Is ending it always this hard?

For a little while now I' ve been striggling with my relationship. In many ways the young lady was the girl of my dreams, we got on so well and we seemed to connect in a way I've never connected before. But as time moved on, I wondered if I was ever comfortable. But I knew it was love... I believed it was love. And the great times would be amazing, but there were so many hard times, so many times when deep down I felt awkward, divided - I loved her but...

So it became a relatively long distance relationship... far enough apart that we could only see each other at weekends, and the pattern of great times, and odd times continued - so often odd, so rarely it seemed great. The last time was bad - nothing was wrong, we never faught, but I felt distant, I felt unconnected, and when it came time to wish her on her way at the station I couldn't wait for her to go.

So we were scheduled to meet this weekend too, but all during the week all I could think of was the end of things, that it was over, and I was debating with myself whether I would get off the train and suddenly end it when I saw her there. I was so sure the time was right, I was so sure that it was done, that my love had gone, and that to carry on would just be cruel to her - even though I knew she still loved me deeply.

Before we can meet up again, the conversation on the phone makes it almost impossible not to confess all of this to her, and it seems like I have to end it there. I didn't want it to end on the phone, but... So I do. And I crush her because I know just how much she loves me. And I hate it, but at the end it feels.. right.

But now I find myself looking at my phone aching for her. I miss her like nothing I've missed before. I wonder if I was premature with my actions, I wonder if I could have confessed that I was having problems and that maybe that could have cleared the air and it could have worked. I feel like I've ripped something out of myself. Suddenly I've gone from only being aware of what was troubling me, to only remembering what I loved about her and feeling like an ass, some stupid fool. I was so certain I made the right choice, now all I have is pain and doubt and a feeling of such emptiness.

How does anyone ever deal with this? It must have been the right thing to do. but when I feel like this I wonder if I was wrong that I had lost my love. So many doubts. so very many doubts. So much aching. I feel so awful. I feel so very very alone.

Reply 1

Glory

1

distance can change relationships no end. Even if you had still been together and the relationship wasn't long distance it may of still ended in the same manor. Break ups hurt and making you feel pretty bad, there like a rollorcoaster, but eventually the ride stops and it hurts a little less.

It sounds like you made the right choice, you may still love her but not be in love with her. Sounds like you want a more active relationship and weekends just isnt enough.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

what helps in dealing with it? What helps you come to terms with what you've done?

Reply 3

sone

Take a step back. Things seem intensely difficult at the moment. You haven't mentioned her reaction- she may have seen the writing on the wall before hand. You felt that way for a long time, and now you're just missing her- that's natural. I don't know how old you are, but if you weren't happy you weren't happy. Take it on the chin, some say life experience.

Time to move on, mending a broken heart by getting back together won't solve anything. If she really is your 'one' then you may get back another day when circumstances allow. Keep busy and try to get over her and look forward. Only my advice btw- just how I've dealt with things!

Is ending it always this hard?

Related discussions

Articles for you