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I'm Poor, She's Rich..
Hi Guys,
I'm in need of some advice about a girl I've kind of been seeing for a few weeks. We both kind of like each other but nothing is set in stone yet, despite having got with her in a club several times and coffee dates etc.
The only problem is that I come from a very poor family; my parents are gambling addicts and basically have blown everything, currently surviving off the welfare state and in constant fear of our home being repossessed.
I went to a dirt bottom state school that closed down, though somehow managed to get straight-As and make it to a Top12 RG university. I took a year out working for PwC on their Gap Year programme as I knew I would have financial difficulties etc..though this experience kind of exposed me to the middle-class lifestyle/culture and changed me completely by the time I started university.Basically, If you saw me in a lecture or around campus - you'd probably think I'm a 'Rah' somewhat.
Though on the other hand, this girl is basically a multi-millionaire - her family own a string of businesses and properties around the world. They're quite well-connected and I would probably estimate her net worth around £50-100m tbh. She went to one of the best private schools in London as well as being Grade 8 in piano, violin and some other instruments. She speaks French and Spanish as well as our native language (We're both Pakistani). At university, she has everything paid for and nothing worry about and even a car, whilst I sometimes have to live off soup or a pack of biscuits for the whole day and no financial support from my parents. They don't even own a car, so it feels weird when I sit in her car and how comfy it feels, compared to the bus that I'm used to travelling by back home.
I'm the first person in my family to attend University while she isn't and most her cousins/relatives are either doctors, lawyers, bankers or in business. I just feel as though she's way above my league even though we get on quite well, and I don't really want to hurt her in the future when I have to tell her the truth. Also, sometimes she has that mentality of thinking we're all equal and that everyone is doing quite well for themselves in life as she hasn't really experienced the neighbourhood/life I've had etc..and this kind of pisses me off/annoys me.
I was thinking it's just best to slowly cut it off and forget her as I know it can never work in the long-term..our backgrounds are just too vastly on the polar opposites. I also wouldn't really want to introduce her to my parents etc as they're quite uneducated and I think she would feel intimidated/awkward.
It's like Top 1% v Bottom 0.0000001%.
Much advice and thoughts are appreciated
Thanks
I'm in need of some advice about a girl I've kind of been seeing for a few weeks. We both kind of like each other but nothing is set in stone yet, despite having got with her in a club several times and coffee dates etc.
The only problem is that I come from a very poor family; my parents are gambling addicts and basically have blown everything, currently surviving off the welfare state and in constant fear of our home being repossessed.
I went to a dirt bottom state school that closed down, though somehow managed to get straight-As and make it to a Top12 RG university. I took a year out working for PwC on their Gap Year programme as I knew I would have financial difficulties etc..though this experience kind of exposed me to the middle-class lifestyle/culture and changed me completely by the time I started university.Basically, If you saw me in a lecture or around campus - you'd probably think I'm a 'Rah' somewhat.
Though on the other hand, this girl is basically a multi-millionaire - her family own a string of businesses and properties around the world. They're quite well-connected and I would probably estimate her net worth around £50-100m tbh. She went to one of the best private schools in London as well as being Grade 8 in piano, violin and some other instruments. She speaks French and Spanish as well as our native language (We're both Pakistani). At university, she has everything paid for and nothing worry about and even a car, whilst I sometimes have to live off soup or a pack of biscuits for the whole day and no financial support from my parents. They don't even own a car, so it feels weird when I sit in her car and how comfy it feels, compared to the bus that I'm used to travelling by back home.
I'm the first person in my family to attend University while she isn't and most her cousins/relatives are either doctors, lawyers, bankers or in business. I just feel as though she's way above my league even though we get on quite well, and I don't really want to hurt her in the future when I have to tell her the truth. Also, sometimes she has that mentality of thinking we're all equal and that everyone is doing quite well for themselves in life as she hasn't really experienced the neighbourhood/life I've had etc..and this kind of pisses me off/annoys me.
I was thinking it's just best to slowly cut it off and forget her as I know it can never work in the long-term..our backgrounds are just too vastly on the polar opposites. I also wouldn't really want to introduce her to my parents etc as they're quite uneducated and I think she would feel intimidated/awkward.
