Why can't I let go of the feelings I have for her? Please advise!
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Original post by snikutsmullac
I was going to write something supportive, but after seeing how long the post is...
thanks buddy for your support, but it's advice that I needed!
Say what you need to say if you think it will give you peace of mind. However:
a) Stop worrying about what she might feel/think as she certainly does't give that much effort to what you think/feel
b) you saying anything to her will not change the relationship
c) give up on this notion of being friends. It will not work, nor will it be beneficial to you.
Best wishes.
a) Stop worrying about what she might feel/think as she certainly does't give that much effort to what you think/feel
b) you saying anything to her will not change the relationship
c) give up on this notion of being friends. It will not work, nor will it be beneficial to you.
Best wishes.
Original post by Spongebob'sPants
Say what you need to say if you think it will give you peace of mind. However:
a) Stop worrying about what she might feel/think as she certainly does't give that much effort to what you think/feel
b) you saying anything to her will not change the relationship
c) give up on this notion of being friends. It will not work, nor will it be beneficial to you.
Best wishes.
a) Stop worrying about what she might feel/think as she certainly does't give that much effort to what you think/feel
b) you saying anything to her will not change the relationship
c) give up on this notion of being friends. It will not work, nor will it be beneficial to you.
Best wishes.
Thanks for the advice - I'm planning on speaking to her either today or tomorrow (given that she's willing to talk about it) and will pretty much just tell her everything I need to say.
As far as the self-respect issue stands, yes I agree with what people say but I don't really care what she will think about me afterwards. All I am telling her is that I still love her and if she isn't mature enough to understand then so be it. I am back to that stage where I can't sleep at night thinking about her, and I do feel that if I open up completely it will make me feel relaxed as well (or I hope so anyway!).
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the advice - I'm planning on speaking to her either today or tomorrow (given that she's willing to talk about it) and will pretty much just tell her everything I need to say.
As far as the self-respect issue stands, yes I agree with what people say but I don't really care what she will think about me afterwards. All I am telling her is that I still love her and if she isn't mature enough to understand then so be it. I am back to that stage where I can't sleep at night thinking about her, and I do feel that if I open up completely it will make me feel relaxed as well (or I hope so anyway!).
As far as the self-respect issue stands, yes I agree with what people say but I don't really care what she will think about me afterwards. All I am telling her is that I still love her and if she isn't mature enough to understand then so be it. I am back to that stage where I can't sleep at night thinking about her, and I do feel that if I open up completely it will make me feel relaxed as well (or I hope so anyway!).
If you're sure about talking with her, just do it ASAP to get it over with, rather than drag it out and carry on staying up all night.
I know its tough: i hope it works out for you, but i'd say hope for the best, expect the worst.
Good luck.
so I did speak to her today - firstly we just had a normal conversation for about an hour. afterwards, i said that I needed to discuss something important, and I basically told her everything I wanted to say. I asked her to be as blunt as she possibly could be and tell me what she wanted. So the outcome…
She admitted that she's the type of girl who doesn't like to restrict herself to one thing (one person in this case) and that she feels she will never be able to settle down because of that. I also asked her very clearly if she had any feelings for me and she said that she did, they won't just go away all of a sudden but she doesn't want anything more than a friendship. I then clarified whether it was a case of wanting time off, and then re-evaluating to which she said 'No, I don't think its that…' but she still wants us to be good friends. She felt that I was hating her for some reason which annoyed her, and thats why she would contact me from time to time to see how I reacted towards her, and also because she felt guilty and thought it would be nice of her to spend some time with me occasionally to make me feel better.
I told her how my feelings hadn't changed over the past 2 months, and I pretty much asked her what she thinks I should do. She replied that it will take time but I will be fine… especially as its my first relationship. She said that she doesn't want to give it a second chance because she knows that she will mess up again, and she doesn't want to play around with me. She initially got together with me because she felt that she could overcome her commitment issue, but she doesnt think that she will be able to. She said that I will eventually find someone who deserves me and can respect me for who I am.
She went on to tell me how she is getting addicted to alcohol recently, and although I still am worried for her, I feel as if its her life and if she wants to mess it up then its not my problem anymore.
At the end of it all, she made it very clear that we will never be anything more than friends and I must say that I feel a little bit relieved now because I have heard it all from her mouth and it is crystal clear now. I would like to thank all of you who supported me, and although the next few months will be tough I am sure that things will heal.
She admitted that she's the type of girl who doesn't like to restrict herself to one thing (one person in this case) and that she feels she will never be able to settle down because of that. I also asked her very clearly if she had any feelings for me and she said that she did, they won't just go away all of a sudden but she doesn't want anything more than a friendship. I then clarified whether it was a case of wanting time off, and then re-evaluating to which she said 'No, I don't think its that…' but she still wants us to be good friends. She felt that I was hating her for some reason which annoyed her, and thats why she would contact me from time to time to see how I reacted towards her, and also because she felt guilty and thought it would be nice of her to spend some time with me occasionally to make me feel better.
I told her how my feelings hadn't changed over the past 2 months, and I pretty much asked her what she thinks I should do. She replied that it will take time but I will be fine… especially as its my first relationship. She said that she doesn't want to give it a second chance because she knows that she will mess up again, and she doesn't want to play around with me. She initially got together with me because she felt that she could overcome her commitment issue, but she doesnt think that she will be able to. She said that I will eventually find someone who deserves me and can respect me for who I am.
She went on to tell me how she is getting addicted to alcohol recently, and although I still am worried for her, I feel as if its her life and if she wants to mess it up then its not my problem anymore.
At the end of it all, she made it very clear that we will never be anything more than friends and I must say that I feel a little bit relieved now because I have heard it all from her mouth and it is crystal clear now. I would like to thank all of you who supported me, and although the next few months will be tough I am sure that things will heal.
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