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Totally inept with the female species
Hello people
I want, i need, a girl for a friend, maybe even a girlfriend. THe problem with me is, that I'm scared of girls. I was brought up in a predominatly male environment and until I started university I have never been close to a girl at all. I am in my 3rd year of university now and I don't have a female friend at all. I am a pretty sensitive guy, I used to be a musician, i used to creative write, I spend a lot of time reading.
I try to go out with my friends, go clubbing and to the pub and such, but I can't make a move with a girl, even just for a friendly chat. I am so underconfident. I wish that a girl would approach me and be friends! Is that too much to ask? Maybe I'm just hopeless and I should spend the rest of my life celebate with no female friends.
I want, i need, a girl for a friend, maybe even a girlfriend. THe problem with me is, that I'm scared of girls. I was brought up in a predominatly male environment and until I started university I have never been close to a girl at all. I am in my 3rd year of university now and I don't have a female friend at all. I am a pretty sensitive guy, I used to be a musician, i used to creative write, I spend a lot of time reading.
I try to go out with my friends, go clubbing and to the pub and such, but I can't make a move with a girl, even just for a friendly chat. I am so underconfident. I wish that a girl would approach me and be friends! Is that too much to ask? Maybe I'm just hopeless and I should spend the rest of my life celebate with no female friends.
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Could a girl PM me with some advice please? If you say you are willing to help on this thread I can message you and maybe we could chat about it.
You're not hopeless at all! Don't think that about yourself please.
You just don't have the experience of approaching girls - in the situations you describe (such as in a club or pub) I think it can seem quite daunting to approach someone you like the look of.
Have any of your male friends got friends that are girls? How about going out with your male friends but asking them to invite their girl friends along as well - this way the atmosphere is likely to be more relaxed and hopefully you can join in group conversations and then move on to one-to-one chats.
Don't rush things - take your time and I'm sure you will get there.
Good luck!
Sarah xx
You just don't have the experience of approaching girls - in the situations you describe (such as in a club or pub) I think it can seem quite daunting to approach someone you like the look of.
Have any of your male friends got friends that are girls? How about going out with your male friends but asking them to invite their girl friends along as well - this way the atmosphere is likely to be more relaxed and hopefully you can join in group conversations and then move on to one-to-one chats.
Don't rush things - take your time and I'm sure you will get there.
Good luck!
Sarah xx
My guy friends sometimes invite female friends, i just end up not talking to them but talking with my guy friends. I am totally hopeless. I'll be a virgin for the rest of my life!!
Girls are so lucky, guys always come to you for dates!
Girls are so lucky, guys always come to you for dates!
^^^^^^^^
What she said.
Also, you should seek out some Societies at your uni, and you can meet like-minded girls! There's a brilliant one at my uni that's a creative writing society (I only attend sporadically, but it's good fun) and plenty of girls go there who I chat to, both at the society meetings AND just generally. And that's the first step
What she said.
Also, you should seek out some Societies at your uni, and you can meet like-minded girls! There's a brilliant one at my uni that's a creative writing society (I only attend sporadically, but it's good fun) and plenty of girls go there who I chat to, both at the society meetings AND just generally. And that's the first step
Anonymous
Girls are so lucky, guys always come to you for dates!
Not necessarily, bit of a sweeping statement IMO.
And you won't be a virgin for the rest of your life! I think you need to get over the psychological barrier that it appears you have "I can't talk to girls" leads to "I won't have a boyfriend" leads to "I will be a virgin for the rest of my life".
Honestly, just relax when you're around girls - they're really not scary - I'd persevere with being around girls as well as your male friends .. the hardest bit will be taking the first step to talking properly to the first girl .. after that it's a doddle
Sarah xx
Sazarina is going down the right path. You need to start talking to female friends of your mates, best way to try and strike up conversation is simply to listen to what they are talking about, and then join in when you hear a subject you're familiar with. For this you are best off being in a reasonably quiet pub, in a medium sized group of maybe 5-10 people.
I personally can't just approach girls either, I don't have the confidence, and in some ways I don't want that to change. I at least know that the girls who my mates introduce me to are going to be reasonably nice, and will talk back to you as opposed to blanking you out, seeing as you've been introduced as a friend.
I personally can't just approach girls either, I don't have the confidence, and in some ways I don't want that to change. I at least know that the girls who my mates introduce me to are going to be reasonably nice, and will talk back to you as opposed to blanking you out, seeing as you've been introduced as a friend.
Anonymous
Could a girl PM me with some advice please? .
The best people to ask for advice on this issue are guys, not girls. Guys are the ones who have been in your situation. The first thing I will say is that in order to meet and socialise with girls you have to have an active social life. As someone else suggested go to university clubs and join societies so you will get a chance to interact with more people. This is the first step to improving your confidence around people, especialy girls. Imprive your own life before you start worrying about girlfriends.
Also, you have to be confident in yourself so start going to the gym and get into shape, buy some decent clothes and make an effort with your appearance. By doing this things you will gain confidence in yourself and feel more comfortable around people. Only when you are confident and respect yourself can you expect other people to be attracted to you. Finally, I would say try taking yourself outside your comfort zone and talking to new people. Don't be the 'nice' guy all the time and have the courage to be yourself and give your opinions around people. Don't worry about what other people think of you all the time. Good luck and I hope you situation improves.
