The Student Room Group

Is this unreasonable?

I'm seriously confused right now... theres this girl, and we both really like each other, and i love her lots. We go out on dates and stuff, and usually everything is cool. She knows i love her, but for some reason she rekons im not telling the truth when i said i love her, as i cant really give a reason. i know in my heart of hearts that i am.

She asked me "why are you in love with me?" and it kinda stumped me, as i know i am through how i feel. She said "what characteristics cause you to feel this way about me?". I try and explain, but it seems as though its not the right answer - feels like doing alevels again - give an answer however logical but never worth a mark :confused:

One of her close friends i think keeps putting this idea into her head that if ur in love with someone, u knw why u are, for eg characteristics of the person that cause you to feel that way.

Im really not sure what to do or say - asfar as i can tell unless i give her an answer, we wont carry on talking or anything.

Someone please help me, this feels really stupid, and pointless as we both really like each other.
Thanks everyone
I don't think you can just say that you love someone without being able to explain why, even just partly.

There must be qualities and things about her that attract you to her - for example I love my boyfriend as he is caring, good looking, kind etc etc. Yet I also love my Mum (although in a different way!) because she has cared for me for the last 18 years.

If you say you love her, how about you sit down and really think why you do - think about her as a person and what you like about her.

Then of course we could get into the debate about what "love" really is - you might say you love her but love means different things to everyone.

Sarah xx
Reply 2
for me: Love is like an addiction, if you lost it you'd feel empty. That all the time in the world with that person would never be enough.

Maybe you just need think about it, what would life be like without her, what would you miss. And then just tell her, she obviously expects you to be able to come out with it all, i kinda agree with her you should know why you love her. Maybe its a girl thing, we expect a guy to know a reason behind such a declaration.
Reply 3
damnit, my best guy mate agreed with me.

I know the feeling inside of me is love, and i would be devastated without her in my life. i just kinda find it hard to put it into words on the spot u know...?

Ok thanks guys, it seems it is a girl thing. ill try and articulate it.
hugs
Good luck!
Reply 5
thank you guys :biggrin: - yeh hopefully ill be able to.
Reply 6
I don't really agree, I think you shouldn't have to define love. I do agree that you know when its gone but you don't necessarily know what or how you love someone. I love everything about my boyfriend, when I tell him I love him I don't specify how or why and I don't expect it either.

Loving a part of someone say their eyes or bum isn't the same as loving the person for who they are I think.

Love is love why define it and complicate it even more?
cat_meiow
Love is love why define it and complicate it even more?


Love isn't just love though.

He says he loves her but he might not love her as deeply as other people love their partners.

Love can be on so many different levels.

I didn't say he had to love a particular part of her body or whatever, but loving a person for who they are IS loving them for being caring etc etc, it's loving their personality and the way they behave etc etc.
Reply 8
lol i think thats a bit of a wierd question to ask, i mean your gf ones :s-smilie:
lil_one
lol i think thats a bit of a wierd question to ask, i mean your gf ones :s-smilie:


Do you mean the "Why do you love me?"

Perhaps she just isn't used to being loved so finds it hard to understand or accept why someone would love her.

Sarah xx
Reply 10
nah thats not it, as she has loads of guy mates who fancy her bigtime. she doesnt like any of them though as far as im aware. Perhaps this is a filter to see if im just like them or whether its something more?
Fancying is different to loving.
Reply 12
oh absolutely, i know - im just saying perhaps these guys have claimed or actually do to have loved her, or still do... i dont know. just a thought any opinions?
Well yeah, if they've said to her they love her she probably finds it hard to believe you actually love her. If she's so used to being told "I love you" why should you be any different?

Seriously, I think you need to tell her exactly what you've been saying on here.

Sarah xx
Sazarina88
Well yeah, if they've said to her they love her she probably finds it hard to believe you actually love her. If she's so used to being told "I love you" why should you be any different?

Seriously, I think you need to tell her exactly what you've been saying on here.

Sarah xx


I agree so true.
It sounds to me as though she's insecure to ask a question like that (not something I would say if my boyfriend said he loved me). In which case you need to reassure her. Think of her best qualities, what she does to make you happy, why you enjoy spending time with her. Thinking of things like these might help, though I do agree that sometimes what you love about someone isn't always tangiable and love is never easy to define.
i would make a whole speech on about how you love her nose,eyes,strange characteristics, the way she looks in morning, her stupid jokes etc etc just anything related to what she does.
Reply 17
im not really making it up though...:rolleyes:

im not trying to just appease her here, i mean she really wants to know, so i think its my duty really to make sure she knows the exact truth...