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Why are better people often patronised?
I could understand when a person with a big shot attitude comes through as not very nice. Quite often, though, having a big shot attitude doesn't necessarily mean that such people are not nice... it's just an attitude.
What I find sad is when people who are, for whatever reason, really better than others, are patronised as if they should feel guilty about having something better or being better at something.
Is this done to balance their positive difference?
Or are other people simply jealous and don't want to admit it?
Sometimes even the most humble people must suffer for being better at something.
What I find sad is when people who are, for whatever reason, really better than others, are patronised as if they should feel guilty about having something better or being better at something.
Is this done to balance their positive difference?
Or are other people simply jealous and don't want to admit it?
Sometimes even the most humble people must suffer for being better at something.
Scroll to see replies
Anonymous
I could understand when a person with a big shot attitude comes through as not very nice. Quite often, though, having a big shot attitude doesn't necessarily mean that such people are not nice... it's just an attitude.
What I find sad is when people who are, for whatever reason, really better than others, are patronised as if they should feel guilty about having something better or being better at something.
Is this done to balance their positive difference?
Or are other people simply jealous and don't want to admit it?
Sometimes even the most humble people must suffer for being better at something.
What I find sad is when people who are, for whatever reason, really better than others, are patronised as if they should feel guilty about having something better or being better at something.
Is this done to balance their positive difference?
Or are other people simply jealous and don't want to admit it?
Sometimes even the most humble people must suffer for being better at something.
Well believing that you are superior to someone is quite different to being better than someone at something. When people actually think they are better than others, it's a vile personality trait and I can understand how people try to bring them 'down to Earth'. But yeah, I know what you mean, even the most humble talented people are often patronised and I've never understood this. When there's humility I can see no other reason but jealousy for this patronising, and I see lots of people doing it.
It depends on the attitude of the person who's better I suppose. If they are better and they know they are better and have no problem saying that they are better, then that's different to someone who is humbly better and doesn't talk about it.
Profesh
Trust me: it's jealousy.
Ditto
I think its stupid to term people as 'better', there better at what? better people, in general, they're kind and go out of their way for others? Better because they will be doctors or study law? Better because they have lots and friends and are popular?
See if nobody thought anyone was 'better' the world would be a nicer place because theres nothing worse than the arrogance, jealousy, superiority and whatever else that comes along with it.
Now the word better isn't making sense in my head, I;ve read it too much
See if nobody thought anyone was 'better' the world would be a nicer place because theres nothing worse than the arrogance, jealousy, superiority and whatever else that comes along with it.
Now the word better isn't making sense in my head, I;ve read it too much
I thought they meant better at a particular thing. Like drawing. Or singing. Or something.
I used to be great at football (not being big headed I had been invited to trials at Man Utd football academy) However some guy i was playing against with my local team slid into me with both feet after the game outside! I seriously injured the ligaments in my knee and now even have some trouble running for long periods of time!
I would call it jealousy
I would call it jealousy
I understand the value of being humble.
But sometimes I feel that people who are indeed better for something must be cautious - are forced to behave humbly if they don't want to come through as arrogant - as if it's their fault that they have a better skill, better luck, or anything that can be defined "better".
They can't even jokingly mention their qualities, while many people who are not really better consider it normal to exhibit themselves.
There's a difference between being better and thinking to be better. But should that necessarily mean that who is "better" should not be aware of it?
Is it the better person's fault if the world rotates around arrogance, jealousy, superiority and inferiority complexes?
I have several friends who are better than me in sports, life, wisdom, having fun and generally: being lucky.
Nonetheless, I'm not jealous of them, and I don't expect any of them to behave humbly. I accept their skills and am happy about how I am.
Some people may say that while certain people are very much better at some things, they're total loosers in other things. I feel that that kind of reasoning is an imposed idea to prevent others becoming jealous, and sometimes has its reflections in truth, maybe through the self-conviction of the people involved.
There are people who are much better than others at everything.
Probably they're even good at "being humble" and are aware of it.
So what? They're also humans and have the right to live, like us who are "down to earth".
But sometimes I feel that people who are indeed better for something must be cautious - are forced to behave humbly if they don't want to come through as arrogant - as if it's their fault that they have a better skill, better luck, or anything that can be defined "better".
They can't even jokingly mention their qualities, while many people who are not really better consider it normal to exhibit themselves.
See if nobody thought anyone was 'better' the world would be a nicer place because theres nothing worse than the arrogance, jealousy, superiority and whatever else that comes along with it.
There's a difference between being better and thinking to be better. But should that necessarily mean that who is "better" should not be aware of it?
Is it the better person's fault if the world rotates around arrogance, jealousy, superiority and inferiority complexes?
I have several friends who are better than me in sports, life, wisdom, having fun and generally: being lucky.
Nonetheless, I'm not jealous of them, and I don't expect any of them to behave humbly. I accept their skills and am happy about how I am.
Some people may say that while certain people are very much better at some things, they're total loosers in other things. I feel that that kind of reasoning is an imposed idea to prevent others becoming jealous, and sometimes has its reflections in truth, maybe through the self-conviction of the people involved.
There are people who are much better than others at everything.
Probably they're even good at "being humble" and are aware of it.
So what? They're also humans and have the right to live, like us who are "down to earth".