It's like Top 1% v Bottom 0.0000001%.
Much advice and thoughts are appreciated
Thanks
Scroll to see replies
Tell her the truth if you feel you have to.
Otherwise keep at it. It shouldn't be a barrier, but I guess it can be especially since it's the other way round. It's a shame though.
If it was that the girl was from a poor background and the guy was rich, nobody would bat an eyelid provided she wasn't leeching from him.
Otherwise keep at it. It shouldn't be a barrier, but I guess it can be especially since it's the other way round. It's a shame though.
If it was that the girl was from a poor background and the guy was rich, nobody would bat an eyelid provided she wasn't leeching from him.
(edited 10 years ago)
You're the one bringing it up. You're the one with the problem.
Why are Asians so ****ing obsessed with money?
Why are Asians so ****ing obsessed with money?
(edited 10 years ago)
If you don't want to risk your friendship with her, I'd probably tell her that not everyone is in the same financial position the next time she gives that impression and subtly build on that so she slowly learns what its like to be not so wealthy/ that poor exist. Her reaction to all that will give you a better idea on what to do...if she accepts then go for it, if its the opposite then maybe just remain friends. Best of luck 
what exactly is the issue here? have you lied to her? if not then whats the problem? Be honest in answering questions, dont be ashamed of where you came from but you dont have to make a big announcement about it. Most people date for ages without talking about family finances, its an irrelevant thing for most of us, although I accept in some cultures individuals are judged by what their families have done in the past, if you think she would judge you based on choices your parents happen to have made then she isnt worth anything.
Are you sure she doesn't know? How long have you been seeing each other? I think that despite the impression you think you are giving off, there are often little signs to suggest background/upbringing and wealth. She may, if observational, know already that you aren't the 'same' as her. So if I were you, I'd give talking to her about it lightly a go. You don't want to get into the relationship only to have it blow up for this reason further along, so be honest now, give her the chance to perhaps prove your worst fears wrong. Definitely don't just give up the relationship without trying something else, that's not good for either of you.
It shouldn't be a problem for you, the irritating privilege 'snobbish'ness aside, as that's a different situation. Clearly she likes you, and unless you've taken out a huge loan and suggested that you can pay for things, it isn't because of any monetary reasons. You seem like an ambitious and intelligent man, so don't see financial situation or background as such important things; stop putting yourself down because of factors you have no control over and praise yourself over bettering your own situation and person. ^^ If you are compatible and attracted to each other, can spend quality time together, that's all that should matter at this point.
It shouldn't be a problem for you, the irritating privilege 'snobbish'ness aside, as that's a different situation. Clearly she likes you, and unless you've taken out a huge loan and suggested that you can pay for things, it isn't because of any monetary reasons. You seem like an ambitious and intelligent man, so don't see financial situation or background as such important things; stop putting yourself down because of factors you have no control over and praise yourself over bettering your own situation and person. ^^ If you are compatible and attracted to each other, can spend quality time together, that's all that should matter at this point.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi Guys,
I'm in need of some advice about a girl I've kind of been seeing for a few weeks. We both kind of like each other but nothing is set in stone yet, despite having got with her in a club several times and coffee dates etc.
The only problem is that I come from a very poor family; my parents are gambling addicts and basically have blown everything, currently surviving off the welfare state and in constant fear of our home being repossessed.
I went to a dirt bottom state school that closed down, though somehow managed to get straight-As and make it to a Top12 RG university. I took a year out working for PwC on their Gap Year programme as I knew I would have financial difficulties etc..though this experience kind of exposed me to the middle-class lifestyle/culture and changed me completely by the time I started university.Basically, If you saw me in a lecture or around campus - you'd probably think I'm a 'Rah' somewhat.
Though on the other hand, this girl is basically a multi-millionaire - her family own a string of businesses and properties around the world. They're quite well-connected and I would probably estimate her net worth around £50-100m tbh. She went to one of the best private schools in London as well as being Grade 8 in piano, violin and some other instruments. She speaks French and Spanish as well as our native language (We're both Pakistani). At university, she has everything paid for and nothing worry about and even a car, whilst I sometimes have to live off soup or a pack of biscuits for the whole day and no financial support from my parents. They don't even own a car, so it feels weird when I sit in her car and how comfy it feels, compared to the bus that I'm used to travelling by back home.
