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Slightly weird question but how did you feel when...

Your ex gave back stuff to you? Like a couple letters & a teddy. I don't want them no more and i'll feel awful if i throw them away.

The reason i need to know is because i just want to know my ex's reaction, i know everyone is different but generally how would someone feel?

Kinda stupid question but this never happened to me so i don't know :confused:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

If it is the ex's stuff i.e their cd's, their clothes then give them back. If it is stuff that they gave to you as presents then dont give them back, whats the point???

If you don't want them whats to say they will. It just seems to be causing problems for no reason.

Reply 2

pumpkin7

13

it's up to you if you keep them. no one will look at you any differently if you do. you will probably find you get rid of them in a few years though.. but meh.. see how it goes :smile:

if not, give them to other people as presents :p:

Reply 3

Talon

18

If my ex gave back presents id given her, id be deeply offended.

Reply 4

Sharp_Shooter

1

Anonymous

Your ex gave back stuff to you? Like a couple letters & a teddy. I don't want them no more and i'll feel awful if i throw them away.

The reason i need to know is because i just want to know my ex's reaction, i know everyone is different but generally how would someone feel?

Kinda stupid question but this never happened to me so i don't know :confused:

Donate the stuff to charity...
then depending on who ended the relationship, hire the mafia to take him out :wink:

Reply 5

Glory

1

id never give them back if they were gifts. Id either throw them out or donate them to charity, where they can become something good.

Reply 6

erk

14

giving gifts back is weird.

I've had a couple of ex's who have said they have a box of stuff ex bfs have given them. afterall, if you have good memories, why throw them out? you may look back when your old.

having said that, i throw most things out, the only thing i kept was a bit of a string one gf gave to me. weird. :|

Reply 7

Rugar

1

You could give them to charity

Or put them in a 'time capsule' so that one day you may open it in the future and think 'oh this is the time when I was dating ...'

Reply 8

kennyboy

when my ex broke up with me i gave her a large box of stuff back. SOme of it stuff she had left round mine, some of it stuff that we had bought together, some of it stuff that she had bought me as presents. There was a photo frame with a collage of photos of the 2 of us that she had made me for valentines day with a message on the back saying how she would never do anything to hurt me and that she'd love me forever blah blah blah. She cheated on me and then left me for another guy so i didnt think it meant that much - i gave it back. A lot of the stuff in the box was designed to show her what had been (letters and stuff) and what she'd ****ed up. It hurt her a lot, but then that was the idea. She came grovelling about 2 months later and i turned her away.

Moral is that if you want to someone emotional, give em back. If you just want to move on, then give them away or chuck them away, especially if like me you have nowhere to store it. Its got to be about feels right to you, cause your the most importan person in the ex-relationship.

NB Also note, keeping stuff an ex gave you might lead to a hard time from the next partner - an insecurity jealousy thing!

Reply 9

sssh

10

If they were things you borrowed, but then you split up with him before you had chance to give them back or you forgot to give them back, you ought to give them back. However, if they were presents then it would be really impolite to give them back.

I say the first thing because my ex-boyfriend kept some DVDs I'd lent him - after deliberating over it for weeks, I asked for them back because I'd been wanting to lend one to a friend. I'd just been getting increasingly annoyed, while wondering if it would be mean to ask for them back. When of course it wouldn't be logically, because they are mine; though it would be awkward. He still has my Bob Dylan 'No Direction Home' DVDs that I lent him before I'd even watched them, but he gave me back two others. I'm still bitter that he has those when I haven't watched them - I might have to buy them again now. If it's something smaller like books or DVDs & you want to avoid an awkward meeting, you might consider posting them.

Reply 10

bunthulhu

14

Don't give them back because they were presents and I'm sure your ex would find it hurtful.

Keep them til you get over him then recycle the letters and give the teddy to charity :smile:

Reply 11

1013

1

You don't give letters and presents back! You don't have to keep them but for God's sake don't give them back. It's better to chuck them out.