I think it's actually because we've got our values completely mangled regarding the good, and we've got a sort of populist idea. George Walden wrote something very interesting about this a while back in a book called The New Elites:
"Royal persons may not appear to serve much in the way of a practical purpose, yet the media have found a use for them, and popular they most certainly are. The public know what they like, they like royalty, and were infatuated with Princess Diana... What the public appear to be telling us about the monarchy is on any enlightened view retrograde, sexist and undemocratic: that you are a superior person if you are born into the Royal Family, and especially superior if you are a young woman who chances to be good-looking and who marries into it. Should you be a commoner and a male of indifferent looks and, by dint of talent and application, make yourself an expert on classical Greek literature, then you are suspected of elitism and placed, mentally, under armed guard. The conclusion would seem to be clear. In our populist democracy it is all right to be royal, sexy and not over-bright, not all right to be plain, a commoner and smart. Which makes nonsense of democracy. But there you are: the people, being sovereign, must be allowed their little quirks and contradictions." (p. 10)
As Walden points out, we aren't completely against people being better at something than others. For instance, if we are to have surgery, we quite clearly want to best qualified doctors to perform the operation. We want the best footballers to represent the nation in the World Cup. But we aren't quite so worried about having the best poets or the best artists or the best musicians or the best classical humanists.
"Royal persons may not appear to serve much in the way of a practical purpose, yet the media have found a use for them, and popular they most certainly are. The public know what they like, they like royalty, and were infatuated with Princess Diana... What the public appear to be telling us about the monarchy is on any enlightened view retrograde, sexist and undemocratic: that you are a superior person if you are born into the Royal Family, and especially superior if you are a young woman who chances to be good-looking and who marries into it. Should you be a commoner and a male of indifferent looks and, by dint of talent and application, make yourself an expert on classical Greek literature, then you are suspected of elitism and placed, mentally, under armed guard. The conclusion would seem to be clear. In our populist democracy it is all right to be royal, sexy and not over-bright, not all right to be plain, a commoner and smart. Which makes nonsense of democracy. But there you are: the people, being sovereign, must be allowed their little quirks and contradictions." (p. 10)
As Walden points out, we aren't completely against people being better at something than others. For instance, if we are to have surgery, we quite clearly want to best qualified doctors to perform the operation. We want the best footballers to represent the nation in the World Cup. But we aren't quite so worried about having the best poets or the best artists or the best musicians or the best classical humanists.
Russell_G
i get this alot. i often have people argue with me simply because i go to Oxford - i think it's jealousy really.
I also know some people who suffer for their identity because whenever they're among "normal people" - and if they want to be friendly - they must constantly avoid being themselves. They must lie, often downplaying their actual values and skills in order to avoid being attacked while doing normal chat and gossiping.
While this seems to be their only solution (especially for people who know that they're better), I feel that it's a serious manifestation of fake diplomacy and political correctness.
Humble people often get picked on the most, because they are otherwise nice people. Jealous people may fear comparison with 'better people' (either from others or internal criticism), and may be frustrated that they cannot hate the person openly as the brilliant person appears nice and humble.
Cue the criticising in order to reduce the brilliance gap.
Cue the criticising in order to reduce the brilliance gap.
The dumber people are, the louder they seem to be.
Nobody is any better than anyone else, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, that's all.
On what assumptions do you base such a statement?
It's all political correctness, or maybe an attempt to create a "balance of powers" among all people - but if you look around at really existing people, you may change your mind...
Anonymous
On what assumptions do you base such a statement?
It's all political correctness, or maybe an attempt to create a "balance of powers" among all people - but if you look around at really existing people, you may change your mind...
It's all political correctness, or maybe an attempt to create a "balance of powers" among all people - but if you look around at really existing people, you may change your mind...
Technically, not completely right.
I can see your sentiment - there exist people who appear (rightly or wrongly) 'better' or 'worse' than others. But these 'worse' people are better at making some people feel good about themselves. Conversely, so-called 'better' people are worse at improving peoples' self-esteem.
Someone branded a failure could just have different goals... a high-school achiever may really want to run a small bakery store, rather than go to university. Alternatively, someone could have thrown their whole life away... but these people make others feel superior. It could be a positive attribute? (Warped, but do you see where I'm coming from?)
Let me clarify my last post: maybe you wanted to say "Nobody should behave like a big shot." Because behaving in a certain arrogant way because you think you're better would result in you becoming the patroniser.
But how can we say "Nobody is any better than anyone else"?
There are over 6 billion people in the world and in our entire life we will meet only a tiny fraction of these people. How can we say, just because of a simple wisdom quote, that nobody is any better?
In my opinion, if we feed ourselves with such beliefs, we're more incline to reject and patronise people who are truly better than us (whether it's skills, luck, or as a human being, whatever you like) - and we will not accept anyone who is better than us.
And such an attitude can have its own negative chain reactions...
But how can we say "Nobody is any better than anyone else"?
There are over 6 billion people in the world and in our entire life we will meet only a tiny fraction of these people. How can we say, just because of a simple wisdom quote, that nobody is any better?
In my opinion, if we feed ourselves with such beliefs, we're more incline to reject and patronise people who are truly better than us (whether it's skills, luck, or as a human being, whatever you like) - and we will not accept anyone who is better than us.
And such an attitude can have its own negative chain reactions...
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