I'm the first person in my family to attend University while she isn't and most her cousins/relatives are either doctors, lawyers, bankers or in business. I just feel as though she's way above my league even though we get on quite well, and I don't really want to hurt her in the future when I have to tell her the truth. Also, sometimes she has that mentality of thinking we're all equal and that everyone is doing quite well for themselves in life as she hasn't really experienced the neighbourhood/life I've had etc..and this kind of pisses me off/annoys me.
I was thinking it's just best to slowly cut it off and forget her as I know it can never work in the long-term..our backgrounds are just too vastly on the polar opposites. I also wouldn't really want to introduce her to my parents etc as they're quite uneducated and I think she would feel intimidated/awkward.
It's like Top 1% v Bottom 0.0000001%.
Much advice and thoughts are appreciated
Thanks
I'm in need of some advice about a girl I've kind of been seeing for a few weeks. We both kind of like each other but nothing is set in stone yet, despite having got with her in a club several times and coffee dates etc.
The only problem is that I come from a very poor family; my parents are gambling addicts and basically have blown everything, currently surviving off the welfare state and in constant fear of our home being repossessed.
I went to a dirt bottom state school that closed down, though somehow managed to get straight-As and make it to a Top12 RG university. I took a year out working for PwC on their Gap Year programme as I knew I would have financial difficulties etc..though this experience kind of exposed me to the middle-class lifestyle/culture and changed me completely by the time I started university.Basically, If you saw me in a lecture or around campus - you'd probably think I'm a 'Rah' somewhat.
Though on the other hand, this girl is basically a multi-millionaire - her family own a string of businesses and properties around the world. They're quite well-connected and I would probably estimate her net worth around £50-100m tbh. She went to one of the best private schools in London as well as being Grade 8 in piano, violin and some other instruments. She speaks French and Spanish as well as our native language (We're both Pakistani). At university, she has everything paid for and nothing worry about and even a car, whilst I sometimes have to live off soup or a pack of biscuits for the whole day and no financial support from my parents. They don't even own a car, so it feels weird when I sit in her car and how comfy it feels, compared to the bus that I'm used to travelling by back home.
I'm the first person in my family to attend University while she isn't and most her cousins/relatives are either doctors, lawyers, bankers or in business. I just feel as though she's way above my league even though we get on quite well, and I don't really want to hurt her in the future when I have to tell her the truth. Also, sometimes she has that mentality of thinking we're all equal and that everyone is doing quite well for themselves in life as she hasn't really experienced the neighbourhood/life I've had etc..and this kind of pisses me off/annoys me.
I was thinking it's just best to slowly cut it off and forget her as I know it can never work in the long-term..our backgrounds are just too vastly on the polar opposites. I also wouldn't really want to introduce her to my parents etc as they're quite uneducated and I think she would feel intimidated/awkward.
It's like Top 1% v Bottom 0.0000001%.
Much advice and thoughts are appreciated
Thanks
Don't worry! It can work! Tbh... I came from private school, have wealthy parents and have grown up in a fairly middle/upper-middle class lifestyle. My girlfriend's family are probably what you'd classify as working class and her parents are separated. She lives with her Mum, who is ill and can't work at the moment. I remember going to their house once and not wanting to eat because her Mum had been worried about money and talking to me about it- I felt pretty guilty tbh, but didn't want to say anything. It wasn't until I talked with my girlfriend (and she practically forced several pieces of toast down me), that stuff was sorted and it hasn't been an issue since.
Your family may be gambling addicts and you may come from a poor background, but it sounds like you've down well for yourself, so don't underplay yourself because of background. If you like her, go for it and see how it goes, but if the only reason you aren't going for it is financial, that is silly. I guess I am from the other end of the spectrum (though not nearly as extreme), but seriously, just talk to her about it if you feel it is an issue. I found out that when I didn't want to eat in her house that I was taking it far too far- but I genuinely had never been exposed to that sort of situation and didn't know what to do. I'm not excusing her comments about everyone being equal and doing well- but I understand being in the situation of never having been exposed to the 'other side' of life and not really understanding it to well.