Reply 12

Drogue

19

Don't do it. I almost did once: my ex kept a collection of things about our relationship in a book, a collection of thoughts almost. She gave it to me on our birthday, but then she cheated on me and broke it off a couple of weeks later. I thought at one point that I should give it back, as it wasn't the type of present that meant a lot throughout our relationship and had happy memories, since I hadn't become attached to the book in a happy way yet. I hadn't even read through all of it when it all happened. So to me the book just has unpleasant connotations, reading it just after the breakup, in a way that wasn't intended. However when I mentioned this to her, she was quite emotional. I didn't really think at the time that it might be an emotional thing for her too.

As has been said, if you want to upset your ex, it can be a way to do it. However if you actually care about them being happy, I wouldn't do it.

Reply 13

Fleece

15

Don't be so heartless. Giving back letters etc is a sure fire way to hurt your ex. Just throw them out if you don't want them.

Reply 14

emmathe37th

I'm with Fleece ^^ It's just gonna cause undue hurt. What's the point?

I do wish my ex would have given me the Black Books DVDs he bought me as a present, and my Jenga, and the Position A Day book. I mean it's not like he's gonna use it... *sigh*

Reply 15

Loulee

^ I agree. If they were given to you then they are yours. do what you want with them but i wouldnt give them back if i were you.
my ex asked me for the money back that he had spent on me. cheeky bastard

Reply 16

stainedglass

1

I threw everything away that reminded me of my ex because it wasn't a good relationship. It reminded me too much of him to keep the letters and gifts so I threw them away. It was a good step in getting over him. So either throw the presents away or give them to charity. If you had a happy relationship and want to remember the better times keep them. It will hurt your ex a lot more if you give them back.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Fleece

Don't be so heartless. Giving back letters etc is a sure fire way to hurt your ex. Just throw them out if you don't want them.

It's not a matter of being heartless, i'm in the same position as kennyboy. She promised we would be forever but i was being used all along and she cheated on me the whole way through our relationship. If she gets upset about it then maybe she'll realise she can't do that to people and not cheat on her current bf like she did with me.

Problem with the charity thing is, i just feel weird about giving something that means so much to me to a random person. I don't think i can do it, i rather destroy it. Nothing bad to the charity people, i just don't want the teddy to be given to anyone except kept with me or my ex cause it was a special one. I think i'll wait a few months before i decide what to do as right now i'm too hurt to make a decision that'll be right for me.

ps: thanks for everyone's comments, it's good to see the variety of thoughts.

Reply 18

hippieglitter

19

I'd be really hurt if my ex gave back stuff i'd given him as presents. He still has a book of mine that i want back, but i haven't given back anything that he gave me, which includes one of his shirts which i still wear and in the unlikely event that i ever break up with my current boyf i am sure as hell not giving back my Tiffany bracelet.

Reply 19

Apricot Fairy

16

Giving back letters and presents is about hurting your ex, rather than moving on. Even if they swore they'd love you forever whilst secretly shagging your best mate, there's nothing to be gained from giving stuff back just to hurt them.

I still have all the presents and cards my ex-boyfriend gave me, and a letter he wrote me when I was going on holiday, to remind me how much he loved me. They were painful to look at when we'd just split up, but now I like to get the letters and cards out from time to time and look at them, because they trigger happy memories of a great relationship. (That said, the relationship didn't end in bitter betrayal; maybe I'd feel differently if it had.) The CDs and bears and stuff I still have knocking around generally with all the rest of my stuff. No one but me would know they were presents.

So yeah, with presents either keep them or chuck them out. Don't give them back. But I'd recommend putting them in a box somewhere and then getting them out six months or so later before deciding what to do with them. Sometimes in the heat of all the emotion you can throw things out because the memories are too painful and then regret it later.

Things they lent you should be given back.*

*says the girl who still has four CDs and a sweatshirt belonging to someone she split up with two years ago...

Slightly weird question but how did you feel when...

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