Is it vain to want to improve my looks a lot just to attract girls?

I'm not sure. I consider myself fairly ugly. This isn't a self-image thing, it's just a result of so little interest from girls (18 year old male). I guess I need to accept how much looks can play a role in relationships today. Yes, once you're in a relationship or once you really get to know someone looks become less and less important but being physically attracted to someone can often be the starting point even if we try not to think that way.

I'm thinking teeth whitening (hate my teeth, fairly yellow), getting a tan (really pale), stuff like that. Would these kind of changes make me appear really vain?

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Reply 1

flipflap99

if it would boost your confidence sure. its hardly necessary and would be a placebo, but you hardly gonna lose anything by doing it

Reply 2

Octohedral

Not vain, sensible (so long as you don't overdo it and go orange :tongue:

).

I'm a girl who never wears make-up, and on the rare occasions I do I'm completely shocked by how differently people see me. The truth is that 95% of your age and social group will be making a huge effort, even if they hide it - that's what we're hardwired for. The rest of us have no chance unless we do the same (or are just born beautiful, but even then you need to make an effort with clothes and weight).

Keep it subtle though. Even things like keeping your fingernails neat and clean (I know you're a boy - they don't have to be manicured), and wearing clean, well fitting stylish clothes send out the message that you are willing to put effort into your appearance.

Reply 3

Get_Buckets

It's not vain, that's a good way to get noticed more.

Reply 4

Treeroy

No, it's normal to want to do that. I'd definitely like my teeth whitened (assuming I can keep them that way), and I managed to get a doctor's prescription for treatment for spots (even though I'm not very spotty; just wanted a good solution to make myself completely clean). Just little things like keeping my nails neat, being entirely clean-shaven all the time, make me (and anyone else) look better. I changed my sleeping pattern so that I have a shower in the morning rather than the evening, as my hair is softer if washed in the morning. Not big things, but they do make a difference, and they're not hard to do. Wearing nice clothes is a huge one, but you also have to put some time and money in for that. (Which may or may not be worth it for you)

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

9MmBulletz

Original post by Treeroy

No, it's normal to want to do that. I'd definitely like my teeth whitened (assuming I can keep them that way), and I managed to get a doctor's prescription for treatment for spots (even though I'm not very spotty; just wanted a good solution to make myself completely clean). Just little things like keeping my nails neat, being entirely clean-shaven all the time, make me (and anyone else) look better. I changed my sleeping pattern so that I have a shower in the morning rather than the evening, as it's softer if washed in the morning. Not big things, but they do make a difference, and they're not hard to do. Wearing nice clothes is a huge one, but you also have to put some time and money in for that. (Which may or may not be worth it for you)

Can't your boyfriend do that?

Spoiler

Reply 6

Leftee

I'd be careful with teeth whitening.
Most DIY kits apparently suck and the treatment you can get via dentists costs a bomb. Not to mention your teeth can become hyper sensitive and they'll sting when it's cold out etc.

The things we do to look pretty. :tongue:

Reply 7

Jebedee

It's going to take a bit more than teeth whitening and tanning. What I can say is if you're serious about teeth whitening and you've got the balls for it. Try Zoom. Hurts more than childbirth or a swift kick in the nuts. But unlike the other junk, it works.

Reply 8

NathanW18

It's not vain to want to improve your appearance. The vast majority of people attempt to make themselves look better. People that say they don't care are probably lying.

Reply 9

miser

It might make you appear vain to people not understanding your reasons but I don't think it would make you vain for the reason you give here. Vanity is excessive pride in your appearance, which you don't have and I doubt you will even if you do work on it. Any pride you gain will be hard-earned.

Reply 10

mojojojo101

Its not vain, vanity is excessive pride in ones appearance and what you've described isn't that.

However, in my opinion, changing the way you look, act or whatever, for the sole reason of attracting sexual partners is pathetic.

I don't have a problem with people looking any way they want, as long as they are doing it for themselves, not to impress other people.

Reply 11

ccstudent

I don't think looks are everything to begin with; I've been to events where people get together and it's always a surprise. A guy can be small, not particularly good looking, but can get with someone who is considered very attractive.

Honestly I think it's more about putting yourself out there, and having confidence up front. Even if you don't feel genuinely confident, sometimes just acting a certain away can get you far. It's natural to want to improve your looks and I wouldn't consider that vain, especially at 18.

Just put yourself out there more and take more of an initiative when you meet people, that will really help. :smile:

Reply 12

OllyBea

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve your self image. Anything that makes you more confident and happier without hurting others is always absolutely 100% supported.

Reply 13

Rascacielos

A little, but most of all I think it shows insecurity that your looks are the only thing you can rely on to attract girls. What about your personality?

Girls love a cut guy

It's not vain, it's the only way you'll be loved at our age, we're shallow and cold at heart, deal with it

All we ever wanted
Was to look good naked
Hope that someone would take it

God save me rejection
From my reflection
I want perfection

Jesus didn't die for you

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 16

AdampskiB

Original post by Anonymous

Nah, it's normal to do it I'd say. It's nature for one sex to attract another by flaunting their stuff. It's good to take pride in yourself as it can help you in so many ways, mainly confidence. But in turn of getting confidence it gives you a lot of help in many situations and scenarios of life (not just social, but big/fun/exciting/sad/tough decision making too).

Some people take their pride in themselves too far, it often sacrifices brain cells and that's really not cool. So if you can try and maintain who you are and not what you are then you're onto a decent girl as I'm sure they'll sense that in you, girls are telepathic I swear.

Reply 17

455409

I'm gonna threadjack and say the opposite, is it wrong to not take much interest in my appearance? Obviously i stay clean etc but i rarely buy new clothes and don't do anything with my hair except have it cut short, and i don't really care. Should I?