In terms of introducing her to parents because they are awkward/uneducated... who cares? My family has a long line of people who went to Oxford/Cambridge/Medical school... I have never met a girlfriend's parents and gone: "Oh, what do you mean they don't have a degree?", as long as they are nice, I don't care. Also... tbf.... it is important but parents aren't the deciding factor, you've done well for yourself, by the sound of it, in spite of your parents. She would probably respect that.
So you're from different backgrounds does it really matter? She doesn't like you for the money you have (or don't have) she likes you for your personality and looks etc, the same reasons why you like her. Yes her parents might not like that you're from a different class than them but as long as you make their daughter happy it's all that should matter.
I'm gonna go against the flow here and say the odds are stacked against you.
A lot of issues can and will come up. Some might go against your own morals and values, which can throw up issues.
Another factor to consider is, what would her family think of your family? I dont mean this in a bad way; i just know what Asians are like and how important a role family status plays.
A lot of issues can and will come up. Some might go against your own morals and values, which can throw up issues.
Another factor to consider is, what would her family think of your family? I dont mean this in a bad way; i just know what Asians are like and how important a role family status plays.
I think it's best to just drift away from her tbh as I know in the long-run it won't work and should stop wasting mine and hers time which can be spent on other things. I think it's for her own good aswell as I know with her background/pedigree she can and deserves someone much more better than me..
It's a shame really, but that's life I suppose..sometimes you have to try move upwards and onwards solo..
It's a shame really, but that's life I suppose..sometimes you have to try move upwards and onwards solo..
Original post by Anonymous
I think it's best to just drift away from her tbh as I know in the long-run it won't work and should stop wasting mine and hers time which can be spent on other things. I think it's for her own good aswell as I know with her background/pedigree she can and deserves someone much more better than me..
It's a shame really, but that's life I suppose..sometimes you have to try move upwards and onwards solo..
It's a shame really, but that's life I suppose..sometimes you have to try move upwards and onwards solo..
my god, if you are going to be a negative defeatist pussy who gives up on something they say they want because they may encounter a few obstacles then yes you're probably right, she probably can do better. She deserves someone with some guts who isnt going to be intimidated by some imaginary glass ceiling of who he is fit to date, someone who isnt allowing his worth to be defined by choices of his family!
Man up!!
Original post by LolaLowe
my god, if you are going to be a negative defeatist pussy who gives up on something they say they want because they may encounter a few obstacles then yes you're probably right, she probably can do better. She deserves someone with some guts who isnt going to be intimidated by some imaginary glass ceiling of who he is fit to date, someone who isnt allowing his worth to be defined by choices of his family!
Man up!!
Man up!!
Thanks for this little piece of inspiration..
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for this little piece of inspiration..
welcome!
Original post by LolaLowe
my god, if you are going to be a negative defeatist pussy who gives up on something they say they want because they may encounter a few obstacles then yes you're probably right, she probably can do better. She deserves someone with some guts who isnt going to be intimidated by some imaginary glass ceiling of who he is fit to date, someone who isnt allowing his worth to be defined by choices of his family!
Man up!!
Man up!!
Despite the casual sexism here, I agree.
Original post by Nuffles
Christ, people get hung up one the strangest things. What does it matter?
This.
I've been there as the girl you are referring to.
Now, that I think about it - we got along so well that such things didn't and still don't matter. His honesty from the beginning and not letting what our families have/have not achieved getting in the way is still one of his best achievements.
There is more to us than any measurable worth. So, it can work - you just need to make it work.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi Guys,
I'm in need of some advice about a girl I've kind of been seeing for a few weeks. We both kind of like each other but nothing is set in stone yet, despite having got with her in a club several times and coffee dates etc.
The only problem is that I come from a very poor family; my parents are gambling addicts and basically have blown everything, currently surviving off the welfare state and in constant fear of our home being repossessed.
I went to a dirt bottom state school that closed down, though somehow managed to get straight-As and make it to a Top12 RG university. I took a year out working for PwC on their Gap Year programme as I knew I would have financial difficulties etc..though this experience kind of exposed me to the middle-class lifestyle/culture and changed me completely by the time I started university.Basically, If you saw me in a lecture or around campus - you'd probably think I'm a 'Rah' somewhat.
