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Friends -> relationships

I've had a couple of boyfriends before, both of whom were good friends of mine beforehand. And now something seems to be developing with another friend... *unsure*

But I just have a couple of concerns.

One is that I don't want to ruin friendships. I mean, with one of my ex's things were awkward for months, and we were really close before.
Also, I can't just go on working my way though my group of friends!
I feel like I can't get really close to a guy just as a friend, because after a while other feelings always come in.

Any thoughts on the matter?

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

If you feel you can't get close to any guy as a friend without attraction developing, you're probably just eager for a boyfriend. I'd leave it for now with this other friend unless you're more sure. Do you still have feelings for either of your ex-boyfriends at all? If not I'd be even more wary. (Edit: but if you do, and they're strong, that's bad too.)

Reply 2

strawberry

13

you could always look for guys outside your friend circle...but then it'll be difficult getting him into your circle of friends depending on their level of acceptance.

and it's normal to have feelings for a guy after a while :smile:

though it might come across as desperate.....since it's recurring?

Reply 3

Glory

1

I find dating your friends is a good thing, you know each other really well to start with. There less misunderstandings too, because you already know quite alot about their personality. The wordless convo's start much earlier too, i found i was much more comfy getting things off my chest, because i felt i had a level of trust already constructed.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Yes, I do have feelings for my exboyfriends. Up til a couple of months ago I was still in quite a state over one of them. I think I'm over him now, thought it's taken a long time. The other one I don't have many feelings for, but we weren't together long, and I suppose, in all honesty, he was a bit of a rebound :s-smilie:

I've got other male friends who I'm not at all attracted to. But it's when I start to get really close to someone as a friend, that it ends up as something else.

Yeah, I agree with you Glory, going out with friends is pretty good, because they already do understand you to an extent, and it's easier to feel comfortable around them.

That's the thing. With this guy, I just felt really comfortable and ended up sitting next to him, leaning on him. I'd had a fair bit to drink, and so to a lot of my friends it seems like just a drunken mistake thing, but I've been thinking about this for a while. Nothing much happened last night really, just snuggled up on the settee to go to sleep.

Though nothing like this has happened with us, it seems perfectly natural. I think mostly with someone outside my circle of friends it'd be a lot more awkward.

But if I don't end up going out with this one, or it doesn't last, I'll meet lots of new people at uni...

Reply 5

hapa_girl

7

Anonymous

I've had a couple of boyfriends before, both of whom were good friends of mine beforehand. And now something seems to be developing with another friend... *unsure*

But I just have a couple of concerns.

One is that I don't want to ruin friendships. I mean, with one of my ex's things were awkward for months, and we were really close before.
Also, I can't just go on working my way though my group of friends!
I feel like I can't get really close to a guy just as a friend, because after a while other feelings always come in.

Any thoughts on the matter?

To be honest, if you were 'friends' before and then dated, but the dating screwed up the friendship, there wasn't much of a friendship in the first place.

And of course, other feelings always come in. I personally don't believe male-female friendships are easy because they lead to something else.

Find a gay guy to be friends with :biggrin:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

It hasn't screwed it up anymore. Things were just awkward for a while because I wasn't in any way over him, and so struggled loads to adjust to being friends again. Finally now things are pretty good with him again. It just took time for me to accept how things were. Now we chat loads online, and go to gigs and stuff together.

I have got a gay friend who is absolutely lovely! Though I don't see him that much as he lives quite a way away.

Thanks all for advice anyway. The guy has just asked me what's going on, and if it was just a case of me being drunk and him being there, or something more. And I've done my best to explain what I feel at the moment.

Reply 7

janesmith

well then if he wants to get to know u surely you can do this as friends and not need to catergorise it as a date. but obviously he doesnt want to dump his gf yet if he still wants to get to know you, you both havent made that much of an impresion on each other for him to suddnely and let go of the gf. just dont do anything like kissing etc cos then you might get hooked and wont be able to say no to him. but if he sees you as gf material then think about whether its worth him leaving his gf for u hun; like would you stay together for a while or just fling

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Wh...?

I think you might have posted in the wrong thread there, or got confused. He doesn't have a girlfriend. Don't think he ever has done.

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