Friend Didn't Return Present. Is this Rude?

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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As the title says, I bought one of my friends a present for her birthday - perfume. Pretty expensive one at that. When it came to my birthday she got me nothing, and I've pretty much known her for the best part of 3 years now. She just messaged me happy birthday. I know you should never give to receive , but I just found it a bit rude that she didn't return the gift at least...I wouldn't have even cared about the price, for me it was just about the gesture...

Do people think I'm being unreasonable? I've started to have doubts about our friendship anyway as I'm beginning to see at times she can be selfish.

Advice would be appreciated!
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Anonymous #1
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Just to add: In fact, she told me she found it rude that I never wished her happy birthday on the exact day of her birthday (I wished her happy birthday in advance as I was talking to her, and just said, in case I forget). The irony
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Trix465
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Well its a difficult one - as you've already said you shouldn't give to receive. I'm usually quite generous when buying my friends presents but I don't ever expect anything, or anything of the same value back but at the same time if they don't then you do feel a little "unloved". However you have to take into account some people just can't afford it, might not have had time or been incredibly stressed about other things etc.

Does your friend buy other people presents? Also what else has started to give you the impression she is quite selfish?
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allthetime
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Thats really rude. I totally get the whole "not giving to receive" thing but that takes the piss!

However, how far apart are your birthdays? And have you seen her since your birthday so you know no present is actually on its way? Does she have some major life-issues going on at the moment that could make her forget you bought her something nice?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trix465)
Well its a difficult one - as you've already said you shouldn't give to receive. I'm usually quite generous when buying my friends presents but I don't ever expect anything, or anything of the same value back but at the same time if they don't then you do feel a little "unloved". However you have to take into account some people just can't afford it, might not have had time or been incredibly stressed about other things etc.

Does your friend buy other people presents? Also what else has started to give you the impression she is quite selfish?
Not sure whether she buys other people gifts. But like everything just seems to be about her tbh, which gives me the impression she's quite a selfish person.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by allthetime)
Thats really rude. I totally get the whole "not giving to receive" thing but that takes the piss!

However, how far apart are your birthdays? And have you seen her since your birthday so you know no present is actually on its way? Does she have some major life-issues going on at the moment that could make her forget you bought her something nice?
Her birthday is in August, Mine is January. And I've not seen her since, I've pretty much cut her out of my life tbh. And she's def not going through anything cos we would speak all the time.

Also, she works so I know she has money. Like I said, I wouldn't have even cared if it was a card, just to show that someone has made the effort...everyone who I've given a gift to has always returned it in some capacity.
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Anonymous #1
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In fact, she actually said a week before my birthday "don't forget it's your bday next week". Lol, I made a joke about forgetting my bday last year
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corax
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It does seem pretty rude, especially since you've known her a long time.

If a friend gets me a present I always buy them something in return. It's simply manners and shows that you care about them.


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si82
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I would think she's rude or selfish.
Just don't buy her a present again.
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IndianDancer
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It does seem really rude to me. You have every right to be annoyed. But forget about it...my friend didn't do anything but wish me whereas I'm getting her something (well I'm chipping in some money) cuz I just can't be bothered keeping track of these things LOL. Keep an eye on her though. If she repeatedly does this then its not right. Maybe some people just aren't the present giving types? Maybe she's broke and can't spare any on your present? Just let it go for now I guess haha
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EarthlingyThingy
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You gave a present, she didn't. She gave a text, so next time, don't give her a text either.

Kidding really, but you should just move on, some people are naturally selfish; you're less so, so be happy with that.
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Miel Purple
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#12
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Don't buy anyone an expensive present unless they do it first....that way you wouldn't need to get annoyed.
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alibee
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#13
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I don't have money to be spending on presents for people. I definitely appreciate any presents I receive but I wouldn't be returning them. You can't really control what you're given...

In my opinion, it's an odd thing to be getting in a mood over. Seems pretty childish...
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meenu89
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Just don't buy her a present for the next time.
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anonymouspie227
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Maybe she didn't have money?
I've wanted to buy my friend something for her birthday but I didn't have money at the time. It happens.
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Polkadot2
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I do think it is rude but don't question your friendship until you have spoken to your friend. Perhaps they have financial issues atm and are too embarrassed to admit that? Be tactful if you say anything but I don't think I would as it is a bit rude and embarrassing. Check that you're friend is ok etc.

When was your birthday ? Perhaps your friend is organising a party or a later gift
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College_Dropout
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#17
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So you understand you shouldnt give to receive but you are still annoyed by this. Sounds like its your problem and not you friends.
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Plumstone
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#18
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Hmm, I find this difficult because I've been given Christmas and birthday presents by a friend and didn't get her anything for her.

I did tell her that I didn't want anything and we haven't really known each other that long, but she insisted that she just likes finding presents for people. So now I'm in a position where I feel obliged to get presents for her next year because she got me something even though I didn't want anything in the first place!

I think that if you get someone a present, it should be because you want to give it to them on the assumption that they won't get anything for you. If you were going to feel hurt by no reciprocation then you shouldn't have got such an expensive present in the first place.

Obviously, if someone is consistently selfish/unreasonable then they're not the kind of person you want in your life, but if she is otherwise a good friend then I don't think this is enough to make a big fuss over.
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Crookers
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OP are you a dude? Because if you are, smells like friendzone. If not, just don't get her a present in future.

edit: and by that, I mean that if you are a dude, it sounds like you bought her expensive perfume because you like her and are annoyed that she didn't get you anything because it means she doesn't like you back. If you're a girl she's probably just not a very good friend or one of the many reasons above.
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Drizz
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#20
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I wouldn't get her anything on her birthday from now on.
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