Though on the other hand, this girl is basically a multi-millionaire - her family own a string of businesses and properties around the world. They're quite well-connected and I would probably estimate her net worth around £50-100m tbh. She went to one of the best private schools in London as well as being Grade 8 in piano, violin and some other instruments. She speaks French and Spanish as well as our native language (We're both Pakistani). At university, she has everything paid for and nothing worry about and even a car, whilst I sometimes have to live off soup or a pack of biscuits for the whole day and no financial support from my parents. They don't even own a car, so it feels weird when I sit in her car and how comfy it feels, compared to the bus that I'm used to travelling by back home.
I'm the first person in my family to attend University while she isn't and most her cousins/relatives are either doctors, lawyers, bankers or in business. I just feel as though she's way above my league even though we get on quite well, and I don't really want to hurt her in the future when I have to tell her the truth. Also, sometimes she has that mentality of thinking we're all equal and that everyone is doing quite well for themselves in life as she hasn't really experienced the neighbourhood/life I've had etc..and this kind of ****es me off/annoys me.
I was thinking it's just best to slowly cut it off and forget her as I know it can never work in the long-term..our backgrounds are just too vastly on the polar opposites. I also wouldn't really want to introduce her to my parents etc as they're quite uneducated and I think she would feel intimidated/awkward.
It's like Top 1% v Bottom 0.0000001%.
Much advice and thoughts are appreciated
Thanks
I'm in need of some advice about a girl I've kind of been seeing for a few weeks. We both kind of like each other but nothing is set in stone yet, despite having got with her in a club several times and coffee dates etc.
The only problem is that I come from a very poor family; my parents are gambling addicts and basically have blown everything, currently surviving off the welfare state and in constant fear of our home being repossessed.
I went to a dirt bottom state school that closed down, though somehow managed to get straight-As and make it to a Top12 RG university. I took a year out working for PwC on their Gap Year programme as I knew I would have financial difficulties etc..though this experience kind of exposed me to the middle-class lifestyle/culture and changed me completely by the time I started university.Basically, If you saw me in a lecture or around campus - you'd probably think I'm a 'Rah' somewhat.
Though on the other hand, this girl is basically a multi-millionaire - her family own a string of businesses and properties around the world. They're quite well-connected and I would probably estimate her net worth around £50-100m tbh. She went to one of the best private schools in London as well as being Grade 8 in piano, violin and some other instruments. She speaks French and Spanish as well as our native language (We're both Pakistani). At university, she has everything paid for and nothing worry about and even a car, whilst I sometimes have to live off soup or a pack of biscuits for the whole day and no financial support from my parents. They don't even own a car, so it feels weird when I sit in her car and how comfy it feels, compared to the bus that I'm used to travelling by back home.
I'm the first person in my family to attend University while she isn't and most her cousins/relatives are either doctors, lawyers, bankers or in business. I just feel as though she's way above my league even though we get on quite well, and I don't really want to hurt her in the future when I have to tell her the truth. Also, sometimes she has that mentality of thinking we're all equal and that everyone is doing quite well for themselves in life as she hasn't really experienced the neighbourhood/life I've had etc..and this kind of ****es me off/annoys me.
I was thinking it's just best to slowly cut it off and forget her as I know it can never work in the long-term..our backgrounds are just too vastly on the polar opposites. I also wouldn't really want to introduce her to my parents etc as they're quite uneducated and I think she would feel intimidated/awkward.
It's like Top 1% v Bottom 0.0000001%.
Much advice and thoughts are appreciated
Thanks
Thanks for your story. I wonder how things turned out. I have have been in this similar situation on Facebook and Instagram in the past 3 months ago or so this.
Im 54, American Irish and about 20% Choctaw. So, Im an American mut. In February, I got on Facebook actively to look at posts and reels and clean my profile up a bit. I hadn't been on Facebook in several months and it was a newly opened account with about 9 friends at that time.
When I checked it out in February, I had about 100 friends and about 150 friend requests. 99% women. By the way, I had no idea Facebook was a hardcore dating site nowadays, haha. I was like, cool! I was thinking that I can post a few things and check out a nice news feed. I started receiving DMs soon after this. All of my female friends started the initial chat with me. I wasn't looking for a relationship.