Amnesia
Also, you have to be confident in yourself so start going to the gym and get into shape, buy some decent clothes and make an effort with your appearance.
Also, you have to be confident in yourself so start going to the gym and get into shape, buy some decent clothes and make an effort with your appearance.
You gave some really good advice but he might be happy with his appearance and his clothes?
Sazarina88
You gave some really good advice but he might be happy with his appearance and his clothes?
I am just trying to cover all the possible reasons for his lack of confidence. If he is happy with his appearance then thats fine, but often it is one of the issues which contribute to underconfidence around the opposite sex. And even if he is happy with himself there is nothing wrong with improving as it will no doubt help once he does start approaching women.
I agree that guys might be able to give better advice on this than us - we don't know what makes it hard to speak to us!
I wouldn't necessarily try talking to new people in clubs or whatever, as they're not particularly conversational places. Just speak to people in societies, there are bound to be girls there. We really aren't aliens, honest!
I wouldn't necessarily try talking to new people in clubs or whatever, as they're not particularly conversational places. Just speak to people in societies, there are bound to be girls there. We really aren't aliens, honest!
Amnesia
The best people to ask for advice on this issue are guys, not girls. Guys are the ones who have been in your situation. The first thing I will say is that in order to meet and socialise with girls you have to have an active social life. As someone else suggested go to university clubs and join societies so you will get a chance to interact with more people. This is the first step to improving your confidence around people, especialy girls. Imprive your own life before you start worrying about girlfriends.
Also, you have to be confident in yourself so start going to the gym and get into shape
Also, you have to be confident in yourself so start going to the gym and get into shape
Although I agree with you here, but bulking up takes ages!
, buy some decent clothes and make an effort with your appearance.
Yes that is important. For the reasons you have stated below....
By doing this things you will gain confidence in yourself and feel more comfortable around people. Only when you are confident and respect yourself can you expect other people to be attracted to you. Finally, I would say try taking yourself outside your comfort zone and talking to new people. Don't be the 'nice' guy all the time and have the courage to be yourself and give your opinions around people. Don't worry about what other people think of you all the time. Good luck and I hope you situation improves.
I bet you a tenner this will end up turning into another nice guy vs bad boy thread
Amnesia
And even if he is happy with himself there is nothing wrong with improving as it will no doubt help once he does start approaching women.
But he may be the hottest guy in the world! Just not confident...
But true, you were covering all angles.
Sarah xx
Sazarina88
But he may be the hottest guy in the world! Just not confident...
But true, you were covering all angles.
Sarah xx
But true, you were covering all angles.
Sarah xx
Yeah...I can imagine that growing up in an environment surrounded by men does not help at all. As he is probably not used to talking to girls - as afterall they are different to guys. So he probably freezes when he is put into a situation where is has to converse with a girl he likes.
xyz2k6
Although I agree with you here, but bulking up takes ages!
It is well worth the results though
xyz2K6
I bet you a tenner this will end up turning into another nice guy vs bad boy thread
Hopefully not!
Sazarina88
But he may be the hottest guy in the world! Just not confident...
Believe me, if he was the hottest guy in the world he would have more confidence. He can improve these aspects though.
Just because someone is hot doesn't mean they are confident.
Anyway, we're going off topic a bit here - I'm sure with all the advice given the OP can at least start to try to get more confident with girls.
Good luck,
Sarah xx
Anyway, we're going off topic a bit here - I'm sure with all the advice given the OP can at least start to try to get more confident with girls.
Good luck,
Sarah xx
I find it hard to make friends generally, but I can do 'guy talk' to guys which puts me in well with them. Talking about my martial arts or physical grooming isn't an object of conversation that girls would like.
I've joined some societies, I just end up in the committees organising events, rather than making female friends, or even male friends for that matter. I go to socials and clubs with my male friends back home, but I just feel awkward and incapable in those social situations. Maybe it's worth noting that I have depression. Which lowers my confidence a lot. Maybe I'm just not appealing to any girl since I have too many issues.
I've joined some societies, I just end up in the committees organising events, rather than making female friends, or even male friends for that matter. I go to socials and clubs with my male friends back home, but I just feel awkward and incapable in those social situations. Maybe it's worth noting that I have depression. Which lowers my confidence a lot. Maybe I'm just not appealing to any girl since I have too many issues.
Amnesia
It is well worth the results though
Though can be depressing when it takes ages just to gain a few pounds and look bigger! Being consistant is so so difficult.
Believe me, if he was the hottest guy in the world he would have more confidence. He can improve these aspects though.
If he was "the hottest guy in the world" he would probably have women approaching him every time he is in a social environment....But then again looks are very subjective!
Anonymous
Maybe I'm just not appealing to any girl since I have too many issues.
Maybe you're not appealing to any girl because you put yourself down a lot.
Have you seen a doctor about your depression? Might be worth doing so.
Too many issues? wot did u mean by that
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