feel better about being rejected but now my main worry is getting blanked by her and ruining the friendship group that we have.
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Pride
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(Original post by UWS)
Thanks for your answer. It has hit me hard because I thought we had something together and I took the risk to ask her out. I think I will stop messaging her. That's what i'm doing wrong right now and she doesn't seem interested to talk.

I feel better about being rejected but now my main worry is getting blanked by her and ruining the friendship group that we have.
I highly doubt she'd just blank you if you spoke to her within your friendship group. But if she did, then that's not really friendship material, so why would you want to talk to someone like that anyway?

But I do want to reiterate what I've said. You can't expect to just move back to close friendship mode like you were before. It'll probably be different now - not necessarily blanking - but you probably won't be as close, you'll probably be talking to each other less.
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Pride
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(Original post by UWS)
I did give a very similar answer to what you told me. She said it's good I asked because then at least I know what she really thought of me. However now it seems there's a lot of tension between us. We did say we wanted to stay as friends but she just seems disinterested now.

Maybe I should just give her some space, don't talk to her for a bit and slowly get back again when I see her in person?

(Original post by Andy98)
yeah - give her some time and space to relax - when you see her in person start working it back
?

'...slowly get back again when I see her in person'?
'when you see her in person start working it'?

But this would only see you trying to find an opportunity again. This is what I'm saying you shouldn't do. Move on. It shouldn't be about trying to salvage a friendship. You're only trying to kid yourself that you want to be friends.
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Zarek
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You need to move on mate. Focus on finding someone who you can have that fun and friendship with plus the physical and emotional pleasure of a full relationship. These unequal friendships rarely come good. Fine to be friends with her, but once you are getting your oats elsewhere and then you will probably find its a bit less important. Good luck.
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Andy98
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(Original post by Pride)
?

'...slowly get back again when I see her in person'?
'when you see her in person start working it'?

But this would only see you trying to find an opportunity again. This is what I'm saying you shouldn't do. Move on. It shouldn't be about trying to salvage a friendship. You're only trying to kid yourself that you want to be friends.
depends whether you have to see her every day or not
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UWS
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I appreciate all the feedback!

Of course things will be different, but I had to get it out there that I liked her more than a friend but didn't want to give the impression that it's all I was after. In terms of getting back the friendship, I don't expect us to be super close like before but I still would like to talk to her and share jokes together.

She doesn't take the same course as me so it's all down to how often she comes to the computer labs to do work. It also depends if I hang out in the social group and she happens to be there.

Honestly I feel bad because I would imagine her being under a lot of stress having to turn me down like that.
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kumon
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7 billion people, i'm sure you'll find another person, I mean 7 billion, ffs a town has like 100,000, and 7 billion is just mind blowing, get over it. Put it into perspective its blooming 7 billion!
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Pride
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(Original post by Andy98)
depends whether you have to see her every day or not
I'm not saying cut contact altogether...
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Andy98
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(Original post by Pride)
I'm not saying cut contact altogether...
no but if you have to see them everyday salvaging the friendship would make it less awkward
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Amandablanks
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Just know you are going to be okay. I got rejected by a friend recently. I gave myself time away from him& now over it.
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UWS
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(Original post by Amandablanks)
Just know you are going to be okay. I got rejected by a friend recently. I gave myself time away from him& now over it.
Just curious, are you two on talking terms now or distant?
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