Chinese women, wow! So, I am now enamored and in love with Chinese women. Asian women overall, especially Chinese though. I have 15 Asian friends in all. 9 are Asian, all of my female Chinese friends are very wealthy. Three, have turned into brief, online, close relationships.
Finally, this is why I replied to this post. Wealthy Chinese women are FICKLE. In February I met Jill. I will not provide these women's Chinese names. I told Jill immediately that I'm an electrician. I was always honest about my life with all of these beautiful ladies. After a bit, she told me to come visit her, I'll show you my town, etc. By the way, eight of my Chinese friends live here, in USA and one in China.
She told me she invested in real-estate and cryptocurrency. She said she wanted to teach me how she invested. I had already discussed this with one other beautiful Chinese friend, so I was interested. It's not a scam by the way. These women's trading methods and the sources they have are impressive. So Jill and I get closer over the weeks and she says things like, " Will you're grandchildren call me Grandmother Jill, please?" She explained about how she came to America, her son, that, she wants another child, etc. It got very romantic and intimate at times between us. Nothing ever sexual or anything like that. Not with any Chinese.
See, like most of my Chinese friends, she wanted to teach me her ways of trading. Hold my hand, beside them, building up my investment capital while learning. I haven't been able to register with a crypto exchange due to my driver's license being expired and not being able to renew it at this point due to my financial situation. It's embarrassing and funny and sad at the same time. Anyway, flash forward to 7 weeks of relationship with Jill.
She asked me exactly why I'm not renewing my license. I explained things to her about my circumstances. She asked how much to renew my license and what did I need? I told her $2,500. This would allow me to get my DL, a good electrical job, register with the crypto exchange and invest a small amount. She never replied back and she blocked me. We also whatsapped, but I never messaged her again.
It shocked me. Earlier that week she had sent me pics of a new Ferrari and a new 911. She asked me which one she should order. She told me when it comes in, I would drive and she would ride. I was like, she has 250k for a car. A nanny, a fashion design business and showed me screen shots of her crypto trades which sometimes netted 100k in one trade. She trades 2 to 3 times per week. So, what is 2.5k for you're future companion?
I had a similar experience with several others. Almost exactly. They are so beautiful. Chinese women entrance me with the way they speak, how they sound, what they say. I like their slim, fit figures, (they all workout or exercise). The Chinese woman's face is exotic. The smile and look is breathtaking to me.
Asian women have caused me to strive for a higher level of living, lifestyle and basically given me a reason to live. For thus as well as our wonderful conversation, I thank them. But, they are fickle. Be careful and be strong. Stay guarded and honest. Don't fall hard until you are certain, if you can help it.
Thanks for listening.
Normally I try not to add to necro'd threads, but am making an exception for this.
I had about 100 friends and about 150 friend requests. 99% women.
Correction 98% of them were men from West Africa pretending to be women.
She told me she invested in real-estate and cryptocurrency.
Typical back-story used by romance scammers.
It's not a scam by the way.
It 100% IS a SCAM!
I told her $2,500. This would allow me to get my DL, a good electrical job, register with the crypto exchange and invest a small amount. She never replied back and she blocked me.
He (the scammer) lost interest whenit appeared you had no money to be scammed off.
Earlier that week she had sent me pics of a new Ferrari and a new 911.
Pics that he, the scammer, had downloaded off the internet and maybe photoshopped.
Check out the Catfished youtube channel.
I had about 100 friends and about 150 friend requests. 99% women.
Correction 98% of them were men from West Africa pretending to be women.
She told me she invested in real-estate and cryptocurrency.
Typical back-story used by romance scammers.
It's not a scam by the way.
It 100% IS a SCAM!
I told her $2,500. This would allow me to get my DL, a good electrical job, register with the crypto exchange and invest a small amount. She never replied back and she blocked me.
He (the scammer) lost interest whenit appeared you had no money to be scammed off.
Earlier that week she had sent me pics of a new Ferrari and a new 911.
Pics that he, the scammer, had downloaded off the internet and maybe photoshopped.
Check out the Catfished youtube channel.
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