I feel like my eating habits are getting out of control. Watch
I am obsessed with food and weight. I spend a lot of time eating and thinking about food, and checking my weight whenever I pass the bathroom scales.
I don't have a set of accurate scales, but my BMI is mostly likely in the 'normal' range - around 19.5 to 21. Yet all I see on my body is a tonne of fat. I'm scared of putting on weight, and I want to weigh much less than I do now.
However, since starting university last September, I've been binge-eating (mainly on biscuits, chocolate and cereal) on a regular basis. Even when I feel sick after eating so much, I'll still carry on until the pack is finished. I don't enjoy these binges - I seem to be eating constantly just to distract myself from thinking about the failure that is my life.
Occasionally - usually on the days when I have little food at home and I'm too lazy to go to the shops - I have a good day when it comes to eating and I manage to restrict my intake. But those days don't happen often enough.
Also, I've recently started to make myself sick after the guilt and disgust of eating so much...
I know I'm making a big deal, but is this considered a normal behaviour? How do I learn to control these habits? Thinking about weight gain makes me anxious.
A confused anon x
(PS: I know I seem too much about my weight. I never judge anyone else by their weight - but I can't seem to do the same thing for myself...)
First of all, you seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food, you say you binge eat, why? Think about why you binge eat, and once you identify the cause you can begin to try correct it. If you are unhappy with your weight, consider exercise or going on a safe, controlled, healthy diet. Inducing vomiting to avoid gaining weight is very bad for you, so much in fact the behaviour is classed as bulimia, an eating disorder.
Also you mentioned self-image quite a bit, do you feel insecure over your weight, it yes, why? You used words such as 'guilt' and 'disgust' when referring to excessive eating, try working on self-confidence. Even something as simple as looking in the mirror and telling yourself 'I am beautiful' every day can make a big difference.
And one more thing, don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing, these issues might seem small now, but they could easily become something more serious if you don't take control now.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, nor am I claiming to give accurate medical advice, I'm simply a student giving my own opinion based on my own experiences in relation to what you have posted, if you feel the need to, seek advice from an actual medical professional. Also, I may be reading more into this than is actually there, I tend to have a 'worst-case-scenario' mentality. So don't let anything I've said scare you, just take care of yourself OP!